No Tomorrow

As I take the note from him, my heart races so fast and so hard it feels like it’s going to pound right out of my chest.

“What do you mean if he doesn’t live?” I ask weakly.

“He’s got a lot of injuries. When I talked to the doctors earlier they were hopeful he’d pull through but there could still be complications. I think you should read the note.” He stands. “I’m going to go sit over there but I’m not leaving you alone while you read this. Sorry, but I’m not doing it.”

I nod and wait for him to walk away before I slowly unfold the note.

Ladybug,

I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I’m just so tired and my head hurts so much. I can’t fight the voices anymore. I’ve tried so hard but I can’t. I’ve failed everyone. The world is hating me. I’ve hurt everyone. Especially you. It’s unforgiveable. I need you and Lyric to be happy. I can’t let the voices and the monsters get you, too. They’re getting louder and louder and closer and closer. So loud I can’t hear my own thoughts anymore. I’m sure you’ve heard them in my head. I’m so confused all the time. It’s hard to remember everything. The pain of it is killing me. I’m killing me.

Please tell Lyric I love her. Thank you for bringing her into my life. Thank you for loving Acorn. I’m so sorry about the baby. I think he was sick like me and he heard the voices already. Thank you for always loving me and showing me what hope feels like. Thank you for giving me a chance, and for calming my soul. Thank you for letting me love you. I only made it this far because of you. You kept me going. You made me fight, but I’m not strong enough anymore. I wish I was.

I’ll watch over you, I will. I’ll always be with you. You’re the only place I’ve ever felt quiet and loved and cared for. I’ll spend eternity loving you. I’m never leaving you.

I’m so sorry, baby. You deserve so much better. I loved everything we had, but I don’t deserve any of it.

I’m going to fly now, I’m going to be free. Be happy for me. He says it will take all the bad away.

I love you like no tomorrow. Always. Always. Always.

Blue

My heart is broken—shattered—and all the pieces have fallen into the pit of my burning stomach.

I was wrong. I didn’t know Blue. Not this Blue. As my tears fall onto the note and blur the words into tiny puddles, I’m not sure who I knew at all.

Chapter Fifty-Four

My broken heart is nothing compared to how broken Blue is. He’s lying in a hospital bed with a broken ankle, a broken leg, four cracked ribs, a broken wrist, a dislocated shoulder, a fractured skull, and bruises and lacerations covering eighty percent of his body.

I only know all this because the doctor is telling us.

They found muscle relaxers, sleeping pills, anti-depressants, and painkillers in his system. Reece confirmed they also found those same pills in Blue’s room—some of them in prescription bottles prescribed to Evan Von Bleu.

I’ve never seen Blue put a pill in his mouth and now I’m wondering if he hid them from me, or just never took them when we were together.

The doctor is also telling Reece and me that when Blue was awake, which wasn’t for long, he was laughing one minute and crying the next.

Hearing that both devastates and petrifies me. What’s happening to him?

“Can we see him?” I ask the doctor. I need to see him with my own eyes, touch my lips to his, hear his breathing. I need to see for myself that he’s alive.

“No. It’s still too soon.”

Too soon? Is he crazy? It’s been too long.

I step forward. “I’m his fiancée. Please let me see him. I’m sure he wants to see me… he’s hurt, and probably scared… I can make him feel better, comfort him….”

The doctor shakes his head. “I apologize, but we cannot allow visitors until he has a psych eval. I understand your position, Miss Karel, and I know this is hard.” He glances at Reece. “And I also understand we’re dealing with a patient who is going to have a lot of people asking about him and wanting to see him, possibly attempting to sneak into his room and get information. We’ve moved him to a private room. Our priority is to do what’s best for Mr. Von Bleu and get him well, physically and mentally. That being said, I think you all need to prepare yourself for a very long recovery. Not just for his physical injuries, but for his mental and emotional recovery as well.”

Mental recovery? Blue is exhausted, and had a bout of depression compounded by stress. He needs to rest and get away from the crazy stress of the band and the fans. It’s too much for him. Hell, it would probably be too much for anyone. He’s not mental.