Sleep with this would you, baby? I write in the notes box of the order. I can’t play without you here and since you can’t be with me, this is the next best thing. I love you.
Chapter Twelve
Cherry
“I put in the order wrong for table seven. You want it?” Minnie places a cheeseburger with fries down onto the table where I’m currently taking my break. She and I have quickly formed a friendship since she gave me this job. I know her better than she thinks I do. I’m onto her. She didn’t mess up any order; she just wants to feed me.
In the short time I’ve known her I know not to bother arguing with her. Plus, I am hungry. I was planning on eating when I got home. I’ve been trying to save money and eat some cereal but the burger smells so freaking good. I can’t resist her charity tonight. I’ll find some way to pay her back.
“I’d love it.” I close my small laptop, pushing it aside. Minnie sits down with me. It’s late and only a few tables are taken. These days are long and while I’m grateful for this job, it makes me realize how important it is for me to focus on my schooling. I need to make sure that I’m able to provide for my little one.
“Watching your man?” She smiles at me, stealing a fry off my plate.
“Maybe.” I feel my face warm. I think I’m turning into a stalker. I watch all the videos that end up on YouTube or ones they put up on the Instagram live. I am so happy for them. Their dreams are coming true. I am happy to have a way to still see them perform. I miss seeing it live. I miss seeing Linc in the flesh. These videos are the only glimpses I get into his life these days. God, I miss how things used to be so much. The hole in my chest only keeps growing.
“You know Benny and I were high school sweethearts.” Ben and Minnie have been married for a few decades. They own the small diner that sits a few miles outside of town. It’s a mix of our town and the next one over. It’s nice that I don’t know every person that walks in the front door.
Word about Linc is starting to spread. They are already making a name for themselves and everyone has been giving me sympathy looks as though I’ve been dumped. I hear the whispers too. I ignore them but at night when I lie in bed I can’t help but hear them loud and clear. Even though I know they aren’t true, the distance between Linc and me has taken a toll on me.
“I did know that.” They are utterly adorable. He’s always got his eyes on her even from the kitchen. It often reminds me of Linc. It’s how I pictured he’d still look at me after all those years. My heart grows heavier, wondering if we’ll make it that far. He hasn’t been gone long and I’m already questioning everything. It doesn’t help that I’m keeping this secret from him.
I still haven’t gotten up the courage to tell him I’m pregnant. Nick told me Linc is already struggling. If I told him about the baby he’d come running back here. It’s not as though the baby is here yet. I haven’t even gone to the doctor. I am trying to find one that’s not in our town. Linc needs to focus on what he’s doing. Being here hovering over me because I’m knocked up isn’t going to do anything but lose him the opportunity of a lifetime. It’s not something I’m willing to let happen. I don’t know what my plan actually is, but I’ve got some time to figure it out.
“If you love each other it will work out.”
“I don’t think love will ever be our problem.”
“Yeah, but sometimes we get in the way of ourselves. You should take this time to grow into yourself. We all gotta do a little growing on our own.” She pops the fry into her mouth, standing from the booth. “It’s going to be okay.” I really must be wearing all my emotions on my sleeve. “We’re slow so if you want to head out after you eat, have at it.”
“Thanks,” I say as she heads back toward another table to check on them. I think over what she said. I’m not sure I agree with her. Why do we have to grow alone sometimes? I’ve always been alone until Linc came into my life. He has shown me what it means to be loved and cherished. I’ve gone so long without having that from my parents. I place my hand on my belly for a moment. Silently telling my little one that no matter what happens, they’ll always be loved. I will be a better mom than mine ever was.