Living the Charade

‘Why does there have to be a reason? Haven’t you had fun the last few days?’

Miller smoothed her brows. ‘You know I have. But it’s not enough to sustain a relationship.’

‘Why put a label on what’s between us?’

Miller paused, taking in the offhandedness of his question, his effortless arrogance.

Oh, God, he wasn’t talking about having a relationship with her. Not a real one, anyway. She was the only one here with long-term on the brain.

‘I...can’t.’

She knew if she took him up on his offer it would mean a lot more to her than it did to him, and she knew herself well enough to know that it would be hell on her self-esteem. It would also be repeating the same mistakes she had made in the past—because following him around the world would be following his dreams at the expense of her own.

Reluctantly, she shook her head.

‘Why not?’ He sounded frustrated. ‘You hate your job.’

‘I don’t hate my job.’

He made a patronising noise and swung his arm in an arc. ‘It’s not what you want to do.’

‘How would you know? You never ask me what it is I want—you just tell me.’ She knew that was slightly unfair but she wasn’t about to correct herself right now. This was about protecting herself from his clear intent to change her mind for his own selfish purposes.

‘If you don’t want to come just say so, Miller, but don’t use your job as an excuse.’

‘What has got into you?’ she fumed. ‘You’ve been like a bear with a sore head all day, you’ve ignored me all night, and now you’re trying to steamroller me again to get what you want.’

‘Because I always get what I want.’

Miller rolled her eyes. ‘That’s arrogant, even for you.’

He shoved a hand in his pocket, pulling the divinely cut tuxedo jacket wide in a casually elegant move redolent of a 1950s film. ‘You didn’t seem to mind it this week.’

Didn’t seem to... Miller couldn’t fathom his indifference. She had feelings and he was treating her as if she was here just to please him.

‘I don’t know how serious your offer to travel with you was, but I’m assuming you want a relationship. I have to tell you that I would never enter into something with a man who is so stubborn and selfish and angry.’

‘And finally she lists my faults.’

‘Oh, that is so typical of you—to make fun of something so serious.’

‘And it’s so typical of you to make serious that which could be fun.’

Miller drew in a fortifying breath. ‘I think we’ve said enough. We’re too different, Valentino. You want everything to be light and easy, but sometimes feelings aren’t like that.’

‘I know that. It’s why I refuse to have them.’

‘You can’t just refuse to have them. They’re not controllable.’ But Miller had the uncomfortable realisation that she had once believed exactly that.

Valentino rocked back on his heels. ‘Every emotion is controllable.’

‘Well, you’re lucky if that’s true, because I’ve just discovered that mine aren’t, and I can’t be with someone who only connects with me during sex because he’s too afraid to share how he feels.’

‘It’s the damned uncertainty of it you don’t like.’

Miller threw up her hands. ‘And now you’re going to tell me how I feel in an effort to hide your own feelings.’

‘Fine—you want to know how I feel? I feel that my father made a bad choice when he married my mother. He wasn’t a man equipped for having a family and he was never around for us. Hell, I was his favourite because of our shared love of adrenalin highs, but even then we hardly had any time together. And when his car hit that wall—’ He stopped suddenly, his voice thick. ‘I won’t do that to another person.’

The words it hurts too much hovered between them and Miller’s stomach pitched.

‘Valentino, I’m so sorry.’ She wanted to touch him, but his stiff countenance stole her confidence.

‘You’re not coming with me, are you?’

Miller swallowed heavily. If he had shown any inclination that his feelings might be even close to being as strong as hers she’d stay. She’d...

No. She couldn’t stay for anything less than love. She refused to fall victim to the laws of relationships. She refused to be in an unequal partnership and watch it wither and die. Because it would take her along with it.