Please, please, please don’t let me mess this up.
I withdraw him from my mouth and continue to stroke him, going on instinct as I lean in and trace the veins with my tongue. A choked sound comes from him and I glance up to find his gaze glued to me, his lips parted, his chest rising and falling in time with his accelerated breaths.
“I’m close,” he whispers. “I’m warning you.”
“Tell me what you want me to do.” Oh, I’m really feeling bold now, asking for directions. But I want this to be good for him. I want him to never forget the night I gave him a blowjob. Really? I’d like to obliterate all of those other girls who’ve done exactly this from his mind. So all he can remember, all he can fantasize about is me.
Me.
His eyes flare with heat at my words and he readjusts his position, sitting up straighter. “Grip me tighter.”
I do as he asks, liking how he doesn’t hesitate. How can I know what he wants if I don’t ask for it? Not that I’d ever had the courage to ask any other guy what he wanted before but there’s something about Shep that makes me feel different. In a good way.
In an I-will-own-my-sexuality-and-make-it-mine way.
“Suck just the head of my cock into your mouth. Ah, fuck. Yeah, just like that.” I follow his request, sucking him so hard my cheeks hollow out and from his panting breaths, I can tell he really likes that. I begin to stroke him, increasing my pace, encouraged by the dirty words that fall from his lips. Who knew Shep could be such a dirty talker? I should’ve known, but it still comes as a surprise.
A very pleasant one.
My body is tense, my nipples tight beneath my bra. I’m almost painfully aroused and I wish like crazy I didn’t have this period problem happening. Though he was the one who praised anticipation that night when I was drunk and I thought he was crazy then.
Maybe he was right after all.
“Jade.” His voice is a warning, dark and low. I glance up, sucking him deeper, loving the way he’s watching me like he’s just about to attack. “I’m gonna come.”
I don’t stop. I keep going, wanting him to come. I want to see this. To—taste this. I’ve never been in the situation before where the guy is actually going to come in my mouth so I’m curious. Really curious.
And perfectly willing to let Shep be the one to come in my mouth for the first time.
He says my name again, deeper this time, his eyes sliding closed, his mouth falling open, the cords in his neck straining beneath his skin. I stare in fascination, my lips tightening around him just as I feel the first eruption of his semen on my tongue.
“Fuck,” he groans as he lifts his hips, his length going deeper inside my mouth. I don’t move, I just take it like he described in his dream, swallowing him down, shocked that I would even do this. That I’m actually…enjoying it.
But holy hell, it’s super-hot watching him lose all control, feeling him come inside my mouth, knowing that I’m the one who did that to him. For him. His entire body is tense, his expression one of agonized pleasure as he lifts his hips one last time. I finally pull away from him, letting go of his still very hard erection and I wipe at the corner of my mouth, draw my thumb and index finger along my lower lip, making sure I’m not a mess.
“Damn.” I glance up to catch Shep rest both hands over his face, his chest still moving rapidly, his mouth pursed as he blows out a harsh breath. He runs his hands up, over his eyes, into his hair and then he’s watching me, his face like a mask, his eyes full of…something I can’t quite figure out. “I should take you home.”
I nearly fall backwards at his words. Take me home? It’s not even that late. We have the entire night together since Tristan is gone. Why would he want to take me home?
I meet his gaze again, see the unfamiliar light in his eyes and realization dawns on me.
I think what I’m seeing might be regret, mixed with a major dose of guilt.
Great.
“I hate Shepard Prescott.”
Kelli rolls her eyes, sending me a look that says here we go again. “We’re back to that? Really?”
“Kelli.” I grab hold of her arm and glance around, making sure no one can hear us before I whisper, “I had his dick in my mouth. And the minute it was over, he took me home. Never to be heard from again.” It stings just saying it. Why do I keep reliving it? It’s like pure torture yet I can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about him.
God, what a jerk. How could I be so stupid? The one time I actually want a dick in my mouth and I end up with a whole lot of dick all right. A dick who got off and then ran like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs.
“Maybe he got busy.” She shrugs, trying to look positive. When I continue to glare at her, she gives up the pretense, her shoulders slumping. “Fine. He’s an asshole. Just like you always said. You had good reason to throw up all those walls. The minute he got what he wanted, he bailed.”
Ouch. Hearing my predicament spelled out so simply is painful. But Kelli’s right. Shep is a total dick. He got what he wanted and left me without a backward glance.
It’s been a week since I last saw Shep—an entire week. No calls, no texts, no nothing. Not even a glimpse of him on campus. It’s late April, final exams are coming, I’m working on a final project for my communications class that’s keeping me extra busy and we’re down to the wire. School will be over in May. I’ll head home pretty soon after that and won’t return until classes resume in August.
Meaning I most likely won’t see Shep again, if ever, which should thrill me right? The asshole ditched me. Just like that. As if I don’t matter.
But it hurts, damn it. I’m confused. Was I that awful? Did I do it wrong? I followed his exact instructions and he seemed to enjoy himself. I mean, my God, I made him come in freaking minutes. I let him come in my mouth and I never do that. I really got into it, but he left me in the dust. Like I don’t even exist.
If I wasn’t so pissed off, I might’ve cried over this.
We’re at the cafeteria, eating salads for lunch while I lament over my Shep problem. Again. It’s all I’ve talked about since it happened. The BJ Experience. Why I name all of my moments with Shep, I don’t know but it sort of makes it fun.
Again, it’s either laugh or cry over this mess. Take your pick.
“I hate him,” I tell Kelli. “Seriously. If he were to come up to me at this very moment I’d probably knee him in the balls and tell him to go to hell.”
Kelli’s nods sympathetically, her gaze lifting to a spot above my head. Her eyes widen and I see her visibly swallow. “Uh oh,” she murmurs.
Panic sweeps up my chest, settles in my throat. Oh my God, what if it’s Shep? Yes, I want to knee him in the balls but I also want to…throw my arms around him and ask him where it all went wrong. Damn it that makes me want to punch myself in the face for even thinking that.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her, ducking my head so my hair falls in front of my face, like I’m trying to hide.
“You’ll never believe who’s headed this way.” I watch from beneath the veil of my hair as she sits up straighter, her smile bright. “Dane! Hi.”
Oh no. I can only assume who’s with Kelli’s boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend.