Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding 2)

Lexi cringed to keep from saying anything stupid. She really did not want to be having this conversation. When she had left things with Jack, she had promised that she would never again let anything like that happen…not even close. She needed control. She needed to be in control. Ramsey swayed her emotions in a completely different way than Jack, and she was alright with that. It was just when the lack of control started creeping in she couldn't handle it.

The way Ramsey just brought Parker up like this hoping to influence her decision made things even worse. Her stomach had dropped when Ramsey had mentioned Parker and she couldn't explain why. She and Ramsey weren't together. It shouldn't matter to her whether Parker was going to be there or not.

But it did.

Of course it mattered to her which is exactly the reason he had brought it up. And it was exactly why she couldn't let it get to her or else he would have her hook, line, and sinker.

"Great," Lexi stated as fake cheerful as she could get.

"Look I want you to be there if Parker is going," he told her willing her to finally agree to come with him to this wedding.

"You want me to be there because Parker is going to be there?" Lexi asked incredulously. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I'd just feel more comfortable knowing you're around," he told her pleading with every word.

She really hated hearing him beg her. If things had been different and they hadn't just gone through so much together, then maybe she would have changed her mind, but probably not. She had to keep reminding herself what he was asking her to do. She could not go to Jack's wedding under any circumstances.

"So you can control what's going on?" she asked dryly a sting of venom in the comment.

He sighed heavily once more. "No, that's not it at all. Parker is just…you know and I'd feel better knowing that you were there too."

"Ramsey, as much as I'd love to be around you and Parker at the same time," Lexi told him sarcastically. "I cannot…no, I will not go to that wedding. Can you not understand? This is Jack we're talking about marrying your sister. I just cannot fathom a reason good enough to go."

"To visit me?" he asked hopefully.

"If I wanted to visit you Ramsey, I would just fly to Atlanta. I wouldn't have to go to that miserable wedding to see you," she muttered angrily. "So please, do not ask me again."

Lexi could hear the defeat in the next breath he took. He was weighing his options of whether or not to push her on the subject. It wouldn't be smart on his part. She wasn't wavering on this one like she had when Jack had called her. A lot had happened in a year and she wasn't the same person she had been back then. She had tried to say no to Jack, rather unsuccessfully, but she couldn't keep repeating history. She was too good at that to begin with.

"Alright Lexi. I won't ask again. Sorry for bothering you. Will I see you again?" he asked sounding even more disheartened than when she had first told him that she wasn't going to be in attendance.

She didn't know how to answer him either. She strode across the bedroom to stand in front of the large mirror standing on top of a hard oak desk. Her mind was telling her that she should tell him no, but she couldn't help that her heart was telling her otherwise.

She hadn't seen him in nearly three weeks since she had left him all alone in Atlanta. A wave of déjà vu passed over her in the aftermath of her reminiscence. Now she had left two men behind in Atlanta. Both who she cared deeply for but in very different ways.

Jack, it was difficult to even think about him, was a necessary loss. They were self-destructive when in each other's company. Their emotions were too strong, too heated. Their senses dulled and imaginations set free. They left a path of pain for whoever ventured near, and Jack and Lexi weren't immune to the catastrophes they created. There was a reason the sin of lust was whirled around for eternity in Dante's Inferno. No matter where they went, they couldn't help but ceaselessly be in a whirlwind always crossing that fine line between love and lust.

But did Ramsey have to be a necessary loss as well?

Admittedly, she met Ramsey around the same time she had met Jack. She simply had no direct connection to that meeting, as she had with Jack. With the passing of time, their paths had crossed again at the club in New York. It had to be more than coincidence that they had met up again in Atlanta.

Lexi wasn't a mystical person and she didn't typically adhere to fortune telling or fate. But with Ramsey, she wasn't sure if there was any other way to describe it. They had too many chances meetings. And though things hadn't worked out for them when she had been in Atlanta, she didn't necessarily want that to be the end. Even though she shouldn't, she missed him.

It was too bad he had used up his second…and third chance. They were far from perfect, but she couldn't keep letting herself fall into another path with the potential to be nearly as destructive.

"I…I don't know Ramsey," she mumbled finally giving him the best answer she could muster.

"Well, that's better than no," he said always the optimist.

She chuckled to herself. "Yeah I guess so."

"Please let me see you. I promise I won't bring up the wedding again. I just…I miss you. I'm so sorry about everything. I'd understand if you were mad at me and didn't want to see me, but I really, really miss you. I've never met anyone like you Lexi, and I don't want to waste anymore time letting you slip through my fingers," he announced.

"I can't make that kind of commitment," she told him sullenly reverting back into her standard argument. She wasn't good with commitment. She had cheated on everyone she had ever cared about. Somehow, she had even managed to become a pretty good liar, a fact she wasn't exactly proud of.

"I wish I was there to kiss you," he whispered huskily into the phone.

"Ramsey," she said warningly, but her voice had lowered impishly with the comment.

"Tell me you'll see me again," he commanded, but the words were gentle.

"I…" she trailed off. "Are you planning on being in New York?" She assumed he didn't have plans to be up here, not that money was an issue. But if he didn't already have plans, then she could stall just a little bit longer. It hadn't even been a month since they had been apart, and though she missed him, it wasn't long enough for her to try to forget him either. If he crashed back into her life so soon, she wasn't sure she'd have the will to walk out again.