Hot Mess

“It is? Crap.” I checked, and yep, it was just past midday. “Too much wine last night.”

She laughed. “I’ll keep this short and sweet, then. We still haven’t conclusively proven it was your ex, but we do know that a tabloid magazine paid for the tape.”

“Wait, what?”

“Mhmm. Thirty thousand dollars, from what we know.”

“Someone paid thirty grand for a tape of me having drunk sex in a dimly-lit broom closet? What would a tabloid want with that?”

“You would be surprised what people will pay for an exclusive. They’ll have made it back in five minutes after breaking the story from revenue and people swarming their website. They also now own the tape and there’s a chance they could sell it on—to, you know. Porn sites.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

“How do I stop that? I didn’t consent to the tape. I didn’t know it was being made. Surely that can’t be posted.”

“Well, I’m no lawyer, but I have worked on revenge porn cases before, so I’m aware of a few things. I don’t believe a website can post the video if you have an ongoing case. It would make them complicit, in my opinion, and potentially open them up to legal action.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

“Look, I think we can find out who they paid, or at least trace a bank account. If we can do that, you can file a report with the police in New York to prevent it happening. I’ll also send you the report on the tabloid so you can have your lawyer deal with it. They might be able to put a freeze on any potential sale.”

“Okay, thanks. I know I can’t stop the reporting, but PornHub’s homepage isn’t exactly a career aspiration of mine.”

She laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that one. On the other hand, you’re pretty in demand right now, so you could command a pretty penny for it.”

For the first time ever about this situation, I laughed. “You know what? If all else fails, it might be my only career option left.”

“I don’t think so. You can recover from this, especially when the truth comes out. For what it’s worth, my fourteen-year-old niece thinks you’re up there with Jesus. I’m pretty sure she actually prays to you in church. My brother and sister-in-law have no issues with her continuing to watch your channel and they don’t even know it was revenge porn.”

“You didn’t tell them?”

“No, honey. I have a strict client confidentiality clause. I never speak about my work, especially on private cases like this.”

“You can tell them the truth. I don’t mind. And if anyone wanted to leak it to the media, that would be great, too.”

She chuckled. “I’ll keep it in mind. Listen, I’ve got an appointment in five minutes so I have to go. But think about it like this: you have a platform, Elle, and there are millions of impressionable teenagers and preteens who watch your every video. You could turn this around to be a teachable moment and educate people on revenge porn. Every cloud has a silver lining. This might be yours.”

That was an excellent point—and one I hadn’t thought of.

“You’re right. I’ll have a think on it. Thanks, Noelle.”

“You’re welcome, honey. I’ll have this report sent over to you so you can send it to your lawyer.”

“Thanks so much.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll talk soon. Bye!”

“Bye!” I hung up and put my phone down on the bed. Well, I was definitely awake now, so I was going to take a shower, then grab some Tylenol and hope it worked soon.

And continue wondering why the hell anyone would pay thirty thousand dollars to watch me get fucked against the wall of a broom closet.

CHAPTER TEN – THEO

My head was thumping at a million miles an hour, and now I had the worst possible thing for someone with glaring hangover: a nine-year-old talking non-stop.

I really should have thought going to the bar through.

It wasn’t the only thing from last night I should have thought through, either. I really should have considered the ramifications of going back inside to kiss Elle, but I hadn’t been thinking with my head.

No, I had most definitely been thinking with my cock.

My cock was a twat.

“Dad, what’s a sex tape?”

I jerked around, dropping the bread I’d just buttered for her sandwich. “I’m sorry, what?”

She blinked at me innocently. “What’s a sex tape?”

“Where did you hear that?”

She shuffled from side to side. “We watched some of Elle’s videos last night, and someone mentioned a sex tape in the comments. We tried to Google what one was but Amy’s mom has bans on the internet so we couldn’t find out.”

How the hell did you explain that to a nine-year-old?

“Go sit in the living room while I finish your lunch. We’ll talk then, okay?”

“Okay.” Unbothered, she skipped off out of the kitchen, humming whatever song she listened to on repeat right now.