Several more moments went by in silence. Finally, Jess spoke again on a soft sigh. “I’ve been trying so hard not to ask.”
He could guess what she meant. She was thinking of Teddy and the references the man had made. He rested his chin on her shoulder. “The answer isn’t terribly complicated. I was in the middle of a relationship when my father became ill. Not a terribly serious one, but a relationship nonetheless.”
“What happened?”
“I ended up as sole guardian of a six-year-old girl. The woman I was with wasn’t terribly comfortable with the new status quo. She wasn’t exactly secretive about it.”
She shifted ever so slightly to look at him over her shoulder. Their faces were a hairsbreadth apart. “What did she want you to do?”
“Long story short, she gave me an ultimatum.”
“I see.”
“You must also see the choice I made. Not that there was any real choice. I wasn’t going to leave Sonya in the care of strangers or a twenty-four-hour nanny service. Although...” He let the sentence trail off. What was the point in getting into the rest? No good could come of it other than him venting.
“Although what?” she prompted.
“Nothing. It’s not important.”
“Jordan, please tell me what happened. Everything. I need to know all about Sonya if I’m going to be working with her one on one.”
She had a point there.
And it was so easy to talk to her, to know that she was listening and honestly cared. He’d had no one to confide in or vent to when Sonya had first arrived in his home. He’d felt utterly alone—his father and mother both gone, his bachelor friends with no idea how to relate, and the woman he’d been with less than interested. Now here was Jess asking him to unburden some of himself.
“I’m not sure I’d know where to start,” he admitted.
“There’s an old saying—the best place to start is at the beginning,” she replied. “You mentioned you wanted Sonya to grow up in a smaller, less hectic setting. Because of her accident.”
A brick suddenly lodged itself in Jordan’s throat. He had to push past it in order to continue. He wanted to tell Jess all of it, needed to confide in her like no one else before.
“We were walking down Madison Avenue,” he began. “I wasn’t even holding her hand.” He squeezed his eyes shut as the memory of that afternoon came surging back. He’d been so distracted. So focused on his own concerns. So damn self-centered.
“You have to understand. I knew next to nothing about taking care of a child. And yes, a big part of me was more than a little resentful at being handed such a daunting responsibility.”
“Didn’t you have a nanny service?”
“It was all so new. We hadn’t found Elise yet. I was in the process of interviewing and determining shifts.”
“What happened?”
“We’d just purchased a helium balloon for Sonya from some street vendor when my phone rang. I wouldn’t even be able to tell you now who I was speaking with. It was obviously not terribly important.”
“Oh, Jordan.”
“I didn’t even realize she’d started running toward the street. The balloon had slipped out of her hand and she’d gone chasing after it.” A deep shudder ran through his center as he spoke. “We were told things could have been so much worse. That if the cabbie hadn’t reacted as quickly as he did... The doctors actually said Sonya was lucky. She was a little banged up. But her X-rays showed nothing seriously damaged or broken.”
She didn’t interrupt. Just let him continue. “But then she started having issues hearing different sounds. Each time she watched TV, she’d insist the volume be turned up louder and louder. It was gradual at first. Then got more pronounced. After a while it started affecting her speech, as well.”
He finally looked up, expecting to see derision and scorn written all over her face. But even in the darkness, all he saw was sadness and empathy. A slight sheen of moisture glistened in her eyes.
She asked the most obvious question. “Did the accident cause her hearing loss?”
Jordan thought hard about how to answer that question. He knew what the doctors had told him. But he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. “I honestly don’t know, Jess. All I do know is that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. For letting that child down so badly when she needed me the most.”