I was still uneasy, but I wasn’t sure why.
“Does it bother you that much?”
“I’ve just never met a man who’s slept with a prostitute.”
“Yes, you have,” he snapped. “Damien and Hades do it. I promise you the men you’ve been with have too.”
“Oh my god, that’s disgusting.”
He didn’t look apologetic. “I’m not gonna pretend I won’t go back to it when we’re over. I enjoy it and will keep doing it. It’s the oldest profession in the world, and these women do it because they want to. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Judge me all you want—I don’t give a shit.”
At least he was upfront about it, I guess.
“I have the balls to say it to your face, not to sugarcoat who I am, which is more than most men can say.”
Well, most of my lovers were short term, so there probably wasn’t time to mention their pasts.
“But I will say that I prefer you to any other woman I’ve been with.” His temper died down as he stared at me. “It’s not just because of the chemistry or how beautiful you are. It’s because I respect you, even admire you. You’re the fieriest, most fascinating, unpredictable woman I’ve ever been with…and I really like that.”
And just like that, I stopped caring about everything he’d just told me. The prostitutes didn’t matter. His criminality didn’t matter. Nothing mattered at all.
“I’ve been completely honest with you. So be completely honest with me.” His elbows rested on the table, and his hands came together in front of his chin, his knuckles close to his lips.
“What was your question again?” I quickly got lost in his raw magnetism, his undeniable sex appeal. His curb appeal was astronomical, but he also had a lot of qualities that made him even more attractive, like his bluntness, his honesty, his possessiveness.
“Why do you refuse to fall in love?”
“It’s not that I refuse…I just don’t want to.”
“Why? If you’ve never been in a relationship, how did you get so heartbroken?”
I’d never been heartbroken. “It’s not that. I just know a love like that isn’t meant to happen for me. If it did, it wouldn’t last, and it wouldn’t be right. So, I’ve chosen to be more pragmatic when it comes to finding a husband, and the only reason I want one at all is because I want to have a family.”
He shook his head slightly, as if he was disappointed. “That’s a shame. You aren’t who I thought you were.”
“Excuse me?” What the fuck did he just say to me?
“You’re afraid to fall in love…and I thought you weren’t afraid of anything.”
He didn’t understand, and if I told him, he would think I was crazy. “It’s not that I’m afraid—”
“You just said you’re afraid to fall in love because you think it wouldn’t last. That means you’re afraid. You’re afraid to put your heart out there and get crushed. You’re so scared, you won’t even try, won’t even give it a chance, and the poor guy you do end up with will be madly in love with you and know you don’t feel the same way.”
“Who said he would be in love with me?”
“Why else would a guy get married and have kids?” he asked incredulously. “We only do that shit because we’ve found a woman we can’t live without, and we have to do it or lose her. Don’t play stupid, Catalina.”
“I’m not.” My voice started to rise. “How dare you sit there and judge me when you don’t know me. You told me about your life—”
“And you judged me,” he snapped. “You bet your ass I’m going to judge you because you’re wrong. How could you possibly think that way? How could you be so fucking scared to do what people do every single day?”
Without any preparation, my eyes started to water, both from sadness and pure frustration. This man didn’t understand and he would never understand, and even if I did explain it, it wouldn’t make a difference.
When he saw the emotion enter my gaze, he turned quiet, like he knew he’d taken it too far.
“You don’t know me.” I spoke quietly, slowly, as I got to my feet. “You don’t fucking know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through. You don’t know what I know. And if you did. you would know I was the bravest bitch you’ve ever met.” I held on to my tears long enough so they wouldn’t spill until I turned away.
He got to his feet quickly and grabbed me by the arm.
I twisted out of his grasp with a speed I didn’t even know I possessed. “Don’t fucking touch me. This is over. Why the hell did I think this would ever be a good idea? So, thank you…thank you for making me realize that you’re too much of a fucking asshole for me.”