“A run sounds good.” Before stopping at the market to pick up the ingredients for dinner, Bella had taken the long way through the park, hoping the walk would clear her head. The exercise hadn’t been strenuous enough. She was no more decisive now than when Blake’s limo had pulled away from the curb.
Growing up with a houseful of siblings, the only way she got any peace was to disappear into the cornfields and make her way to the dirt path that led from their farm to the county road. In the winter the snow drifted in the fields, making it harder to escape her seven brothers and sisters, so she usually just sneaked into the barn and hid in the haymow.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Deidre said, reaching into the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water. “Did one of your students go into hysterics because it was the last day of school today and they couldn’t bear to be parted from you for a whole summer?”
“What?” Bella shook her head at Deidre’s question. “No. Nothing like that.”
“I’m surprised. You are everyone’s favorite teacher, you know.”
“That’s sweet, but we had no repeat of last year’s drama.” Warmed by her roommate’s praise, Bella smiled. “I made sure I prepared them better this year.”
“So what’s up?”
“Blake came by the school today.” Although she hadn’t told her roommate everything that had transpired regarding the surrogacy, Bella had appreciated Deidre’s sensible take on her mixed feelings about giving up Drew.
“Blake?” Deidre’s concern reflected in her expression and her voice. “How did that go?”
“A lot better than you would expect, given how angry he was with me last fall.”
“What did he want?”
“He wants me to be Drew’s nanny for the summer.”
Deidre looked appalled. “His nanny? He has a lot of nerve.”
Some of Bella’s anxiety eased in the face of her friend’s fierceness. It was nice to have someone to support her for a change instead of always being the one people leaned on. “He doesn’t have any idea how hard it was for me to give up Drew.”
The cozy apartment fell away as Bella got lost in the memory of holding Drew. Beneath his soft skin, he was strong like his father. As she’d buckled him into his car seat, she’d inhaled his wonderful baby scent, so like her siblings’ when they were little, and yet all his own. It had whipped her emotions into a muddled stew.
As much as she loved helping to raise her brothers and sisters, she’d lost her childhood to changing diapers, calming temper tantrums, making lunches and helping with homework. Her mother couldn’t have kept up on her own. Plus there was always something around the farm that demanded Stella McAndrews’s attention.
Bella knew she was a lot like her mother. A nurturer. Taking care of people was almost a compulsion. But it had left her little time or energy for herself and in the middle of her sophomore year in high school, she recognized the burning in her gut as resentment. She felt trapped by her siblings’ neediness and began questioning her parents’ decision to have eight children.
Soon, the farm, the small nearby town where they attended school, even her friends—their dreams no bigger than the rural community they lived in—began to feel like a prison she had to escape.
But to do so, she needed to make plans and promises. She would focus on doing well in high school so she could get into college. Majoring in education was a logical choice. She’d grown up teaching her siblings and felt a sense of accomplishment when they did well in school.
She loved college and with each step toward graduation her future looked brighter. Between her course load and work, her time was still not her own, but now she was calling the shots and making all the decisions. It was a heady feeling. One she wasn’t ready to surrender to a boyfriend. So she didn’t date much. If something looked like it was getting serious, she broke it off. She liked her freedom and wasn’t willing to give it up.
“He’s beautiful.” Bella summoned the energy for a weak smile. “Perfect.”
“Blake?” Deidre looked puzzled.
Bella shook her head. “Drew.”
“You saw him, too?”
“I did more than that.” Her throat seized. “I held him.”
Deidre made a disgusted noise. “So what was Blake’s reaction when you told him no about the nanny job?”
“What do you think?” Bella winced at Deidre’s disapproving scowl.
“He badgered you to say yes.”
“Badgered is a little strong. He just didn’t take no for an answer.”