“But, you were going to do it anyway.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head. Her post-coital bliss was disappearing with every word he uttered.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Chyna, I want you to understand. I don’t want you to go. Stay with me here in New York,” he said, walking forward out of the bathroom. He sat down on the side of the bed and took her hands in his, pleading with her. “Why would you want to leave New York? Why would you want to leave me?”
“I’m not leaving you, Adam,” she reassured him. “I’ll only be gone for two months. I’ll be back before you know it.”
He shook his head. “At what cost?”
“What are you getting at?” she asked, staring down at where he was still holding her hands.
“After what happened here…” he trailed off.
“After what happened?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.
He glanced away from her but answered, “With John.”
“You think I’ll cheat on you?” she hissed. After everything that had just happened and their perfect relationship since that incident, he still thought so poorly of her. He still thought that she wouldn’t be the girlfriend that he deserved.
Her chest expanded, and her breathing suddenly became very heavy. It was like she was sucking air in and breathing it out, but none of it was happening fast enough.
Her hands began trembling lightly in his.
She couldn’t believe this. She couldn’t believe him. After the best sex of her life…he had to go and…she couldn’t even think it.
“I don’t know, Chyna. No.”
“Well, which is it?” she asked slowly, trying to make sure she kept breathing.
“No. No, I don’t think that. I just… don’t know.”
“Now, you’re not making sense,” she whispered, clutching onto his hands to keep hers from shaking.
“I just don’t want you to go. You don’t need the money!” he insisted. “Why are you going? Why are you leaving me?”
“Adam, I’m not leaving you,” she reassured him again helplessly. Why did he keep saying that? “And, it’s not about the money. I don’t care about the money. I want to prove that I can do something right, but apparently, even the right thing is wrong.”
“You don’t need to go to Italy to prove that you can do something right, Chyna,”
he told her. “You can do something right by staying here in New York! Don’t you see?”
“No, I don’t. Can’t you see that I need this? Aren’t you supposed to see that?”
she pleaded.
“Chyna, but we’re happy. Right?”
“Yeah, Adam, we’re happy. I’m not unhappy with you. I just need…my own life. You have a job that you love, and you want to work late nights because you love it so goddamn much. I don’t have anything like that! I just have…me,” she whispered.
“I want something that’s mine.”
“I’m yours,” he told her.
“Then, let me do this!”
“Okay,”
he said, standing and dropping her hands.
She breathed out a sigh of relief. He was finally coming around. He was finally seeing that she needed this.
“Then, you should be able to do this your way,” he whispered softly.
“I agree.”
“Good.”
“I’m glad we’re finally on the same page.”
“Me, too,” he said, nodding. “I can’t do long distance.”
Chyna snapped her head around to look at him. She ground her teeth to keep from showing the shock that she was sure, if he just looked at her, registered in her eyes. “You…can’t do long distance?” she asked flatly.
“No. You want this. Then, you should have it. I’m glad we agree on that.”
“Is this about Christina?” she asked him desperately. It was the only thing that explained how this was coming so far out of left field. His last girlfriend had left him because they couldn’t do long distance. Why did he assume that she was the same way? She wished he would just talk to her!
“What?” he asked, showing the shock that she had on her face only seconds ago.
“No! This is not about Christina. This is about you wanting to go off and find something of your own. This is about you following your dreams. This is about you, Chyna. This is not about me.”
“Adam,” she breathed, begging him to look at her.
“I have to go,” he said, pulling his clothes back on. “This is a mutual thing.
We agreed.” He made the last part sound like a death sentence. A mutual agreement had never felt so one-sided. “Have a safe trip,” he said, glancing at her one last time over his shoulder before making a break for the door.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. Her heart felt like it had been run over by a bulldozer. If she had thought her breathing was bad before, she wasn’t even sure if she was breathing now.
Her normal reaction would have been to immediately call Alexa or even Frederick and talk out this ridiculous turn of affairs. But, she didn’t even have it in her heart to give either of them a call.
What would they say to her that she couldn’t tell herself?
The fact that Adam would have the audacity to leave her not once but now twice was unbelievable. He claimed it was mutual, and maybe it was to an extent.
She had agreed with him after all. She needed to go. She needed to do this to prove to herself, if no one else, that she could do something great.
He had every right to leave her. He had every right to want to have a stable girlfriend. He had every right to find someone better.
She didn’t deserve the heartache. If he didn’t want her, then she shouldn’t want him. She could have another guy in a second.
All true.
None of it mattered now.
She brought her hand up to her eyes and pressed against them hard. God, she was a mess! Why did he have to leave?
For once, why couldn’t things be as wonderful and perfect as everyone thought her life was?
They were happy. They were so happy. Yet, she still wasn’t good enough for him. She still wasn’t good enough to keep around. She was going to be gone for two months, not six months, not a year.