There You Stand (Between Breaths 5)

We crossed each other’s paths all the time and I didn’t want him or anyone else to think I was watching or following him. Guess Vaughn’s question at the bar the other night had really spooked me.

I trudged through the baseball field and then out of the park past some vintage storefronts. When I heard Chopper whimper and then tug on the line, my head snapped up.

Jude and his friend from the bleachers had met up with a couple of skaters who were performing stunts using a park bench and some concrete steps. I wasn’t sure if the sound of fast rolling wheels on the pavement would always remind me of the straight English boy I had a crush on. But for now, it did the trick.

One skater was flying down the stairs and the stunt looked so dangerous, I couldn’t help but hold my breath. And then suddenly, Jude was following behind him and I thought for sure he was headed for a crash landing. But at the last moment his knees rose in the air and he landed pretty solidly on his board.

I didn’t know how these daredevils didn’t break their bones. But maybe they did and the danger of that impending doom was the thrill of it. I remember working on a dude from the Board Room last year, who told me that the bowl became a little monotonous for a skater.

He said the excitement came from figuring out how to master other obstacles, bonus stunts. Noticing the look on these skaters’ faces now, how they high-fived each other after a particularly daring trick, even made my cheeks boost in a smile.

And that knowledge helped chip away at some of that mystery surrounding Jude. He liked a challenge, thrived on skating, had maybe done this his entire life. He seemed alive when he was in the zone, almost blissful. Maybe it held his demons at bay, much like keeping myself busy kept away mine.

“Chopper,” I said in warning as he strained against the leash again. The stunts were fascinating to watch from a distance, but I continued on as if I normally would, heading toward the light to cross the street. I pushed the button to change the color to red as Chopper rotated and whined, watching Jude. “Goddamn it, dog.”

Once we got to the other side, I turned the corner and continued down the street past the Smoothie King shop, considering whether or not to tie these two up to the empty bike rack and get myself a decent shake. When I saw that the line was only one person deep, that’s exactly what I did.

I dug out my wallet as I walked to the counter, placed my order, and then waited as a guy I’d hooked up with a few months back made my drink. He was definitely cute and had a nice body, but now he just seemed too young and naïve. Besides, I had only been looking for a quickie after a long dry spell and it had worked out perfectly.

“Here you go, Cory,” he said, handing me my strawberry-banana smoothie. My ex–fuck partner winked, which told me he remembered exactly how I’d topped him that night. “Haven’t seen you around lately.”

He meant at the gay bar, called Racers. I had been a fixture there every weekend night all winter, before I grew tired of it. Hookups were fun but always left me feeling empty. And that was tough when you craved someone more permanent in your bed. And the only thing permanent I’d gotten from my last semi-steady lover was a damn unruly dog.

When I smiled back, his blush intensified and it was kind of sweet. “You headed there tonight?”

“Are you hoping I am?” There was an encouraging gleam in his eye but it felt kind of suffocating. I didn’t want to lead the guy on and that’s exactly what I’d be doing.

I shrugged. “Whatever happens happens.”

I walked out of the shop and my legs nearly faltered when I saw Jude crouched down in front of my dogs, giving them attention. His board lay upside down next to him and Chopper was practically on his lap. His tail was wagging a mile a minute, as if he’d just gotten his rocks off or something. That’s how happy that stinking dog was to see him.

I could’ve sworn I saw a flicker of the same joy on Jude’s face—the identical kind he’d just had performing tricks on his board—before it disappeared. And something seized my chest and squeezed tight. Jude seemed like such a recluse, outside of his skateboard antics. I wondered if he ever got lonely. Did he lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling like I did, before my eyes drifted closed and sleep consumed me?

“I don’t know what it is about you,” I said, without thinking it through first. I heard Jude’s breath catch as he twisted his head and stared into my eyes. As his penetrating gaze latched onto mine, I became so mesmerized by those light green orbs, I didn’t know if I was talking about the way my dog felt about my crush or the way I did. “He obviously sees something in you he likes.”

Yep, just digging myself a larger grave.

Jude’s gaze held as he shrugged. So I filled in the dead air again. “I have no idea why he’s always trying so darn hard to get close to you.”

I felt a line of heat climb up my neck so I grabbed hold of the leads to untie them from the bike rack, giving my fingers something to do. I looped the leashes around my wrist, and Ace happily stepped toward me. It was the other dog that was about give me the trouble.

I still felt Jude’s heavy gaze on me, like he was using the opportunity of our close proximity to check me out. His eyes scanned from my black Chucks to my jeans and up over my vintage Flash Gordon T-shirt. I had on my gray knit cap, the same one I always wore, and my Ray-Bans were looped over the front of my shirt.

Now I wished that my shades were covering my eyes so he was unable to read my reaction to him. So he couldn’t see how much he’d unnerved me. I desperately wanted to know exactly what he saw when he looked at me.