No Tomorrow

He leans over my body, between my spread thighs, and grabs my throat, pulling me up to him.

“Shhh….” He kisses me, one hand still closed around my throat, while the other reaches between my legs to stroke my wet lips. He hums with desire when I spread my thighs wider, inviting him in.

Begging him, is more accurate.

His name is all over my lips when two skull-ringed fingers thrust inside me and begin expertly stroking, zeroing in on all the right places, just like he used to. The span of his hand clenched over my throat tightens slightly, capturing the vibration of my moans against his palm.

“I missed you so fucking much, Ladybug. Every day. Every night.”

I’m close to delirious with want—wanting to give him everything, wanting him to take everything. Wanting him to never leave again. Wanting to stay in this moment forever. Wanting to forget, wanting to hope.

I drop my head against the bed when he releases his hold on my neck so he can grab my legs and swiftly flip me over. I’m dragged to the edge of the bed, lifted up onto my knees, and spread wide before him. He inches his hand lightly up my back, skimming over the goosebumps, and grabs my hair, twisting it around his hand and tugging my head up and backward to meet his mouth. His hips slam hard into my ass, driving his cock balls-deep into me. He growls against my mouth like a wild animal when I arch my back, angling myself to take him deeper. My walls stretch around his thick cock, my fingers clench the bedspread. He sucks my tongue into his mouth, moving his free hand across my belly, up to cup my breasts, squeezing my nipples into the channel of his fingers. The heat coming off his body is like a fire enveloping us and our bodies, slippery with sweat, slap against each other. I’m spinning into euphoria, falling fast down the rabbit hole, going back to that exquisite place where there’s no time, no place. There’s just us.

I break away from his lips, gasping for breath and whimpering as orgasms quake through my body. His ab muscles tense deliciously against the small of my back, his breath quickens, and I feel his body pulse inside me.

Leaning his forehead against the back of my head, he rests there, catching his breath before slowly pulling out and rolling onto his back next to me. I crawl into his outstretched arm and rest my head against his chest. I trace small circles over his stomach with my fingertips and watch his muscles dance beneath my touch.

His voice, soft and deep, is melodic in the dark quietness of the room. “I know I show it in messed-up ways, but I really do love you,” he says.

“I know, Blue. I never doubted that.”

His heart beats wildly under my head. He moves his hand lazily up and down my arm. I can feel him thinking.

“Do you love me, Piper?”

I sit up to face him, even though we can barely see each other in the dark. “I love you more than words can say. I never stopped, not for a minute.”

He gently squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” He rises from the bed, disappears into the bathroom for several minutes, then comes out with a white towel wrapped around his narrow hips. Next he goes out on the balcony and lights up a cigarette, and I watch him smoking and looking out over the city.

I wonder what he’s thinking about.

I wonder what I’m doing here.

I wonder why I’m so afraid to tell him why I came here.

I wonder where we go from here, and from there, when I tell him.

I have to tell him.

While he’s smoking I find my way to the bathroom and wash my face and fix my major bed-head. I sit on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub and stare down at my shiny pink-tipped toenails, trying to regroup my brain. I didn’t think we’d go from zero to sixty tonight. I should have slammed on the brakes before things careened straight to his bed.

When I come out of the bathroom, he’s lying on the bed, propped up on a pile of stark white pillows. It’s odd seeing him in a room surrounded by lamps and furniture and television remotes.

“You have a glass shower and a huge jet tub,” I say.

“Weird, huh?”

I crawl onto the bed next to him and he pulls me up against him, wrapping his tattooed arm around me as if we’ve never been apart.

“You deserve to have nice things.”

“To me it’s just stuff that water comes out of.”

I giggle and turn to kiss him. “You’re adorable.”

“I want to try again.”

The smile slowly fades from my lips. Not because I’m not happy, but because I’m confused and unsure.