No Tomorrow

He grabs my arm again and pulls me to the side of the hallway. His dark eyes are pitch black and somber. The deep rise and fall of his chest hypnotizes me.

“He didn’t fall, Piper. He jumped.”

Reece’s face blurs in front of my eyes. The corridor tilts and closes in, the walls crushing me with their whiteness. The floor rises up. I can’t tell up or down. I can’t breathe.

No. No. No. No….

“Piper, look at me.”

I’m shaken like a doll. Rattled back to reality then held up by his big guitar-playing hands.

Hands just like Blue’s.

“Look at me, Piper. Breathe.” The puzzle of his face slowly pieces back together. I’m aware of people walking by us, eyeing me with concern as I sob in the arms of this bear of a man. They’re taking all my air. I need to get out of here. I need to get to Blue. We just need to hug and listen to the rain and it will all be okay.

“Take some deep breaths. Don’t pass out on me, kiddo.”

“He didn’t,” I whisper. “He didn’t do that.”

“He did.”

I shake my head. My bottom lip trembles and tears run down my cheeks as I stare up into his face, searching for truth amongst these lies.

“No…he wouldn’t…” I can’t even let the words come out of my mouth. It’s too horrible; too unbelievable. Blue would never, ever try to take his own life.

We just bought wedding bands and he was happier than I’ve ever seen him. He was so excited about the wedding plans, and about finally living together permanently. Why… why would he want to end his own life?

It makes no sense.

Did he change his mind about getting married and didn’t know how to tell me? Did I just not love him enough? Did he still feel alone, even with me and Lyric in his life? Did I want too much from him? Were his headaches getting worse and he couldn’t deal with the pain? Oh my God… does he have a brain tumor? Was he afraid of dying a slow, painful death and just wanted to put his fate in his own hands? Was it all of it? What was going on that he wanted to die?

“I know it’s hard, Piper. But you gotta believe me because this is going to get a whole lot harder before it gets any easier. He jumped off a three-story roof. Thank God for Koler’s fucked-up huge bushes and trees, they kinda knocked him around and slowed him down, and the motion triggered the house alarm.”

I shake my head violently, trying to thrash that image out of my head. “No…” I cry. “This is a mistake. It had to be an accident… he fell.”

Reece’s jawline clenches. “There was a note. And pills. It wasn’t an accident.”

My head reels and I cover my mouth with my hand so I don’t scream my head off in the middle of this hospital hallway. Reece kneels down and puts his arms around me again, holding me like I’m a small child. I feel like a child. A little lost child that just found out everything they ever loved and believed in had vanished into thin air.

“Is he alive?” I force out.

“He was when they took him into surgery…but that’s all I know.”

I gasp and almost collapse into him. He’s alive. He’s still here. That’s all that matters.

I’m completely numb and wobbly as Reece leads me to a small waiting room that has a PRIVATE sign on the door. He sits me in a chair and retrieves a paper cup of water from a bubbler in the corner. My hands are shaking so badly he has to hold it for me as I sip from it.

“Just sit and rest for a few minutes,” Reece says softly from the chair next to me. “You’re white as a ghost.”

“How’s she doing?” Koler’s voice comes from across the room and I lift my gaze from the floor to stare at him, as if maybe some answers are going to be visible on him. Alex, the drummer, is sitting next to him and I realize the hospital must be keeping the band in this private waiting room to keep people away from them.

“I think she’s kinda in shock like the rest of us,” Reece answers.

“How’d he get on the roof?” I blurt out with my eyes still glued on Koler.

He shrugs and puts his hands up. “I don’t know. I thought he was asleep. He told us he felt tired and he went to his room.”

“Was he acting weird? Was he partying? Did he say anything to you?”

“No,” Alex answers. “He was a little quiet but he wasn’t doing anything.”

“Do you think something else was going on in his life? Something none of us know about?”

“No,” Reece answers. “I guess anything is possible but I don’t think Blue had anything secret in his life.”