I was dizzy.
Drowning.
Things swirled and collided, bouncing me around in the grey.
“While I’m confessing, I might as well tell you everything.”
Another slice of sleety blueberry on my bottom lip.
“You told Cal to burn the Euphoria villa, but I stopped him. The animals that survived on Serigala have been relocated here. They’re currently housed in Euphoria’s villa and being tended to by the two vets you’d sent for—one large animal and one small—along with Etti and Johan, who survived the bombing. The shipment of cows and donkeys that you agreed to take on is due to dock next week. I’ve contacted your usual feed suppliers and took the liberty of asking Peter Beck to replace the medical equipment and drugs that were lost in the bombing of Serigala. A clinic is due to be built when locals can source building materials.”
I couldn’t breathe anymore.
I couldn’t cling to one thing because she’d given me everything.
The greyness kept swirling, pinpricks of light spearing through the shadows.
Something warm spread along my side as if she’d lay down beside me. Another lash of blueberry before her sweet, liberating voice murmured, “Oh, one last thing.”
She yawned as if her confessions had drained her into slumber.
“I gave the order to kill Drake. He lasted three days in his illusion before a bullet was lodged into his brain. He’s gone. I watched it with my own eyes because I wanted to be able to tell you, with all the conviction in my heart, that he can no longer touch you, touch me, touch your animals, touch anyone or anything you care about. Everything you’ve been fighting, everything you wish you could undo is undone. His body is in pieces and buried…just like I buried you…Sullivan Sinclair. The man you used to be is dead.”
I faded.
The greyness blended with darkness, threading with splashes of reds and blues.
“If you do wake up, Sully…you won’t wake up as you.” Her soft lips pressed against my cheek, her voice slipping into sleep. “You’ll wake up as no one. You don’t have to be who you were. If you choose to come back to me…you can choose to be whoever you want to be because…you’re free.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
EXHAUSTION FROM BLIND HOPE and bedside devotion finally knocked me out.
Three days since I’d been on Lebah.
Three days since I’d left Sully’s side.
With his goddesses gone, emails dealt with, animals tended, police mollified, Cal and Jess healing, and Pika and Skittles healthy, I had nothing else to occupy my torment.
I found no enjoyment on the island. I had no desire to go swimming in the warm tide or dive into refreshing Nirvana. Walks beneath palm trees and sitting in crystal sand held no appeal. I wanted nothing to do with paradise—even if that paradise had been bequeathed to me.
It was a forgery—just like Sully had said when I’d first arrived. Every perfect thing was fake because nothing had the power to bring him back.
I didn’t even have the willpower to cry anymore. With each hour that Sully continued to lie beside me, vacant and still, I withdrew into myself. I lost my spark, my faith. I sank into aching acceptance that perhaps love was a lie and our blistering electrical connection was the biggest con of all.
He’s made his choice.
And…I have to honour that.
I have to let him go…
Louise had pulled me aside this morning and told me my shock had most likely slipped into depression.
She’d offered me a few pills to take the edge off.
She’d told me to stop tracing Sully’s lips with berry smoothies because it could cause asphyxiation, pneumonia, and so many other complications.
She’d said I needed a break and suggested I sleep at my villa on the beach for a night.
I’d snapped.
I’d crawled out of my sloth-like sadness and thrown her and her two colleagues out. I’d told her to sleep in my villa instead. That I needed some time alone with Sully, even if our conversation and affection was completely one-sided.
I needed privacy to say a proper goodbye and tell him everything that’d happened without an audience. I wanted him to myself after having to share him with needles and monitors and oxygen tubes.
As exhaustion pulled me deeper, tears broke free.
I didn’t know if I cried in my sleep or if I was still awake, but fragmented images played across my mind.
“Drink.” Sully forced elixir down my throat and stripped away my clothing. “Let me see what I’ve bought.”
I trembled and stood before him naked. His cruel collected visage crumpled as he drank me in. “Fuck…I’ve finally found you.”
He dropped to his knees and brought my clit to his mouth. “I’ve been waiting for you my entire life.”
The dream swirled and dumped me into another splintered fable.
“Are you ready, Jinx?” He grinned, naked and proud, his gorgeous ruthlessness taking my breath away.
“Ready for what?”