His blurred mind tried to take in the change and he mentally pulled back.
‘We might need some lubricant,’ she blurted out against his neck.
Lubricant?
Cruz stilled, and was struck by how slight and vulnerable her body felt compared to his much larger frame curved over her. Instantly his libido cooled as he recalled those times she had flinched away from him when he’d reached for her. He frowned. Had she never experienced pleasure during sex?
He brought one hand up between them to cup her jaw and brought her eyes to his. ‘Aspen, what’s wrong?’
‘I’m just...’ She licked her lips, her mortified gaze flitting sideways. ‘I don’t have much natural lubrication. I should have told you earlier.’
Stunned, Cruz could only stare at her. He could tell she was serious but he had briefly felt her moist heat through her panties and knew she needed extra lubrication the way Ireland needed rain.
As if taking his prolonged silence as a rejection, she shoved his chest hard enough to dislodge him and desperately scooted off the table.
Only her stilettos must have come off when he’d lifted her because her feet tangled in the fabric of her dress and she pitched forward.
Cursing, Cruz grabbed hold of her before she fell. ‘Aspen, wait.’
‘No. Let me go.’
Ignoring her attempts to break free, he gently tugged her back into his embrace. She immediately buried her head against his neck and he brought one hand up to stroke her hair. His heart thundered in his chest as his dazed mind tried to process what was happening.
He waited until he felt her breathing start to even out and then he leaned back so he could look at her face.
‘Who told you that you didn’t have any natural lubrication?’
She groaned and burrowed even more fully against him.
Cruz cupped her nape soothingly. ‘I know you’re embarrassed. Was it Anderson?’
‘It happens to some women.’
Cruz had no doubt she was correct, but he had already felt how damp she was through her lace panties and, whatever problems she had, he very much doubted this was one of them.
‘I’m sure it does chiquita, but it hasn’t happened to you.’
She pulled back. ‘You’re wrong. Chad and I... Can we not talk about this?’
He was going to kill the moron.
Cruz nudged her chin up until her baleful glare met his. He nearly smiled at her thorny gaze but this was too serious. ‘Did he hurt you?’
She wet her lips, dropped her eyes.
‘Aspen?’
‘Oh, all right.’ She sighed. ‘On our wedding night Chad was... I was anxious. Chad had been drinking heavily and I knew I had made a mistake. Actually, I knew I’d made a mistake even before the wedding, but it became bigger than I was and I didn’t know how to stop it. And Chad could be charming.’ She gave an empty laugh. ‘You might not know that, being a man, but my friends thought he was wonderful. But the alcohol changed him and that night...’ She swallowed. ‘That night...’
‘He raped you,’ he said flatly.
‘No. It was my fault. I was nervous.’
Cruz barely held himself in check. ‘Do not blame yourself.’ He guided her eyes back up to look at him. ‘He would have known that you were nervous.’ He cursed under his breath. ‘Hell, Aspen. You were all of eighteen.’
She gave him a wobbly smile and Cruz enfolded her in his arms. He held her until he felt her trembling subside.
‘He didn’t mean to, Cruz. It just wasn’t easy.’
Uh-huh. When he did kill him he’d do it slowly.
‘It’s fine. I knew this would happen anyway. You can let me go.’
Let her go?
She tried to pull away, and when he looked at her she had that same resigned look on her face that she’d had the previous night.
‘When I first arrived at Ocean Haven to work for your grandfather,’ he began tentatively, ‘I missed my family so much I cried myself to sleep every night for a month and I felt pathetic. You were right yesterday when you said it was a lot for a kid to take on. At the time, though, I thought I just needed to man up.’
‘Oh, Cruz.’
Her hand curled around his forearm, and even though he knew he was sharing the memory with her to take her mind off her own past part of him still soaked up the comfort of her touch.
‘I thought my mother was turning her back on me. That I was an embarrassment to the family.’
‘No.’ Aspen shook her head fiercely. ‘I only met her yesterday but I know that can’t be true.’