Under His Roof - Love Under Lockdown

I can’t keep the anger from seeping into my voice.

She looks hurt, then shocked.

“Oh Matt, I’m so sorry,” she apologizes.

She tries to put her arms around me, but I pull away from her.

“You don’t understand,” she tries to explain. “Those notes were from when I first got here. I wrote them down because I was trying to convince myself not to fall for you. The more I felt myself falling, the more I wrote, to try to talk myself out of it. I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

I can hear tears in her voice, but I tell myself not to fall for it. She reaches for me again, and I shrug away.

“I’m going to the office to work,” I grate out harshly.

I walk out the living room and go to my desk, slamming the door behind me. I sit down, but I know I won’t be able to concentrate on anything. I feel far too agitated right now.

I sigh heavily and lay my head on the desk. I close my eyes and let the cool feeling of the wood relax me. I feel a very strong headache coming on because of all this.

I know she is probably crying out there, but I tell myself to be strong and not think about her right now. I am really hurt.

I can’t believe that anyone would write or believe those things about me. I think I’m most hurt about the “fling” comment.

Even if it was before we were together, how can I trust her knowing that she was thinking that? I really wanted things to be serious with her. I guess I was wrong about everything.

After I unleash my storm of emotions, a great sense of tiredness overwhelms me, along with the massive headache. I groan, then pull open my desk drawer.

I take out a little bottle of aspirin. I shake two capsules and swallow them. I close the bottle and put it back. That will help my head, so now I only have to worry about how to distract my mind.

I turn on the light and start sorting out the projects we had worked on recently. Some need to be copied and shared with the other partners. I quickly go through them, marking some as priority and leaving the others in a pile.

I feel my headache subside, as well as my emotions. The job usually helps me with that. Now I just feel tired, mentally and physically. The run I took earlier played a big part in that. I haven’t exerted myself like that in a really long time.

It’s late by the time I finish work, but I’m not ready to see her again.

I turn off the light and fall asleep on the small couch in my office.

I’m not sure what will happen next and part of me doesn’t want to ever have to find out.

I just want to hide in here forever.

Chapter 10

Cassie

I’ve never felt this sad in my life.

It’s been two days and Matt is still keeping his distance from me.

He spends all his time working in the study.

He only communicates with me by sending me emails about what he needs. The coldness makes me feel so heartbroken.

I can’t believe how quickly things changed. I miss the intimacy that had developed so quickly between us.

Now, I don’t know if we will ever be able to get that back. I sigh sadly and hug my pillow to my chest. It’s not the same as holding him.

I don’t know what to think.

I just can’t believe it’s going to end like this. Especially when it only barely started. I have no idea what to do or say. He won’t accept my apologies or anything.

I was so stupid to have written those reasons down like that, especially since I’m starting to think that there was nothing I could have done to keep myself from falling for him.

I guess the feelings I have for him are useless now. It hurts to think about that. I never saw this coming, and I wish things didn’t happen this way.

I’m so sorry, Matt.

I grab my notebook and rip up those papers into tiny pieces. I throw them into the trash can by the bed.

I can feel tears building up behind my eyes, but I blink them away. I sit back on the bed and stare at the door, willing him to come to me. I know it’s no use. I sigh sadly. I feel so horrible that it’s over between us.

I don’t think I can bear this anymore. It’s just too painful to be this close to him and not be able to be with him.

I wonder if I should just leave?

Maybe that would be best, seeing as there is nothing going on between us anymore. I push the pillow away and get up off the bed. Though my heart is sad, I know leaving might be what I have to do.