Sighing, she contemplated the peeling paint on the stall door. Her mother’s face swam into her mind. Her tired smile. The day she had died she had been so exhausted after working two jobs and caring for Aspen, who had been sick at the time, that she’d simply forgotten that cars drove on the left-hand side of the road in England and she’d stepped out onto a busy road. It had been horrific. Devastating.
Aspen felt a pang of remorse and a deep longing. She had to keep Ocean Haven if only to preserve her mother’s memory.
Feeling weighted down by memories, she continued brushing Delta. She had eked out a life here. She felt whole here. Protected. And, dammit, if she could keep it she would. She hadn’t worked this hard to lose everything now.
Rash pride.
Rash pride had stopped her grandfather and her mother from reaching out to each other and maybe changing their lives for the better. Rash pride had made her grandfather refuse to listen to her own concerns about Chad after she had mentioned her doubts to him right before the wedding.
Rash pride wasn’t going to get in the way of her life decisions any more. If Cruz Rodriguez wanted her body he could damned well have it. She didn’t care. She hadn’t cared about that side of things for years. And, anyway, once he found out what a dud she was in bed he’d change his mind pretty quickly.
Familiar fingers of distaste crawled up her spine as she recalled her wedding night before she could prevent herself doing it. She swallowed. What surprised her most was that being in Cruz’s arms had been nothing like being in Chad’s. But then Chad had often been drunk during their brief marriage and the alcohol had changed him. After that first night Aspen had frozen so much on the rare occasions he had approached her that he’d sought solace elsewhere. And made sure she knew about it. Always being deeply apologetic the following day when the alcoholic haze had retreated.
She’d stayed with him for six months and tried to be a better wife, but then he’d unfairly accused her of sleeping with his patron. It had been the final straw and she’d fled to Ocean Haven and never looked back.
She shivered.
‘If you should happen to change your high and mighty little mind I’ll be staying at the Boston International until tomorrow morning.’
Had she changed her mind?
There was no doubt that Cruz hated her after what had happened eight years ago, but he must also want her to make such an extreme offer. Could she put her concerns aside and sleep with him? She already knew she responded differently with him, felt differently with him, but what if she froze at the last minute as she had with Chad? What if he laughed at her when he learned about her embarrassing problem?
Rash pride, Aspen...
She groaned. To find out was to experiment, and to experiment meant opening herself up to knowing once and for all that she had been the problem in the bedroom and not Chad—as she sometimes liked to pretend when she was feeling particularly low.
‘Coward,’ she said softly.
Delta whickered.
‘Oh, not you, beauty.’ Aspen fished inside her pocket for a sugar cube. ‘You’re brave and courageous and would probably not bat an eyelid if I told you that Ranger’s Apprentice had paid money to mount you if it meant saving The Farm.’
Aspen unwound Delta’s tail from the tight bundle it had been wrapped in for the polo and wondered what would become of her beloved horses if she had to leave. Wondered if they’d be well cared for.
She felt she should warn the unsuspecting mare. ‘If I keep The Farm I probably will be putting you in with him next season. I hope you don’t mind. He’s quite handsome.’
Not that looks had anything to do with the price of eggs.
She sighed as Donny stopped by Delta’s stall and said that his lot were all set for the night and he would help out with some of the others if Aspen needed it.
At the rate she was going Aspen would need an army to get the horses done before the week was out.
She smiled at him. He had worked on the farm for six years now and she’d be lost without him. ‘You’re a gem, but I’m good. You go home to Glenda and the kids.’
‘You’re sure?’ He shifted his gum around in his mouth. ‘You seem a little wound up.’
Oh, she was. Ten million dollars wound up.
‘Donny, what would you do if everything you loved was being threatened?’ she asked suddenly.
He stuck a finger through his belt buckle and considered his shoes. ‘You mean like Glenda and Sasha and Lela? Like my home?’
‘Yeah,’ Aspen said softly. ‘Like your home.’