“What? No. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“What if I said no?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Mallory,” I growl.
“I’m not. I genuinely want to know what you would have done.”
What’s the right answer here? I’m not sure what she’s looking for, so I go with the truth. “Then, I guess I would’ve had to go home without you and hope you were still waiting for me when I returned.”
Apparently, that was what she wanted to hear. She grabs my face and kisses the fuck out of me.
“What’s that for?”
“You can’t take care of anyone else if you can’t take care of yourself.”
“You’re still coming with me, though, right?”
She laughs and bobs her head up and down, like I’m crazy for suggesting otherwise. “Yes, Chaser. You can’t shake me that easily.”
I can’t book us on a flight to Buffalo until the next morning.
The wait is hell. An hour seems to take forever to crawl by. How am I supposed to survive the next twenty-four without losing my mind?
No matter how hard I try to concentrate, that dog shit feeling clings to me. My mind won’t stop fantasizing about running downstairs to scrounge up some coke. Fuck knows the one thing that will make this so much harder to kick is how easy it is to score around here.
The need isn’t even physical. It’s more of a mental craving and that pisses me off even more.
Finally, I snap. I can’t take another second. “I have to go downstairs and let the guys know I’m leaving.” I jump up, already running for the door.
“Do you need me to go with you?” Mallory asks.
That’s the last thing I need.
Because there’s a pretty good chance I’ll score enough coke to get me through the next day and a half.
The thought disgusts me.
All along I’d been convinced quitting wouldn’t be an issue. Right up until I actually try to quit. I’ve never felt weaker. And I don’t need Mallory to witness how low I’ve sunk.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chaser
Jacob’s still unconscious in the bathtub when I make it downstairs. Can’t worry about him right now. Like Mallory said, I can’t help anyone else until I get myself sorted.
“You sure he’s still breathing?” I ask Alvin. Out of all of us, he’s the responsible one who would check shit like that.
He peers into the bathroom and shrugs. “Stuck a mirror under his nose earlier. He’s alive.”
How did we slam into rock bottom in such a short amount of time?
“I’m fine,” Jacob groans. “Get the fuck out and let me sleep.”
Thank fuck. As much as Jacob pisses me off, I don’t want the fucker to die.
I find my way out to the living room.
“What’s wrong, Chaser? You look ready to jump out of your skin,” Garrett says.
No reason to draw this out. Or ask for permission. “I’m going home for a few weeks.”
Garrett sits back and runs his hands through his hair, but doesn’t say a word.
Alvin pins me with a stern look. “We’re not done with the demo for Cutter. The longer we make him wait, the greater the chance he refuses to work with us.”
“For now, we’re done.” I throw my hand out toward the bathroom. “We would’ve delivered the songs to Cutter weeks ago if it wasn’t for Jacob fucking around.”
“What’s going on?” Garrett asks.
“I’m too fucked up, and I need to get clean.” No point in lying to my bandmates. It’s not like they haven’t witnessed my decline firsthand. Maybe if they know I’m getting my shit together, it will encourage them to do the same.
Hell, I can dream, right?
Garrett shakes his head and walks out of the room.
“Why now?” Alvin asks.
I lean in. “Bro, this is messing with me way too much. All the stuff I’ve been writing lately is shallow and shitty. I either can’t sleep or I sleep too damn much.” I lower my voice. “Can’t keep my dick up long enough to fuck my girl. That’s the final straw. The lowest I’m willing to go.”
The son of a bitch roars with laughter.
“It’s not funny.”
“No,” he says, turning serious again. “It’s not.”
“Will you check on our place while we’re gone?” I point at him. “And do not use it as another party pad.”
The corners of his mouth tip up. “Nah, if anything, I’ll probably use it to get away from these two fiends.”
“You gotta look after Jacob. G’s got no spine when it comes to him. I’m sorry, I’m dumping it on you, but I’m no good to any of you in this condition.”
“No, I get it.” He rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “You tell Val yet?”
“Fuck. No, I just decided this morning.”
He claps his hand over my shoulder and squeezes. “I’ll go with you to break the news.”
Before leaving, I need to pop upstairs and let Mallory know where I’m going. After last night, if I disappear on her right now, no matter the reason, she might not be here when I return.