I shrug, my fingers slicing through the cool water. “I don’t think I am. But compared to your opinion of humanity, I think I do okay.”
“If you’re not decent, then who is?” Dominic demands, swimming toward me. “Because I’d like to meet that person.”
“My best friend Maddy,” I answer immediately. “She’s pretty amazing. But she moved to Connecticut, so you probably won’t ever meet her. That’s good though. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, and my brother would kick your ass if he caught you drooling over her, so it’s for the best.”
“Do you really think I would drool over her if you were in the room?” Dominic asks softly, treading water very close to me. The moonlight makes him look pensive, thoughtful. And I stare at him.
“Probably,” I answer finally. “Everyone does.”
“Not me,” Dominic replies firmly. “I wouldn’t have any need to.”
“Why are you being so nice to me today?” I demand quickly. “First a picnic in the Grand Canyon, then you ordered a private midnight snack on your veranda, and now you’re giving me compliments. You’re freaking me out, Dom. Knock it off.”
“I haven’t even begun to get nice yet,” he tells me, his voice growing as dark as his eyes. He pushes me through the water until we reach the side of the pool, where he rests his hands on either side of my hips. “Want me to start right now?”
He doesn’t give me a chance to reply. Instead, he kisses me, suddenly and thoroughly. His mouth covers mine, his lips cold and wet. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on, melting into him, absorbing his heat, enjoying the way his wet body feels against mine.
“Why did you do it?” he whispers into my ear. “Why did you risk yourself like that for me?”
He nips at my ear and trails his lips down the length of my neck until he reaches my collarbone. “Tell me,” he demands. “I need to know. I don’t see what you gained from it.”
I force myself to pull away from him, just for a minute. “I didn’t gain anything from it,” I answer sharply. “Just the knowledge and satisfaction of knowing that you didn’t get eaten. That was enough.”
He pulls away too, just for a minute, and stares into my eyes. In the night, his eyes look almost black. Without saying another word, he kisses me again, and again, and again. Hard, soft, brutal, exquisite.
“Take off your clothes,” I urge him. “I want to feel your skin.”
To my surprise, he does. He peels off the wet clothes and flings them onto the stone deck, turning again to pull me to him. His chest is hard, his stomach flat, and his dick hard. Very hard. It wedges between my legs and I shiver a bit, at the mere thought that it’s all for me.
He’s hard for me.
He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, kissing him yet again. I decide that I could kiss him forever… he’s perfect at it. His tongue slides along my lip and he bites at it, just a little.
“Do you want more?” he whispers. “Yes or no?”
“We’re back to that?” I answer softly. “You can’t tell what I want?”
He looks at me. “I just like hearing the word yes.”
“I’d think you’d get tired of hearing it all the time,” I reply as he holds me up in the water.
“Not from you,” he answers. He kisses me again, his lips consuming me. And then he stops, looking at me seriously.
“I’m a very good actor,” he tells me matter-of-factly. “I’m good at pretending that I’m someone else. And tonight, I’m going to be someone else. Does that bother you?”
I’m surprised by his sudden turn and by the oh-so-serious expression on his face, but no, I’m not bothered. I tell him that and he smiles.
“But who do you want to be?” I add curiously. He shrugs.
“Anyone but me.”
He pushes me against the side of the pool, thrusting his hips against me, rubbing me. His weight is perfect, hard, rigid, amazing. I suck in a breath when he bends his head and nips at my breast, sucking my nipple into his mouth. I throw my head back as he sucks harder.
“But why?” I manage to persist, even though he’s trying his best to distract me. “You’re pretty amazing. Why would you want to be someone else? Are you sure that you just don’t want me to be someone else?”
Dominic stops what he’s doing and pulls away, looking at me with a hard expression. His green eyes have a dull light in them now, something that happens when he’s annoyed. I stare back, trying to be unabashed.
“What do you mean?” he asks slowly. “Why would I want you to be someone else?”
I shrug, trying to ignore my pounding heart. Why did I choose this moment to bring this up? Why? But I’m not one to back down, so I don’t.
“I don’t know. I just thought maybe you were pretending that I’m Emma.”
As soon as the name falls from my lips, I know it’s a mistake.
Dominic’s face immediately closes, his eyes turning into hardened marble. He releases me quickly as though touching me is burning his hands. And then he turns his back on me and walks out of the pool.
“What’s wrong with you?” I call after him as I follow. “It was just a question. I was just wondering. About her.”
Dominic turns, and for a minute his face is filled with pain, but then he conceals it, replacing it with a hardened mask. “You don’t have any right to be curious about her,” he answers starkly. “Please don’t bring her up again.”
“But—”
Dominic holds up his hand. “No buts. She isn’t significant to you. Just leave it alone. Good night.”
He actually turns around and stalks back into the house, leaving me to stand naked on his terrace alone.
What the hell was that about? He can’t even hear her name? I think I have every right to ask if he’s imagining that I’m her. But then again, he has no idea that I saw the letters… and her picture. He doesn’t know how much I know of her.
And how much it tells about him.
But as I think of it, I realize too that I don’t really know all that much at all. What I do know is that if we’re going to continue whatever it is that we are doing, I need to know.
I need to know about Emma. I need to know how she broke Dominic.
Chapter Twenty-One
Dominic
I lay in the dark, naked and alone, and try to pull myself together.
Quit being such a pussy.
But Emma’s name, coming from Jacey’s lips, was such an unexpected shock to the system that it took the wind out of me. Jacey has no idea how much I don’t pretend that she’s Emma. She has no idea how much that name guts me.
And she won’t ever know, because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to talk about it. Jesus.
I can’t believe I’d been so close… so close to simply pretending that I was someone else tonight… and fucking Jacey in my pool.
I almost let my guard down that fucking much.
It won’t happen again. I flip over onto my back and shove a pillow onto my head so I can sleep.
The flight home is awkward and quiet. Jacey stares quietly out the window, barely saying anything. I want to say something, but I’m not sure what. I’m not sure what there is to say. She wants more of me than I can give. She wants to know me.
Well, she thinks she does. If she did get to know me, she’d take back that wish. I can guarantee that.
I drop her off at her house, and she barely looks at me as she kisses my cheek and gets out of the car.
She doesn’t talk to me for two days.
It’s a long fucking two days.
She ignores me at work, and by the first night, I itch to call her. I go so far as to pull out my phone and start to dial her number before I stare at it and sigh.
Call her and say what?
There’s nothing to say. We’re at an impasse. She needs more than I can give.
The strange thing is that I wish it were different. For the first time ever, I wish that I could be that guy. The guy who can do a relationship. The guy who can do the give-and-take thing. But I know me. And I know that I’m the guy who just takes and takes.
I don’t have the ability to give.
I put my phone away.
On the second day, as I round the corner into the locker room, I hear Jacey’s voice and I freeze, not wanting her to see me.
“I know, Mad.” She sighs, and I know that she’s on the phone with her best friend. “I know. But he’s not like Jared. I swear to god. He’s not like that.”
There’s a pause while she listens, and I’d give my left nut to be able to hear what Maddy is saying.
“He won’t talk about it,” she continues. “Trust me, I tried. But—”
Maddy must’ve interrupted, because Jacey abruptly stops and listens.
“Yeah, I know that. I know I can’t control how other people act. I can only control myself. I know.”
She sighs.
“I’m falling for him, Mad. I tried not to. But I can’t help it. There’s something more to him. Something deep and hurt. Deep down, he’s a good guy. He’s just injured on the inside.”
Pause.
And then she protests. “No, it’s not like that. Mad, it’s like when you met Gabe. You knew he might not be good for you, but your gut told you that there was something really good inside him. And there was, Mad. I think Dom might be the same way.”
Another pause, during which my tongue feels like a piece of lead.
She’s falling for me?
My heart runs away in my chest and I’m utterly frozen to the ground.
I can’t be the person she wants me to be. I’m not good deep down, not like she thinks. No matter how much I like her or how much I like being around her, I don’t see the sense in continuing this when I know what the end result will be.
I owe her that much. If she can’t protect herself from me, I’ll do it for her.
I walk around the corner, and Jacey looks up from where she’s sitting on a locker room bench. Her eyes widen at the sight of me.
“I’ve gotta go, Mad. I’ll call you later. Love you too.”
She stands up and slips her phone in her pocket. As she turns toward me, her eyes so fucking soft and gentle, I have every intention of firmly ending things.
Very firmly. So firmly that she won’t even try to change my mind.
But then she speaks, and what she says takes me by surprise.
“I’m sorry, Dominic,” she says simply, staring into my eyes. “About the other night, I mean. I shouldn’t have brought up an old girlfriend like that. Whatever happened with you and her… it’s not my business. We’re just having fun… and that was out of line. I’m sorry.”
I’m shocked that she would apologize. I’m shocked she would say that we’re just having fun when I’d just heard her tell Maddy that she was falling for me.
It’s so drastically different from the conversation that I thought I’d be having right now that all I can do is nod.
I nod, because if she wants to pretend that we’re so fucking casual, if she wants to go on with the status quo and not acknowledge the feelings that might change everything, then I’m not going to stop her. Not yet.