“She and Joel went to bug your doctors.” Connor’s head appeared above Ben. “Apparently she’s not happy with how long it’s taking you to wake up.”
“You staying there or do I have to punch you to keep you down?” When Ben gave a small nod, Davis sat in the chair next to the bed. “You look terrible, by the way.”
“I can always count on you for reassuring words.” Ben tried to laugh but something in his neck pulled and yanked, sending a headache spinning through his brain. He lifted his hand and felt a thick bandage. He remembered the burning sensation. “Did I get shot in the neck?”
Davis nodded. “Yep. Kind of lame. You’re supposed to duck.”
“This from the job when you were too busy hiding in your house to help.” Seeing Davis’s mouth flatten, Ben felt a pang of guilt the second he made the joke.
“Not by choice.”
“I wanted Lara safe,” Connor said.
Davis shook his head. “For the record, I’m not riding a desk for the next seven months.”
“Understood.”
Ben wanted to run a hand over his face. That battled with his need to shut his eyes. He’d get to that as soon as he laid eyes on Jocelyn. He just had to see for himself she was fine. The idea of her hunting down doctors eased some of the anxiety knocking around inside him, but a guy had to check these things out for himself.
“Women,” he said under his breath, knowing this group would understand the sentiment.
“You got problems with one?” Connor asked with amusement in his voice.
The memories tore into him. He went from blank to having a full-motion picture of the gunfire in his head. She stood in the middle of the shooting, protecting Sharon. Threw her body over Sharon and ignored her own safety.
Jocelyn had begged him not to die, then cursed him and his job. Every horrible second spooled out in front of him and he felt helpless to calm it all down.
“This was too close.” He whispered it more in his head, not realizing he’d said it out loud until Connor agreed.
“But she did great. Kept you alive long enough to get you help. We owe her.”
No, they didn’t understand. They were praising her. Even now, Connor told Davis stories about all she’d done and how she stood up to him.
Ben listened but the same warning kept flashing in his mind. He broke into the cheering session. “She shouldn’t have had to do any of it.”
Connor frowned. “Gary was after her. You were the bodyguard.”
“And next time I’ll bring the danger to her door. And the time after that.” The fear. That was what he remembered the most. Her dropped mouth and pale lips. The panic that had her eyes darting as yet another man leveled a gun at her head. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
The hollowed-out feeling in his stomach wouldn’t go away. Jocelyn in danger qualified as the one thing he could not handle. Gunfire, chases, his blowhard father, the wrath that went along with dismantling the NCIS...those were rough circumstances, but livable. Seeing someone put Jocelyn in a box... He closed his eyes as his mind rebelled and his stomach churned at the idea.
“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Connor said in a low voice.
“Where’s your wife? Jana, why isn’t she here?” Ben winced but he had to ask.
Connor’s face went blank, as if all the life leached out of it. “Visiting her—”
“We all know that’s not true. Something happened. Likely something about the intense work we do drove you guys apart.”
Connor wrapped his hands around the bed railings tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. “Maybe you should stop talking like you know about my personal life.”
“That’s enough,” Davis said.
“Tell me I’m wrong, Connor.” When Davis tried to talk again, Ben turned on him, too. “And you’re twisted up trying to protect your pregnant wife. You both know what I’m talking about.”
Davis put a palm flat against the top of Ben’s pillow, and the mattress dipped. “But she is my wife. We worked through the danger stuff and we’re together.”
“It’s so much.” Waves of exhaustion pummeled Ben. “The stuff with the NCIS isn’t dying down. My father won’t even speak to me. How do I bring a woman into that? How do I ask a woman who has known violence and survived it to wade back into it with me?”
“She is not weak.” Connor punctuated each word.
She was anything but. Ben had known that from the beginning. Her strength was part of the reason he was falling so hard, so fast. “I know that.”
Davis answered, “Then give her a chance to see if she can handle your life. Don’t push her away.”