“Yep.”
Jillian laughed and shook her head. “You’re right. I am acting like an idiot. I keep swinging back and forth on what I’m thinking, feeling. I mean, I knew going in that Jesse and I didn’t have a future, you know? That nothing serious was going to happen between us and yet…”
“You still hoped for it.”
She looked at Lucy and sighed. “I guess so and that’s ridiculous because I don’t—”
Lucy snorted and held up one hand. “Don’t even bother telling me you don’t want or need love in your life.” She shook her head and said, “It’s the same sad song we all tell ourselves when we’ve been hurt too many times to want to take the risk again. But the real truth, is everybody wants love.”
“You’re a philosopher now?”
“I am a woman of many talents,” Lucy said, smiling. “Like I can see that you had sex with my brother and that it was good.”
Jillian sighed again.
“All details are happily accepted,” Lucy said, then kept talking as she walked across the room and pushed through the door into the kitchen. “No, wait. On second thought, no details. This is my brother we’re talking about and I don’t want to throw up in your shiny new shop.”
Jillian was right behind her. “Agreed. No details.”
“Fine. But the point is the Amazing Lucy also sees that you’re in love with my brother.”
“No.” Jillian instantly denied that charge. She didn’t look at her friend because it was easier to talk about this without meeting her eyes. Instead, she looked around the small but efficient kitchen and smiled. “I mean, of course I care for him. Who wouldn’t? Jesse’s kind and gruff and funny and strong. He’s wonderful with Mac and so patient, too, and—”
“Wow. Yeah I can hear how much you don’t love him.” Lucy opened one of the ovens, ran a finger over the door and inspected it. “Clean.”
Oh, God, was Lucy right? Was it too late for her already? Jillian took a breath and asked, “Why are you so determined to have me love Jesse?”
“Because he deserves it,” Lucy said, shutting the oven door. Turning around to face Jillian, she continued. “He deserves you. And Mac. I’ve never seen him as captivated by anyone as he is by you. He loves that little girl. He found this shop for you to help you with your dream. He’s a good guy, Jill.”
“I know that.”
“And you deserve him.” Lucy planted both hands on her hips. “For pity’s sake, your eyes light up when you see him, you practically drool when he walks into the room…”
“I don’t drool.” Did she?
“That’s metaphorical drool, but still…”
Even if she did feel more for Jesse than she was willing to admit, the bottom line was, “I can’t risk it, Lucy. I’ve got Mac to think about.”
Surprised, Lucy demanded, “You think he’d hurt that little girl?”
“Of course not.” Jillian walked through the kitchen, too wound up to stand still. Too worried about what she was feeling to really take those emotions out and look hard at them. “He’d never do anything to deliberately hurt her. But—”
“I get it,” Lucy said. “I’ve got Brody and I know what it is to worry about someone more than yourself. But what if you’re just cheating Mac out of having a great father?”
As Lucy’s question echoed in her mind, Jillian sighed, checked the cupboards, the cooling racks and the small bathroom at the back of the shop. It was perfect. And Jesse had arranged it for her. He’d had professionals in to clean the place top to bottom so she wouldn’t have to worry about it. He’d become her partner so that she wouldn’t have to wait years to make her dreams come true.
He’d said once that when he made a promise, he kept it. Did that mean she could trust him?
“You’re overthinking this.”
She looked at Lucy and said wryly, “I can’t seem to stop.”
“Well,” her friend said, dropping one arm around Jillian’s shoulders, “let me help. Jesse’s in Houston so you can’t do anything about any of this until he gets back. Right?”
“Yes…”
“So let’s keep busy. We’ll buy some paint and start working on the shop.”
“I don’t know.” Truthfully, she had so much spinning through her mind, Jillian didn’t know if she could be trusted with a paintbrush.
“Trust me.” Lucy gave her shoulders a squeeze. “The kids are at the day care. We can probably get the whole front of the shop done in a couple of hours.”