Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

"I...I don't know what to think. Why would Clark say that if it wasn't true?

Jack's face had gone pale at the realization of what she had just said. In his earnest desire to let Lexi know he hadn't breathed word to Clark, he'd completely skipped by the fact that Clark did know which meant one thing: Lexi had told him. Clark had trapped her into admitting all. It was an amazing feat that he'd pulled it off at all, but he knew now. No more hiding.

"He trapped you and you told him everything," he finally said soaking in the information that Clark knew...and Kate would soon follow. "Fuck."

"Oh God, this is so f**ked up," she cried falling to the couch. "He actually didn't talk to you. The conniving little..." she trailed off. It was useless to be angry at Clark. She should have told him in the first place and it was her fault that he'd had to find out this way. How could she have let this happen? How could she have let this thing with Jack spiral so far out of control?

She was acting just like Jack had while he'd dated Danielle. Only three years ago, she'd screamed at him for doing less with her behind his girlfriends back. Now look at where she was. How had she changed this much over the past couple years? She would never have let herself get into his kind of position with anyone else.

Damn it! Why did Jack do this to her? It was so exhilarating being in his presence that sometimes she felt like she never wanted to leave. After the amazing night they'd shared, she just couldn't believe they were sitting here like this. Less than twelve hours since that amazing kiss lying wrapped up in his arms and here they were arguing and freaked out about the people they were actually dating finding out. God, they were pathetic.

Beyond that she had no idea what to do she'd come here ready to be angry at Jack for the rest of eternity, and now what? He hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, she'd been the one to spill the beans. If anything Jack should hate her, but the way he was looking at her said a different story. He looked like the same Jack to her maybe just a tad bit paler.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered through her fingers. Her head rested in her hands and small tears trickled down her face collecting in a pool in her palms. She felt the sofa adjust next to her as Jack's weight shifted the cushion. He slowly brushed her hair back several times pushing a few loose strands behind her ear just like she habitually did.

"We'll figure it out," he said soothingly.

Lexi sobbed into her hands as he continued to stroke her hair. There was nothing he could do or say that would make her feel better at that moment. She was lost in her own misery.

"Are you going to tell Kate?" Lexi asked finally looking up at him.

His hand stilled at the nape of her neck as their eyes met. "I…uh…I dunno."

"Jack, you know he's going to tell her about it. He was so angry. If you had seen him, you'd understand what I'm talking about."

"Did he say he was going to tell her?" Jack asked him.

"Uh…well no," Lexi admitted. She had just assumed that Clark would tell Kate everything. If she was in his position, that's what she would do. Jack had ruined Clark's life. It seemed only fitting for Clark to return the favor.

"So maybe he won't tell her," he said wistfully.

Lexi stood swiftly. "So what? You're just going to go on with your life?" she asked through her tears. "You're just going to go back to being happy-go-lucky Jack with Kate on his arm? I don't understand you at all. Even if he doesn't tell her, she's sure to find out. She's not all that bright, but she's not an idiot. She had to know something was up. Clark did."

"I doubt she would find out," he said looking down.

"What? How could you say that?"

"Look you said it yourself. She's not as bright as Clark who obviously figured this all out on his own. If he didn't say anything about telling Kate, then maybe he's not going to tell her."

"And you're not going to tell her?"

He met her fierce gaze. "I don't see why I would."

"Oh…you don't see why you would."

"God, Lex, you wouldn't tell Clark if the positions were reversed." She didn't really want to think about that. She had no idea what she would do if the roles were reversed. "And anyway I would never let Kate have any idea what we were up to."

Lexi gasped. "Are you implying that I set this up for him to find out?"

"I'm not implying anything. Stop putting words in my mouth. All I'm saying is that there's no way you would tell Clark. You'd have no reason to tell him."

Lexi's mouth just hung open. Was he serious? He could find no reason to tell his girlfriend that he'd been cheating on her? She sighed heavily. "I don't know what I would do, because circumstances aren't reversed, but I'd at least be smart about it."

"Fine. Tell me how to be smart about all this. You think telling Kate is a smart decision? Well you're wrong. Kate and I have been together for years, and if I told her it would crush her."

"Maybe you should have thought about that," Lexi said.

"You think I didn't think about that? I f**king thought about it all the time. But you…I don't even know. Once I remembered what it was like to be with you, I didn't want to let it all go again." Lexi allowed herself a small smile at his admission. "But I wasn't ready to get rid of Kate either. And I'm still not ready to get rid of her."

"But you're ready to get rid of me?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying. God, I don't even know what I'm saying. All I know is that I can't tell Kate just yet. I couldn't imagine being the one to crush her. She would never be the same."

Lexi shook her head unable to believe everything he was saying. It was just like before except this time she knew about what was happening. She had allowed herself to get into this position for the second time with the same guy.

Not that she had been prepared to let go of Clark, but that seemed to be the obvious course of action. This was something that wouldn't go unpunished. Clark was the kind of guy who could find a million different girls to be with, and he had chosen her. At the flip of a switch, he could have any other girl, and Lexi knew that when he eventually decided to talk to her again that would be the outcome.