He swore and shifted his body away.
She touched his hips and brought him back “It’s okay. Kind of flattering, actually. A natural reaction to our closeness, not the words.”
Ben dragged a hand through his hair. She could see the battle waging inside of him. He protected people, and this news had his head turning on the pillow.
His hand dropped. “I want to go pound this guy into the ground.”
Anger filled his voice but this time it didn’t scare her. This was about keeping her safe. She kissed him to let him know she understood, but when she lifted her upper body again, she saw pain and regret still haunted his eyes. “The man is in prison. His fellow officers backed him up, and so did his boss, until the day he broke into my house for the fourth time.”
Ben rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “What happened?”
“He tied me up.” Her voice trembled and a nasty shiver shook her body until her teeth rattled. “He got a knife. Cut my arm when I fought him off. I can still see the blood and him pounding on me. The chair tipped over and he was right at me, kicking and yelling.”
The images flipped through her mind. Just thinking about it had the power to transport her back there. Curled in the fetal position and crying so hard it hiccuped out of her.
Her emotions whipped around but Ben’s gentle touch didn’t change. His face flushed and his scowl deepened but his anger soothed her. Something in his fury eased the memories. If he had been there, he would have believed her.
She rushed to tell the rest. It was like poison sitting inside her, bubbling up and pouring over everything. She refused to let it ruin this night.
“A neighbor called and this time the ambulance got there first. The police couldn’t hide it and the photos a fellow nurse took at the hospital helped buy my freedom. Even his partner stopped lying for him.” She shook off the fears that knifed through her insides whenever Ethan’s face swam before her. “He finally made a plea deal and I left.”
Ben’s hand inched into her hair as he caressed her scalp. “I’m so proud of you.”
“What?” She didn’t have the time or will to hide the tremor in her voice.
“You were amazing.”
A tear escaped and ran down her cheek to puddle on his chest. “I was terrified.”
“You survived. You figured out a way through it and took your life back.” His hold tightened as his voice grew raspier. “My fighter.”
All the pain and hurt broke loose inside her. The tears rolled but she didn’t break down in paralyzing sobs like she used to. This was a freeing cry. A letting go.
The whole time Ben held her, he whispered words into her hair. She didn’t even know what he said because it didn’t matter. This was about the soothing tone and gentle touching.
Most of the tale ended there except for the behaviors. She’d developed them after Ethan’s last attack. Her need for control and order. She’d been to the classes and talked with a therapist. She knew the subtle shift in what she could tolerate, the compulsive needs she had, had grown out of the attacks.
And being away from her house and her life ate away at her, but holding Ben washed some of the anxiety away. “I need everything just so.”
“The toiletries,” he said without judgment or surprise.
She lifted her head. “What?”
“I saw your bathroom. Your drawers back at the apartment when we were checking to see what was taken.”
That meant Joel saw and probably Connor. The whole police force probably knew, including that blowhard, Willoughby.
Heat hit her cheeks. “Oh.”
“One more way you overcame something horrible.” Ben brushed the hair off her face as he kissed her forehead. “Don’t be ashamed of it.”
“It’s under control. I use these behavioral techniques.” She was babbling now, sounding like a complete moron, talking about things she never discussed with anyone.
“Do whatever you need to do. Whatever works, and don’t apologize for it.”
For a man who’d had his name dragged through a scandal and even now fought for his reputation, his ready acceptance meant everything to her. “Sex with you seems to have worked to take my mind off every bad thing that’s happened the last few days.”
His mouth broke into a smile. “Has it, now?”
“Definitely.”
His hand skimmed down her back and traveled lower. “Then I say we keep doing it.”
Chapter Nine
Gary ran the computer simulation one more time. He needed to know the exact amount of time they had to make the transfer. The government put the money in the undercover agents’ accounts on a set day and time each month. During that short window, the pay would go in and the security protocols would relax. It was shorter than a second, but long enough for him to grab the information he needed.