The Vampire's Mail-Order Bride

That being said, let us turn our attention to one matter I confess to puzzling over for quite some time. How is it that your manner of speech is considerably more formal for one of your age?

Yours,

A vampire from the kingdom of Chalys

Dear Sir,

There is no great mystery behind my rather formal manner of speaking (or writing, as it were in this case).

Due to the nature of Bethany’s employment, I was frequently subjected to bullying in the last school I attended. They believed I would follow in her footsteps, so to speak. I was disinclined to prove them right and sought to be the opposite of their expectations by volunteering at a nearby convent.

The first few weeks, I performed an assortment of routine household chores, helping the nuns in the kitchen and doing gardening. After a while, however, the Mother Superior asked if I would like to sit in for lessons with the novices. It is how I ended up learning Latin and, I must confess, sir – there was a time I seriously considered joining the order.

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

And so it must bear repeating: you are, indeed, the most interesting creature I have the pleasure of meeting. The possibility of my heartkeeper being someone else’s bride had naturally crossed my mind, but never did it occur to me that my rival would be none other than Jesus Christ himself.

Yours,

An incredulous but amused vampire from Chalys

Dear Sir,

Happy Easter.

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

I apologize for not having written for weeks. I hope you enjoyed your first Easter weekend in the island. Sir Isaac assured me that it is a holiday celebrated with much fanfare by the locals.

Moreso, thank you for the greeting. It is rare for you to write to me with neither purpose nor objective. If you would allow me to hazard a guess, mayhaps the idea of writing such a letter is not entirely your idea?

Sincerely,

A vampire from Chalys

Dear Sir,

Mr. Booth says I must practice expressing my affection. Do you reckon I succeeded?

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

While I wish to always take your side on all matters, heartkeeping also forbids me to speak any untruth.

Yours,

A vampire from Chalys

Dear Sir,

It did not escape my notice that you did not actually answer my question.

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

That in itself is already an answer.

Yours,

A vampire from Chalys

Dear Sir,

Point taken.

Yours,

Rhapsody

DEAR RHAPSODY,

A happy seventeenth birthday to you, milady. I hope you like the gift I have sent along with this letter. If there is anything else you wish for, you only have to let me know.

Sincerely,

A vampire from Chalys

Dear Sir,

Thank you very much for your gift. Something such as The Idiot’s Guide to Manners is exactly what I was hoping for but could not make myself ask.

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

If you were any other girl, milady, I would have thought you sarcastic.

Yours,

A vampire from Chalys

Dear Sir,

I am afraid the art of sarcasm still eludes me.

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Sir,

It has been sometime since your last letter. I hope all is well with you.

Yours,

Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

I beg milady’s forgiveness for causing you undue worry.

Demons from Sulphur have been doing their damnedest to stir up trouble in our land, and much had to be done to remind them that their presence remains unwelcomed in Brimstone.

I write also to let you know that I have just received your gift, which was indeed the surprise you intended it to be. I have long considered myself too old to celebrate birthdays, but if it is your wish to commemorate this occasion, then it shall be so.

On another note, Sir Isaac informs me that you have moved on to the next phase of your studies. This means you have begun training for your duties as both my heartkeeper…and pet.

While I’m certain the reference materials your guardian has provided are more than sufficient in explaining the rudiments of the latter, pray allow me this chance to address the matter with my own words.

To become my pet means you will be providing me with your blood whenever I am in need of it. While you are obliged to call me Master in public, it is entirely your choice if you wish to continue doing so in our private communications.

Some Masters are willing to share their pets with other vampires. This, however, is not something that will ever be expected of you. I shall be your only Master, and in return you alone shall be my pet. It is also very likely the only role you’ll officially play in my life. While it would have been my greatest pleasure to acknowledge you as my heartkeeper, to do so shall only place a target on your head and put you in unnecessary danger.

I know it is not an ideal arrangement, but I give you my word that I only have your best interests in mind.

Yours to command,

A remorseful future Master

Dear Sir,

You do not owe me an explanation. I trust you.