Savage Hearts

Because one shouldn’t commit murder or kidnapping on an empty stomach.

The thought inspires a sharp, hysterical burst of laughter, but luckily Danny is flushing the toilet and doesn’t hear me.

That’s good. I don’t want him to be worried about me. I’m ready for this and as long as I keep busy I’m not going to have a breakdown.

We leave the commune just after three o’clock, allegedly on our way to a romantic dinner in the next town over. The dinner is our excuse for begging off from a night on the town with Paola and the rest of the guides to celebrate our last night in Costa Rica.

As Danny drives, I let myself imagine what it would be like to be the Sam they think I am, a woman without a care in the world but what exotic location she and her boyfriend are on their way to next. I imagine that Sam, drinking beers by the beach with her new friends and then getting talked into dancing at the tiny club in town, wiggling to perky techno music that never seems to make it onto the airwaves in the states.

It’s so real I can almost see it.

So real that I think maybe that Sam does exist somewhere, in a parallel universe where I wasn’t shattered and put back together with sharper edges than I had before.

But her world isn’t my world, and by the time we reach the rental house and park the car in the garage, I’m coming fully online for the first time all day. As Danny and I pull on our gloves—we’re not going to leave any prints behind—and do a quick check of the house and the surrounding areas, ensuring the house across the street is still unoccupied and no one will be watching our guests pull in later tonight, my blood rushes faster and my senses sharpen. I feel like I used to right before a volleyball game in high school, after our coach had delivered the pep talk and we were just waiting to run out onto the court.

Everything is ready, now it’s just a matter of sticking to the game plan and following through.

“I’m going to tell Rosa to text me if she has any trouble getting J.D. and Jeremy out of the hotel,” Danny says after we’ve each forced down half a sandwich and some water. “If I don’t hear from her within ten minutes of dropping her off, I’ll be on my way back here. I’ll text you before I head out.”

I force myself to exhale slowly. “I’ll be ready. Be careful.”

“I will.” He watches me for a beat, before he adds, “This is it. Last chance to bow out. I can handle it alone if you need me to.”

I shake my head. “No. I’m nervous, but I want to be a part of it. I need to be a part of it.”

“Okay.” He squeezes my hand. “It’s almost over. Just keep remembering that. It’s almost behind us.”

“Love you.” I lean in for a kiss, which he returns, firmly, but sweetly, and then he’s gone.

After he leaves, I change into my blacks in the garage and pull my hair back into a bun I’ll tuck under my sock mask when the time comes. I scan the concrete for hairs and tuck the few I find into the pocket of my black jeans, determined not to leave any DNA evidence behind.

Last, I check the lock on the front door to make sure it’s open, turn the radio on in the living room so it sounds like there’s a party in the house, and get the ketamine injections ready to go.

It seems like only a few minutes have passed when Danny texts me that operation Rosa was a success and he’s on his way back.

All day long, time has been dragging, but now everything speeds up until it feels like the future is a bullet train bearing down on me and there’s no time to get off the tracks. But I don’t want to jump to safety. I’m going to stand and face the future.

Because the past demands it.

Because on New Year’s Eve a year and a half ago, four boys set this series of events in motion. They created the monster I am now, and tonight, they are going to reap what they have sown.

Ten minutes later, I hear the car pull into the garage and the garage door humming closed. A moment later, Danny hurries into the foyer, an aluminum baseball bat in one hand and our sock masks in the other. “They’re not far behind me. We should get ready. Remember, most important thing is that we get the door closed behind them before we make a move.”

I nod. “I’ll take care of Rosa and then come help you if you need it.”