Because the moment I’d announced that Patrick was at fault for all that had happened to me, I came to the awful realization that it was true. It was absolutely true. And it was too much for me to handle on top of every other thing I’d endured over the past week.
I didn’t speak at all for the rest of the day.
Not on the plane to New York, or when Peg tried to discuss where we’d go from there.
I still hadn’t spoken when we climbed onto a bus in Port Authority on our way to Texas, or when Peg rented us a small house on the outskirts of Austin with the money Robbie had given her just days before he died.
I didn’t speak for months.
Not one word.
My voice was frozen in my throat. I had nothing left in me to say.
Chapter 38
Patrick
I was practically vibrating with excitement when we pulled our bikes into the parking lot of the pub where we were meeting Doc and the women. The last week and a half had been hell, and I was anxious to get it over with.
Moira had been sick as shit the entire trip, and I’d been uncomfortable as hell trying to comfort her while maintaining an appropriate distance. It was an odd situation we found ourselves in, and I couldn’t help but feel very, very sorry for this woman who was carrying my child. She didn’t deserve to be alone with a group of people she barely knew, especially when the only woman who could have helped had refused to say one word in her direction.
I was glad Vera was so loyal to my wife. I was. But I could have fucking killed her for refusing to even acknowledge Moira when she was so sick. I’d been helpless to do anything but talk quietly to the poor woman and occasionally rub her back until she fell into an exhausted sleep. Even that had made my skin crawl like I was doing something wrong.
It didn’t help matters that I’d barely slept. I couldn’t—not without nightmares plaguing me. Every scenario—from the things I’d done to things that I prayed would never happen—had flashed through my dreams. It had been easier to stay awake, but after a week with only a few hours of sleep I was feeling a bit fuzzy about the edges.
We’d left Moira and Vera back at our hotel while we met up with my women, and I hoped that their forced interaction would help them find some common ground. Unfortunately for all of us, Moira was going to be around for a long time and I knew as soon as Amy showed up things would become even more uncomfortable. I hoped that maybe things could settle down between the two women before Vera saw my wife again and her loyalty was brought to the forefront.
My wife. God, I missed her.
I couldn’t wait to get my hands on Amy again. It felt like I’d been waiting an eternity for her to arrive. I didn’t even care that she’d had time to stew and probably become even more angry with me. As long as she was with me, I was willing to wait a lifetime for her forgiveness.
When we walked into the pub, the first thing I noticed was the grim look on Doc’s face. My stomach clenched in apprehension when I realized he was alone.
“Where are dey?” I yelled frantically, searching the mostly empty bar.
“Patrick—” Doc said.
“Where is me wife?”
“Calm down, son,” Ham warned, gripping my shoulder. “Let the man talk.”
My teeth came together with a crack as I waited anxiously for Doc to begin speaking again, and it seemed like hours before he opened his mouth.
“They’re not here.”
“What de fuck are ye goin’ on about?” I yelled again, grimacing as Ham’s hand dug into my shoulder.
“Amy wouldn’t come,” Doc said flatly. “Your ma wasn’t about to let her go off on her own, so she went with her.”
“Ye left dem in Ireland alone?” I roared, and before I could take a single step forward, a huge pair of arms wrapped around me, holding me in place.
“No, you did. I put them on a flight to New York before I left.”
My body relaxed in relief before tensing once again. “I have to go,” I said frantically, trying to pull away from Ham’s arms. “I have to go.”
“They’re not there,” Doc informed me, causing me to freeze. “I’m not sure where they were headed from there, but your ma said New York was too expensive. She said to let you know that she’d write you at the club as soon as they got settled.”
My vision filled with red as Doc calmly told me that my wife and mother were traveling by themselves across a country they didn’t know. It didn’t even occur to me that America was where Amy felt most at home. The only thing I could imagine were the two most important people in my life stranded and afraid—alone somewhere with no one to help them or protect them. I was so unbelievably scared that it immediately turned to overwhelming anger at the man in front of me.
The sound that came out of my throat was inhuman, and I lunged, taking Ham with me as I went for Doc’s throat.
I was out cold before I even made contact.
***
“Ye didn’t have to knock me out,” I told Charlie, as I nursed a beer at the bar. “I wouldn’t have killed him.”
Charlie snorted beside me. “He would have killed you, you moron.”
“Fuck off! Yer a right prick, ye know dat?”
“I don’t understand half of what you say, you realize that, right?” he answered with a laugh. “I’m not kidding. The man knows human anatomy better than I know my wife’s pussy. He could kill you with a fuckin’ toothpick.”