Darkest Before Dawn (KGI 10)

“I will never hate you, Mom,” Honor said quietly from the doorway of the kitchen.

They had been so absorbed in their discussion and concern, they hadn’t heard Honor enter the kitchen.

“I’m sorry I’ve worried you. All of you,” she added, sweeping her glance over each family member, sorrow and apology bright in her eyes. “If going to the doctor will ease your worry, then I’ll go. I’m sure it’s just a stomach bug or something. After everything else I’ve had happen, this hasn’t even registered on my radar,” she said honestly.

Brad’s features darkened into a mask of hatred at the mention of all his sister had suffered. He was the sheriff, sworn to uphold the law and seek justice. By the book. But by all that was holy, if he could have gotten his hands on the bastards who’d tortured Honor, he’d have killed them in cold blood and suffered absolutely no remorse.

“I’m going too,” Mandie said, sliding her arm through Honor’s and then offering her sister an affectionate squeeze. “No way I’d leave you to Mom’s mercy alone. She can be ruthless. She’ll probably have the poor doctor stammering his way through the exam.”

Honor smiled. Mandie could defuse any situation with her wit and humor. It was one of the many reasons she loved her sister so dearly. She loved them all, and she realized, to her shame, that she wasn’t the only one suffering. She’d been selfish and self-absorbed while her family were clearly at their wit’s end.

“I am sorry,” Honor said, sincerity ringing in her voice. “I didn’t mean to be such a burden to you all and worry you so much. I’ve been selfish.”

Her mom rounded the corner of the island and caught Honor in a fierce hug.

“You are not a burden. You are not selfish, and I won’t have you saying so. You’re our baby, Honor. The heart and soul of this entire family. Always the peacemaker, always the first one to smooth things over. The first to offer a hug. You’ve always known what everyone needs and given it without hesitation. You have the most generous heart of anyone I know. Of course we worry. Because of all people you didn’t deserve what happened to you!”

Tears fell freely and Honor could no longer tell if it was her mother hugging her or Honor hugging her mother.

And then Brad gently pried them apart and enveloped Honor in his arms. Always the big brother. Her protector. She’d been his shadow since the day she learned to walk as a toddler, and he’d never minded, had never been too busy for his baby sister. How she loved them all. She’d missed her family. The closeness. The unconditional love of a tight-knit family unit.

“I’m angry,” he said in a low voice against her ear. “I see shit every day and nothing compares to what was done to you. Goddamn it, you of all people didn’t deserve this. You are everything that is good in this world, Honor. Not one of us could have done what you did. Give selflessly of yourself to help people no one else would help, knowing and accepting the risk, knowing it could mean your life. Burden? You are a gift, baby girl, and don’t you ever forget it. I love you above all others. I always will. From the day you were born, I knew you were something special and that you would accomplish great things. I just never imagined the sacrifices you would have to make in order to answer your calling.”

Honor’s eyes watered, when she hadn’t cried since the first time she’d come home to her parents. She knew they worried that she was in denial. That she wasn’t dealing with her demons and only suppressing them. But the truth was, she was numb and grieving for what they knew nothing of. God, if only the torture and abuse were all she had to deal with. But she’d never get over Hancock and his betrayal. God help her, but she loved him still. After everything he’d done, the promises he’d broken, making love to her and making her believe he felt for her what she felt for him. She couldn’t bring herself to truly hate him, and that made her angry. Furious.

“If we’re going to make the appointment, then we need to get moving,” her mother said briskly, wiping away her tears and slipping into mom mode. “I’ll expect the guys to take care of dinner tonight since my daughters and I won’t be back until late. They’re working her in as the last appointment of the day.”

Tate gave a lazy grin. “I think we can handle that.”

•   •   •

TWO hours later, Honor walked numbly back into the waiting room where Mandie and her mother sat. Her mom hadn’t been pleased that Honor had insisted on seeing the doctor alone and so wasn’t privy to the doctor’s diagnosis. But Honor knew that her mom would have harangued the doctor and they would still be in the exam room if Honor hadn’t put her foot down and made her mother and sister wait outside.

Her mom and sister immediately picked up on Honor’s somber, shocked demeanor, and they both bolted from their chairs and surrounded her immediately.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” her mother demanded.

Honor held up a shaking hand. It was all she could do to keep what little control she had in check and not shatter in front of the entire waiting room.

“Please, not here,” she whispered. “Please, let’s just go home. I’ll tell you everything there. But not here. Please.”

Her mom’s mouth set into a mutinous line, but Mandie, sensing how dangerously close Honor was to breaking down, wrapped a supportive arm around Honor’s waist and began walking out of the clinic and into the parking lot.