No Tomorrow

“Can we go see him today, Mom? See if he’s the one?”

“We’ll ask Blue when he wakes up, okay? This is a decision we should make as a family.”

Her face lights up. “He’ll love him. I know he will.” She closes her laptop. “I’m going to go play my harp for him while he’s sleeping. He likes that.”

My heart swells with love for her as she goes off to play soft relaxing melodies on her harp for her father. She and Blue have developed a strong emotional bond, and she has taken on an almost protective role when it comes to him. He’s amazingly patient and nurturing with her, always making her feel special and supported no matter what. Not once has he wavered in his commitment to her—or to me—since we became a family.

It’s as if having love in his life has turned Blue inside out, and the man I always believed was inside him, is now on the outside.

“Thanks, baby,” he says when I join him on my small back porch with a cup of tea for each of us. He’s doing something he doesn’t get to do much of anymore—watching the misty rain fall.

“You look much better today.” I gently push his damp hair from his face. Twelve hours of sleep and a hot shower has done wonders for him.

“I always feel better when I’m home with you guys. I’m just pissed I lost a night with you by sleeping so much.”

“We didn’t lose anything. I got to have my way with you all night while you slept,” I tease.

“Figures,” he grins and sips his tea. “I miss all the good stuff.”

I wrap my hands around my warm mug. “Has Lyric talked to you yet?”

He nods slowly, a smile spreading across his face. “Yup. Hope it’s okay I told her we’d all go over there in about an hour?”

I smile. “Of course. I think a dog would be good for all of us. She’s been waiting a long time, but since it looks like we’ll be staying here for a while since you guys added more dates to your tour, then I think we should just go for it. There’s really no reason to wait.”

“I promise after all this tour shit we’ll get a bigger house together so all our stuff is one place. So we’re all not going back and forth from here to Seattle all the time. I hate it.”

“We don’t mind at all. As long as we’re together, that’s all I care about.”

A muscle in his jaw twitches. “I’ve given you guys nothing. First Josh gave you a home, then you got one on your own. Aren’t I supposed to take care of you? Lyric’s not a little kid anymore, she must see what a fucking loser I am when it comes to taking care of my own family.”

I have no idea where this sudden negativity is coming from.

“Blue, she adores you. Her mind doesn’t think that way. She worships you. How many daughters can sit and talk to their fathers for hours about music and art and poetry? How many write songs together? Who sings her to sleep when she doesn’t feel good, even if you’re thousands of miles away in a different time zone? That’s all you.”

He stares into his tea but doesn’t say a word.

“She also gets to see how you treat me. How you open doors for me, and leave me love notes. How you cook for us. She sees how you always make time for us, no matter how busy and crazy you are with the band. She sees how you treat me with love and respect. She sees how you’re always so friendly to your fans and you never blow them off. That’s taking care of your family, Blue, and trust me, our daughter sees that. She knows her father isn’t just some rock star. She knows you’re an amazing person.”

A tear glistens in the corner of his eye and even though it’s just a tiny drop I feel as if we could both drown in it.

“That’s all I ever want her to see, Piper.” His voice is strained, as if it hurts him to speak the words. “I don’t ever want her to see the other side of me.”

Going to the pet shelter is a harrowing experience that I wasn’t expecting. All these dogs in rows of pens, barking, yelping, jumping. They stare at us with their pleading eyes as we walk up and down the rows. Lyric’s smile deteriorates with every step and she’s clinging to Blue’s hand with both of hers.

“Here he is,” the volunteer announces, stopping in front of one of the cages. The dog is huddled in the corner in a ball, trying to make himself disappear. “He’s been here for six months. He’s very quiet, never barks. Doesn’t play. He goes days without eating sometimes. He was a bit of a mess when he got here, he had a broken leg and was scraped up pretty bad, but he’s all healed now. We have some really adorable, playful puppies if you’re looking for a nice pet for your daughter. I have to be honest, this dog is depressed and probably won’t make a good pet.” She narrows her eyes at Blue and her forehead creases. “Do you know you look like that guy from that band?”