Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

"Oh," she said lamely. Lexi sucked her bottom lip into her mouth biting down lightly. She could tell that it was a big deal or he wouldn't have to be so secretive about it. But she was already afraid of what he might say. There was no need to bring anything else up until he was ready.

Lexi sat back against the desk scooting over a few coffee mugs and notes from class and waited for Jack to speak. "I thought you were going to change," he noted once he finally spoke up. His eyes roamed her body.

"I was, but you wanted to talk to me first."

"I didn't expect to speak to you naked," he murmured.

"I'm not naked," she told him pointing towards her tiny towel.

"Close enough."

"No it's really not. You've seen me in less."

Jack cringed away at her words. Not a good sign. "Just...change."

"I'd rather we talk," she told him standing her ground.

"Fine," he muttered standing swiftly from the chair and knocking it back against the wall. Lexi jolted from where she was sitting. "So let's talk."

Lexi waited. "Well I don't know what you want to talk about," she whispered her eyes cast to the floor in anticipation.

"I don't really know how to begin this."

"Are you," she choked on the words, "are you breaking up with me?" She felt tears welling in her eyes at the prospect. The way he was talking that was the only conclusion she could come to. He had realized he didn't want her after all and they were not going to be working towards that relationship. It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense at all after what he had said to Clark, but she couldn't see an alternative. She had been through break ups before and he was about hitting it on the nose.

"What?" he asked his mouth popping open. "No. Well I couldn't anyway. We're not in a relationship. I mean we're together, but we're not...you know...together."

Lexi really could not tell the difference anymore. They had been doing everything together for over a month, they had been sleeping together for over a year and a half, and they had been intimately involved emotionally for nearly four years. How much more could he want?

"So we're not breaking up then?" she asked feeling pitiful.

"No, well, I dunno," he muttered.

Lexi coughed running her fingers through her stick straight hair, and trying not to cry. "Why don't you know?"

"It all depends on you."

"Well I don't want us to break up."

Jack smiled a true genuine smile reaching all the way up to his beautiful blue eyes. "Yeah?" he asked his smile beginning to wane. "Well you might change your mind."

"I don't think so. I've made up my mind."

"Look Lex, I don't want to lie to you. I told you I never would, and I want to stick by that."

Lexi's heart was beating out of her chest. It was almost painful as the weight of it slammed forcefully back and forth against her ribcage. He had lied to her just as she had feared. She just didn't know what it could be about. Was it the blonde girl? Did he not go to the interview? Did he lie to Clark about them being together?

"Well then don't lie to me."

"I don't want to," he said stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I just have to tell you something."

"What do you have to tell me?" she asked impatiently. "Is this about the girl Claire saw you leaving with last night?"

"Girl?" he asked confused. "No, it has nothing to do with that. She was just drunk and I was helping her out of the party and into a cab."

"Is this about the interview?" she couldn't help asking.

"No...well yeah sort of, but please Lexi just let me speak," he finally commanded her. Lexi waited expectedly. "I...I slept with someone else last night."

It was Lexi's turn to shoot up from her seat. "What?" she screeched nearly dropping her towel. She grappled for the loose material pulling it up to fully cover her body.

"I...yeah. I didn't get the job. I just wanted to go home and crash, but then there was a huge party at my place. I couldn't get any rest so I got hammered instead. One thing led to another and..."

"So you just slept with someone?" she asked in horror.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just f**ked up. It didn't mean anything."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Oh I'm sorry Lexi it was just a meaningless f**k! How do you think that could help me? What the f**k were you thinking?" she questioned him pulling out a t-shirt and gym shorts from her dresser and hastily yanking them on. She felt exposed in her towel and realized now why he had wanted her to change.

"I wasn't thinking. I was drunk and it just sort of happened," he yelled back.

"You're absolutely ridiculous!"

"Stop getting so riled up. I came here to tell you because I couldn't keep it from you. Isn't that worth something?"

Lexi's eyes narrowed as they zeroed in on him. "A very small something."

"Oh come on."

"Did you somehow think this would be okay? I don't understand your motives at all."

"Lex, I didn't have a motive. It just happened. You of all people should know what that feels like."

"No I don't know what that feels like! I never just slept with someone without forethought."

"You're such a liar. When we first slept together you had no intention of sleeping with me and then we did."

"Whatever. That was us though Jack. We're...different." She so desperately wanted to make him understand.

"You're such a hypocrite," he cried throwing his hands up in the air. "What do you think we were doing the whole time we were with other people? We were cheating on them. We were the bad guys."

"I know that," she yelled back forcefully.

"Then why the f**k are you getting so pissed off about what happened? I f**ked up alright. We've done that before," he said pushing away his feeling towards his actions.

"Oh don't even go there with me Jack. You know that's not true. We both know what we are. We cheated on other people, and that was what defined us. That was what defined our connection for quite some time."

"Then why are you freaking out?" he asked exasperated.