Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding 2)

"What the f**k was that Lexi?" Jack cried out as he put his head between his knees to ease the pain.

"What the f**k was that?" she asked him. "Are you joking? You were molesting me on the day of your wedding!"

"No need to knee me in my balls. Fuck," he cried out again relenting to sit helplessly on the floor.

"Oh you don't think so? What gives you the right to kiss me? You completely lost all privileges in that department when you proposed to Bekah. What kind of person kisses someone else on their wedding day?" she asked throwing her arms in the air. "Are you a f**king moron Jack? Do you know nothing of fidelity or loyalty or honesty or commitment? I think you have no concept of those things. You are the exact same person you are when I first met you. You haven't changed at all."

"You liked that person," he grumbled painfully.

"Oh don't even get me started on that front! You lied to me. You were dating someone else and you never even bothered to tell me. How could I ever have been fooled into thinking you would like and respect me after that, let alone think you could ever love me? You are too selfish to see anyone or anything else," Lexi spat at him.

"You weren't much better. You cheated on Clark," he mumbled taking deep breathes.

"It is my greatest shame, my biggest regret. You…you don't even know what those words mean. You never felt bad…never. You never wanted me to be first. Bekah was right about one thing, as much as I hate to admit that, but I always was second best to you. You never wanted me for me. You wanted me for the easy sex you got when we were talking. We had so many shots and you just blew it. You knocked it out of the park. You made us look like we could never be together." Lexi crossed her arms angrily thinking about how f**ked up their relationship had been for so long. She was just as angry with herself for putting up with it. She didn't care if she loved him or if she wanted to be around him or that they had this immediate attraction. She needed more than that and it was something Jack was never able to provide.

"I did want us to be together," he said glancing back up at her finally.

Lexi bent down to look at him at eye level. She couldn't believe how gorgeous his eyes still looked even as they were teared up and slightly red. But he would need more than the beautiful blue eyes she had always fallen for to get out of this conversation. "It took me a long time to realize how much of a liar you are."

"I'm not a liar, Lex. I always said I would tell you the truth," he whined.

Lexi shook her head. "You always said the words, but you only spoke the truth when it benefited you. And in that sense Jack, you have never changed."

"When did I lie to you?" he demanded. He doubled back over as he clutched himself. She had really done a number on him.

"When?" she asked with a cynical laugh. "You want me to make a list for you?"

Jack nodded. "When I honestly lied to you Lexi."

"I think your most telling moment Jack was when you told me that you wanted to be with me and then proposed to Bekah. If that isn't the biggest lie you've ever told, then I don't know what is," she spoke bitterly.

Jack raised his head and let his sad blue eyes rest back on her. "I did want us to work Lexi."

"But you proposed to her only hours after having sex with me!" she cried straightening up to avoid the prolonged eye contact. "That's disgusting."

"It's just…I thought we could be together, and then I saw you with Ramsey. I was…jealous," he murmured attempting to stand up.

"You were jealous of Ramsey?" she asked arching an eyebrow.

"Yea and apparently I had good reason to be. You guys were together for a year. You're here for him," he said with a shrug. He coughed twice trying to resist the bile that was rising in his throat. His lower half was throbbing in the most uncomfortable pain of his life. He felt like a tingly soreness had just fallen over his entire body and something was caught in his throat. He wouldn't be walking straight for awhile.

"So you proposed to Bekah, because I kissed Ramsey not because you wanted to marry her?" Lexi asked. However implausible the scenario was, she wanted to get his absurd answers out in the open.

"That's not exactly what I meant."

"No? You do realize whatever you are going to say is going to sound ridiculous," she asked crossing her arms again to block off the sympathy that was starting to creep up in her. She had known Jack too long. She didn't need to get sucked into his trap again.

"I just mean that when I saw you with Ramsey, I saw that I wasn't everything to you," he murmured leaning against a dresser for support. "I saw that we had too much baggage to really work together as a couple. I wanted it. I always wanted it, but I just wasn't sure if it was ever plausible. I wasn't sure if you could ever look past what had happened in our past to move onto a future with us."

"So you picked the easy way out. You f**ked me and then went for your blonde bitch as always," she snapped forcefully. Lexi was so angry at his explanation. She had had similar thoughts at one point in time, but that didn't mean she was just going to walk away from him. She had ran away so many times before so it should have made sense that Jack had done the same thing. They were two peas in a pod. But to just desert their entire past because he was scared and jealous was just a terrible explanation. She would have expected better from Jack. Even though she didn't know why she should have that expectation. He had always fallen short of them before. "You didn't even have the decency to…oh I don't know…communicate with me about any of this. I didn't even know you were planning to propose and then poof you're engaged."

"I was going to tell you," he said reaching out to her.

Lexi instantly took a step away from him. She couldn't believe him. She couldn't believe anything he said to her anymore. He had lied to her…about everything. And it was about damn time that she followed through with that belief. No more giving in to him just because that was what she had always done. She liked to think she had grown since then…even in a week's time. "No. No you weren't, and it doesn't matter. You were right about Ramsey anyway. That's probably why we're back together."

"What?" Jack asked his head snapping to face her. He groaned at the sudden movement and leaned more heavily on the dresser. "You guys are back together."