Trapping her wrists, I struggled with the harness, looping it over her shoulders and draping it down her belly. “Because you either survive or you die. It can’t get any more black and white than that.”
Hot puffs of anger hit my throat as she breathed hard, glowering at me as I leaned closer and tried to do up the buckle one-handed.
Her rage was a physical thing, squeezing out every remaining pain in my chest. She ripped her wrists from my hold, her hands landing on my chest as if to push me away.
But then…she stopped.
Our eyes locked.
She annihilated me as she licked her lips and stood up to me, just as she had so often in our short connection. “Temporary.”
I froze, raising an eyebrow. “What?”
She shook her head, as if trying to form thoughts after such a blurted comment. “I’ll go…if you agree that it’s temporary.”
My chest tingled where her fingertips pressed into me. “I can’t agree to that. My brother isn’t the only problem.”
Her eyes flashed silver. “You’re doubting yourself because of what happened today, but I need you to listen to me. You. Will. Not. Hurt. Me.”
I let out a black laugh. “You don’t know enough about me to be sure.”
“I know enough to fight for permanent when my whole life has been temporary until I met you. You are permanent, Sully—regardless of your pig-headedness and uncouth ways—and I’m not going to run away with my tail between my legs just because you say so. But…if you agree that this separation is temporary, I promise I’ll go without a fuss. I’ll sit here and fly away even though every instinct is telling me to stay…if you promise me that I can come back.”
Cal jogged down the jetty, carrying a coil of rope in his hand.
Temporary.
Could that work?
Could I possibly have the freedom to be the monster I needed to be, the murderer without a shred of compassion, and somehow keep her once he was dead?
Cal skidded to a stop, holding out the rope.
Eleanor’s hand landed on my cheek, guiding my eyes back to hers.
She smiled softly. “Do you trust me?”
No.
Yes.
“Fucking hell, you’re killing me.” I ran a hand over my face, catching her palm pressed against my cheek. I couldn’t look away from her perfect smoky eyes. “I thought I knew who you were. I thought I had an answer to my question…but…who the fuck are you, Eleanor Grace?”
Her hand twitched beneath mine. “I’m your future…regardless how much you’re trying to deny it.”
My eyes closed. My heart raced.
I wanted what she offered so fucking much.
But…men like me didn’t get the girl.
Men like me didn’t change and suddenly become redeemable. The moment she returned to a place where she’d have access to internet and information…everything she felt about me would go up in dirty smoke.
All it would take was one search on my name.
One article of who I truly was and her commitment to me would be over.
With that knowledge came a strange kind of peace, a solidifying dread.
I flinched against the slam of inevitability.
Fuck, I’m an idiot.
What did I think? That I’d keep her away from her family, friends, and facts for the remainder of her life? That I’d continue trading in goddesses and elixir, and she would stand by my side and plug guests into Euphoria?
That she’d still love me when she knew what I was?
It’d been a pipe dream.
A goddamn stupid fantasy.
And Drake had just woken me before it was too late.
I didn’t get to keep her.
There was no happily ever after for me.
I clutched her fingers, making her wince.
“What happened? What did you just decide?” Her gaze searched mine, prying and diving, yanking out my secrets and sins one by one.
The only problem was they’d all been buried by the truth. I didn’t even have to put a mask on to lie anymore.
“Okay, Eleanor…temporary.”
I expected her to smile, to hug me, to kiss me with gratefulness. Instead, she peered at me suspiciously. “You’re saying I can come back?”
“I am.”
“When?”
“In a few days. A week? Give me a week…and then, come back.” I shrugged. “This is my home. You’ll know where I am. I’ll be here…if you want me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I smiled away my sadness. “It means I’ll still be here, trading in women, selling their pleasure, being the man who bought you from traffickers.”
Her forehead furrowed. “Reminding me of your downfalls won’t prevent me from returning, Sully. I know what you are.”
I nodded, reaching forward to do up her harness. “I’m aware.”
She shivered as my knuckles brushed the bottom of her breasts, clipping the buckle together. The pilots added more power to the rotors, making the cabin shudder in eagerness to leave gravity behind.
Giving myself one final good memory—a memory I would hold onto for the rest of my life—I linked my fingers behind her nape and tugged her forward until our foreheads touched. “Only you could turn an ending into a temporary pause. Only you could strike a deal with the devil about returning to his side instead of running away from him as fast as possible. Because of you, I know what it feels like to be happy. And thanks to you, I’m now condemned to a half-life without you.”