She lazily gestures toward me while stretching.
“Since you’ve been back, all the veterans have barely even glanced at you. They know Rush is crazy, and now they realize why he remained celibate. They’re not even bothering to speak to you, because he’s fucking crazy and thinks he’s the sanest madman in that club.”
I snort derisively, staring at a blank space on the wall as the glass gets heavier in my hand. Sarah finishes pouring me another round, but I hold it instead of drinking it.
“Rush and I are kindred, which is why he spends so much time learning tricks of the trade from me,” she states in an almost muted tone, causing me to turn my head toward her again.
Her eyes are almost dead now, her mood shifting with the churning tides of her drunken thoughts.
She chugs down the rest of her own freshly poured glass, staggering to the right a little. Her eyes stay fixed on the empty glass as she lowers it.
“If Snake loved me the way Rush loves you, life for me would be easy. I’m sure he thinks the same thing when he sees me stuck in the same dark void as him, while Snake tries to move forward,” she tells me, lips thinning.
My heart starts to physically ache.
“If you love him, stop holding back. You’re just fighting it because you think you’re supposed to, otherwise,” she states as she stumbles away, throwing a peace sign in the air. “That’s just my two cents, anyway. See you in the morning. Don’t worry. The security on this place is better than it looks.”
A heavy breath spills between my lips, and I stand up, wobbling a little myself because that shit has to be illegally strong. I have to use a hand to steady myself in the hallway. Okay, so I have to do it multiple times.
Seriously, what the hell is that shit?
Rush is still hugging the pillow when I start stripping out of the clothes I put on. I wish I hadn’t even left the bed. Then Sarah wouldn’t have shoved revelations down my throat and made me feel like the world’s worst person.
One person.
One person has ever loved me the way Rush has.
And I tried to forget him because it hurt too much to miss him. Sarah just thinks it’s because I wanted to lump him in with all the parts of the past I wanted to escape.
I’m completely naked when I curl up next to his bare body, sliding my leg over his waist.
He immediately drops the pillow, turning as his arms drag me closer, even as he stays asleep.
I’m tempted to tell Sarah about Snake being the one who shot her free. But…then I imagine he’d make good on his threat to shoot Rush in all my favorite places.
My mind wanders back to Rush, as I absently trace a few of the tattoos on his bicep.
Ignoring the stray tear that slips out of my eye, I kiss his chest. As quietly as I can, I whisper, “I love you, you crazy son of a bitch. Even when I tried not to, I was still so in love with you that I haven’t even known how to act since you crashed back into my life. It’s just happened too fast for me to keep up.”
Sighing, I lift my head just so I can look at his sleeping face, and go very stiff when I see him staring down at me with hooded eyes and zero expression.
Now…I want to crawl off the bed and go hide in the bathroom until this very sickening feeling of exposure is gone.
For too long, he simply just stares at me with that stoic expression, until he slowly shifts his body, turning me over until he comes down on top of me. His movements are so fluid that the transition is flawlessly smooth.
His muscles tense as his lips brush over mine in the softest, barest touch possible, and a shaky breath sneaks through my lips as my heart hurts a little more.
“I wish you’d gone with me,” I tell him, watching as his lips tense. “Because I loved you as much as I missed you, and both hurt me too much to deal with. We were just kids. It wasn’t supposed to be that powerful.”
It’s like word vomit is oozing from my mouth now that the cat has been unceremoniously tossed out of the bag.
“Hell, I barely even complained about being hog tied, Rush. It should have been obvious by now, but—”
He kisses me abruptly, using his tongue to part my lips. My fingers slink up and tangle in his hair, dragging him as close as possible. But he breaks the kiss just as suddenly as he started it, and he licks his lips before he sighs long and hard. I’m not sure what that look is. It almost looks liked…tortured anguish.