“No, it doesn’t, but I have a hard time believing that any man who fathered you could have been totally without a sense of responsibility.”
“I get my sense in that direction from my grandfather and mother.”
“You can’t know you got nothing from your father…since you didn’t know him.” She didn’t know why she argued, only that is seemed important to make him realize life was not as black and white as his grandfather had obviously taught him it was.
“What is this about? Are you worried bad blood will tell?”
She sighed. “I hate that saying. It’s just so wrong. Even if he was an all out jerk without a bit of good in him, that has no bearing on who you are today.”
“Not everyone sees things that way.”
“I know, but I’m the one who is right.”
“And perhaps I am not the only arrogant one at this dinner table.”
“Knowing when I am right is not arrogance,” she teased.
“I will have to remember that defense.”
“You do that, but somehow I don’t think it’s a new concept for you.”
He just smiled.
“For the record, I for one am glad your dad didn’t keep his pants zipped and I bet your mom doesn’t regret it, either.”
The smile disappeared and his expression looked hewn from granite. “Why would you say such a thing?”
“Because, if he had,you wouldn’t be here.”
“And you think that is a good thing?”
“Yes, and I’m sure your mom agrees.”
“But you hesitate to marry me.”
The man was tenacious. “My reasons have nothing to do with you not being a pretty amazing person I’m glad is alive.”
He raised his brows at that. “Then what are your reasons?”
“More to the point, what are yours?”
CHAPTER THREE
“IHAVE EXPLAINED …I find you beautiful inside and out. I am ready to marry and have a family. I want to do that with you.” Sandor knew instinctively that if he mentioned the business deal with her father, it would make Eleanor balk.
It was not the overriding reason for him choosing her to be his wife, but it had played a role. That did not bother him, but he suspected she would react very differently to that knowledge. As she had said, she did not make her decisions based on the same considerations that swayed men like him and her father.
She wanted an emotional reason for marrying him. She wanted to be loved. He had gleaned that much, but that was not something he could give her. It was not something he wanted to give her. Love was an overrated emotion he preferred to steer clear of. He had loved his grandfather and he loved his mother, and that love had come with a price. He had paid in vulnerability when nothing else and no one else got to him.
His mother’s unhappiness hurt when he let nothing else touch him. His grandfather’s disapproval left wounds he swore no one else would ever get the chance to emulate. He would have to convince Eleanor there was enough going for them without the love he wanted no part of.
“My mother said she fell in love with my father at first sight.” He didn’t know why he’d mentioned that, but it supported the argument he was about to make, so he did not regret it. “The emotion you think such a panacea for pain is in fact one of the biggest instigators of it that I know. Her love led her into his bed. My grandfather’s love kept her with him even though he could never overlook her indiscretion completely. His love for me drove him to push me harder, to demand more of me than he would have his own son. He would not allow me to become like the man who had sired me. Irresponsible and without honor. But his lessons were often painful and I knew they were born of love.”
“Love does not always lead to pain.”
“Yes, it does, and I do not want the pain that is inevitably born of love in my marriage.”
She gasped and he grimaced. He had said more than he intended, but if it helped to convince her, he would not begrudge her the truth.
“Whatdo you want?” Her sea-blue eyes were filled with a softness that called to something deep in his soul.
It had from the first moment he’d seen her across a crowded charity ball. She’d been with her father and Sandor had been instantly intrigued by this woman who was so clearly of the world he wanted to conquer, but not like it.
“I want children, a legacy—a legitimate legacy, to inherit what I have built, to build onto it. I want to please the woman who sacrificed so much to give me life and keep me with her. Even in Greece thirty years ago, a woman could find ways to end an unwanted pregnancy, but she never even considered it.”