No Tomorrow

“Look, my sister went through this a few years ago. You should be resting and not getting all worked up.”

Is he crazy?

“How can I rest when I don’t know where he is or if he’s okay or what’s going on? I’m afraid he’s going to disappear for months or years and I can’t live through that.”

“I get it, but you have to take care of you, too. He’s a big boy, and he’ll be okay. He’s probably just walking around like he does and believe me, I know that’s not helping you a fuckin’ bit, but what I’m saying is that I’m sure he’s fine, and I’m sure he won’t be gone for long. Right now you need to do your best to stay calm and take care of yourself until I can find his ass and get him to you.”

“I’m just so scared, Reece. I didn’t think he’d ever do this again, especially now when I need him the most. He left me a bunch of messages and for some crazy reason he thinks I left him. Why would he think that? He knows I would never, ever do that to him.”

“It’s just how his mind works. It’s not you. It’s his way of coping, as fucked up as it is.”

“I don’t know what to think,” I mutter, putting my face in my hand. “I just need him here.”

“I’ll find him, and I’ll make him call you as soon as I do. I’m gonna shove the phone right in his hand. I promise.”

“Okay.” I feel utterly hopeless. “I guess all I can do is just wait, then.”

“And rest. Rest, Piper.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’m really sorry about the baby. And I know if he had any clue about this, he never would have done this. He loves you.”

After we say goodbye, I change into my softest sweatpants and Blue’s T-shirt before crawling into bed to rest. Ditra will be picking up Lyric at school and keeping her overnight so I can have some alone time to get my head together.

I try to focus on as many of the positives as I can so I don’t get pulled under the wave of depression that’s looming at the edges of my mind and heart. Blue loves Lyric and me. He wouldn’t leave us. He probably just needed to think.

We’re all going to be okay.

Chapter Forty-Seven

“Baby, are you sick?” He kisses my forehead and strokes his thumb across my cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I moan and turn my head to the side, begging sleep to take me away again.

“Piper, open your eyes for me.”

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, my mind sluggish and groggy. The bedroom is dim, and a glance toward the windows reveals the sun is no longer shining.

When did it become night time?

“Hey….” His voice is soft and laced with worry.

“Blue?” Confused, I reach for him and my hand lands on his leg.

How can he be here if he’s in London?

He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it. “I’m here.”

“How are you here? I couldn’t find you…” I move to sit up and a wave of dizziness slams my head back down on the pillow.

“I couldn’t find you either. I had a real bad feeling, so I jumped on a plane and here I am.” He leans down and kisses me softly. “I was really fuckin’ worried about you.”

“I was worried about you, too. Reece is looking for you.”

“Not anymore. I called him from a pay phone when I landed in Boston because my cell phone battery died yesterday. He said I had to talk to you right away.” He pushes his hair away from his face and looks at me intently. “What’s going on, Ladybug?”

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Tears leak from the corners of my eyes and drip down to my hairline.

“Where’s Lyric? Is she okay?”

“Yes. Ditra and Billy are taking her to a movie and she’s staying over at their house tonight.”

His brow creases. “Why’s she staying over there? They only live a few hundred feet away.”

I try to sit up again, and have to close my eyes for a moment to stop the room from spinning. He grabs my arms, and the worry on his face is tearing my heart up because I know it’s going to be a whole lot worse in a few moments.

“Piper, what’s going on? You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

I reach for his hand and lace our fingers tightly together.

“I have to tell you something. When you couldn’t get in touch with me yesterday I was actually in the hospital, and I—”

“You’re sick?” he asks, and his beautiful voice is already cracking with emotion and panic.

“No,” I say quickly. “No, I’m not sick. I really don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it, okay? Because I just don’t have the words…” His eyes are wild when he nods. “I had a miscarriage. I’m so sorry… I love you so much and I wanted this baby with all my heart…” Saying the words, and seeing the expression of pure shock and heartbreak on his face, is more than I can handle. I can’t hold back my tears for a second longer, and they stream down my cheeks like tiny rivers.