Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

Instead of fingering her like she so desired, he ran his fingers across the wet sides of her lips hitting each sensitive nerve perfectly. Her back arched and she let loose a low moan, feeling her body reaching all new heights. He was drawing out her pleasure, knowing that each touch was sending her farther and farther over the edge. He was increasing her bliss by prolonging the time until her climax, waiting until he allowed her to orgasm. When he knew she couldn't take it any longer, he inserted two of his fingers directly into her. He felt her instantly clench around him, causing his erection to harden even further in his jeans.

Lexi began laboriously panting as she felt her climax begin to take over her body. Jack's fingers were working in a come-hither motion on the inside of her sending her over the edge. She moaned even louder, only just resisting the urge to scream in delight.

Her legs were shaking convulsively by now as he removed his fingers and swiped at his mouth. "I've wanted to do that for so long," he said leaning forward and kissing her, giving her a taste of herself. "And damn, do you taste good."

She blushed slightly at his words. Even after what they had just gone through, sexual references still made her blush. This made her giggle. She felt euphoric.

"Damn, Lex, you look sexy like that." He assessed her naked form. "You should always be naked around me."

She blushed even deeper. "Come here," she commanded snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. "I want you," she moaned against his lips.

"You want me?"

"Inside of me. Now."

She didn't have to say it twice. He quickly undid his belt and tugged his jeans to the ground. Lexi smiled sweetly at his blue boxers covered with tiny yellow fish. He tore those off as well and repositioned himself over her. It was his turn to pant while his erection hovered only inches above her soaking wet opening.

His crystal clear blue eyes bored into as he got ready to meet her. "Are you sure, Lex?" She could tell it was taking every ounce of self-control he had to not just shove himself right inside of her, taking her for his own. Every inch – yes every inch – was hard-pressed and ready to go.

But was she sure? She hadn't been sure the whole time. In fact, the only thing she had been sure of was having the most amazing orgasm she could ever imagine. She wanted him inside of her, but something was nagging at her. If she went ahead and slept with him right then and there, like her body was begging her to do, there would be no going back. Maybe if they stopped where they were, she would be able to recover from what happened, but not after sex. Sex was final.

"Lex, you're killing me here. I want you. I just need to know if you are sure this is what you want."

She sighed heavily, her hands coming to cover her face. "Oh Jack, it's what I want." He sighed happily, and moved himself so that the tip just barely touched her. He then shifted his hips to rub it up against her gently. She moaned heavily at the feel of him, and then pushed herself away. "But I can't," she whispered sitting up against the headboard.

She watched his face fall as he realized that she wasn't going to go through with it. But he wasn't going to pressure her. If she said no, then he was going to be okay with that.

He rolled over to the other side of the bed and lay back against the sheets. "I just want to make everything up to you. If you don't want to go further, that's okay," he finally said after his breath began to even out.

Lexi hopped off the bed and quickly began throwing on clothes. "Actually, I don't think you should make it up to me."

"What?" he asked concern written on his face.

"Jack, I have a boyfriend. I can't believe I just did that." Guilt began to wash over her.

"But you said it was okay."

"I know I did. You didn't do anything wrong. You asked me if it was okay. I was wrong for not stopping you."

"No, Lex, you weren't wrong," he said joining her on the carpet and grabbing her hands in his.

"I was wrong. I can't be around you Jack."

"This is something you want though."

"Not while I'm with someone else," she said her face lifting to meet his. Tears were welling in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She was so ashamed of herself. "I just have to go."

"Lexi, please, don't run out like this," he said tugging on his boxers and jeans.

"I can't be around you," she yelled, hating herself for raising her voice when he had done nothing wrong. She just wanted to crawl into a hole. She felt like such a creep. How could she go on? How could she live with herself? She had been so lost in the moment – in him – that she couldn't even think straight. She couldn't process that she was ruining her life by being there with him, by letting him touch and kiss her like that. No matter how wonderful it had been the guilt she was feeling was so much worse.

"Don't beat yourself up about this," he whispered to her as she threw her purse onto her shoulder and moved towards the bedroom door. "I don't want you walking out the door and never talking to me again."

"Jack, what I feel for you...I can't feel like this when I have someone else. I'm not supposed to be this person. I'm not supposed to do these things. You have to understand. You're too much for me."

"I can't understand that. We're right for each other."

"But not right now," she said, hollowly repeating the words he had bestowed up her the last time they had tried to work things out. Her brown eyes glanced up and met his. "Isn't that right?"

"No," he said reaching out for her. "Right now is right." She backed away not wanting to be touched by anyone especially not him. All she needed was a scalding shower and a few nights of repentance. Thank God, Spencer wouldn't be back for a couple days. Maybe by then he wouldn't notice.

"No Jack," she murmured shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I can't be around you."

"Lex, come on."

"No," she stated firmly. "I'll miss you." Her words came out weak.

"I don't want to miss you again. I want to see you more. I want us to hang out. God, I want us to finish our movie."

She shook her head adamantly. "I shouldn't have come over. I knew this was going to happen. I'm such an idiot. I can't resist you. Good-bye," she said reaching out and giving him a fleeting kiss before yanking the door and rushing out of the room.