That just hurts. The second a stupid tear tries to escape my eye, I wipe it away before it can fall. His look softens ever so slightly, and he blows out a breath.
“I want you to be able to be a damn math teacher at some school where life is boring and normal. I want you to keep walking down a street without looking over your shoulder. I want you to go back to only seeing the fucking feds in movies and not worrying about them tailing you in real life. I want you to be able to sleep at night without having nightmares of what could have happened.”
His voice is strained on that last part, and I wipe another tear from my eye. This time, it’s for a different reason.
“I want you to be with your mom and brothers and some stupid fuck who can’t find your g-spot with a map. That’s what I want.”
My lips twitch and my eyes roll, but his small smile only lasts for a second.
“I want you away from all of this before it makes you hate me. But you’re stuck here for now, so I’m doing all I can to keep you away from me before I drag you down and make you the queen of hell. You should hate me already.”
“I don’t,” I say immediately.
“I know,” he groans, almost appearing helpless. “Believe me, I fucking know.”
A twinge of anger hits me, because I hate it when he sounds so damn obnoxious and arrogant.
“I don’t think you do know. And I’m sick of playing this never-ending game with you. You want to push me away? I’m happy to leave. Just get out of my damn way so I can.”
Chancing my luck, I try to walk by him, but he grabs my side and spins me until I’m pushed against the wall and he’s caging me in. My breaths grow harsh and heavy as I peer up to see the intensity in his eyes and the tension in his jaw.
“I do know how you feel,” he tells me quietly, almost sounding angry.
His thumb slides under the hem of my shirt, barely stroking the skin on my waist. Such a small touch shouldn’t carry such a massive impact, but it feels like he’s inside me with that small action.
“I also know that it’s going to get you killed unless you stop feeling that way,” he whispers, brushing his lips across my forehead as his hand goes lower. “We both know I’m not worth that, baby.”
My head tilts back when one of his hands gently cups my cheek, and his fingers move up until they thread through my hair.
“Hot and cold,” I whisper to him.
He lets his eyes drop to my lips, and he seems to have his own internal war for once. “Get my family away from Halo,” I tell him as he continues to stare.
“I plan on it,” he says, pushing closer. “I can send you with them, Eve. You can disappear in Colorado. Hell, I can send you anywhere far away from here if you want.”
His haunted blue eyes hold mine, waiting for me to answer the unspoken question.
“What happens if I want to stay?”
He releases a tortured groan before blowing out a breath.
“I fuck you until you forget your own name and only say mine twenty-four hours a day,” he says with a smirk.
I stifle a grin, since I don’t want him to have the satisfaction of making me smile when he’s constantly playing with my head.
“What happens with us? Really, Drex? Do you keep going hot and cold?”
His hands slide down my waist, and he tugs my hips until I’m slanted and pressing into him as he leisurely rakes his eyes over me.
“I’m only trying to keep you out of this shit, Eve. You grew up differently than I did. You have a choice. I never did. I’m in too deep to pull out now, and let’s face it, I’d suck as a good guy.”
He gives me a sad smile when his eyes meet mine. He would suck at being a “good” guy.
“I’m in this whether you like it or not. If you really want me to go, Drex, I’ll leave. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. But nothing in between.”
I lean closer, and his expression hardens.
“I can’t make this decision for you. If something happened to you—”
“Then let me make the decision, and you stop being an ass to me. Well, as much as possible,” I interrupt, giving him a wry grin that has his lips twitching.
“You’re sure about this? Staying with me is going to probably fuck you up.”
“I’m already fucked up. I just didn’t realize it until I met you,” I tell him, pressing even closer as my hands slide up his arms and clasp behind his neck. His arms wrap around me, but his hands slide down to cup my ass.