“He and I weren’t mean to be. It happens.”
“That’s not how you felt six months ago.”
“I’m not going to say that having him break off our engagement two weeks before the wedding was any fun, but I’d much rather find out then that we weren’t meant to be than to get married and try to make it work only to invest years and then have it fail.”
Ming’s cell phone rang. She plucked it off the nightstand and answered it before Lily could respond.
“If I’m going to be stuck in your bathroom all morning, I’d love a cup of coffee and some breakfast.”
“Good morning to you, too,” she said, mouthing Jason’s name to Lily. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired and a little aroused after checking out the lingerie drying in your shower.”
“Sure, I can return your car.” She rolled her eyes in Lily’s direction. “Are you sober enough to drive me back here?”
“I guess I don’t need to ask what excuse you gave your sister for why my car is at your house.” Jason’s voice was dry.
“I can follow you over there and bring you back,” Lily offered.
“Hey, Lily just offered to follow me to your house so I can drop the car off.”
“You’re a diabolical woman, do you know that?”
“I’m sure it’s no bother,” Ming continued. “We’re going to make breakfast first though.”
“French toast with cinnamon raisin bread?”
“That’s right. Your favorite.” And one of the few things Ming enjoyed cooking. “Pity you aren’t here this morning to have some.”
“Just remember that paybacks can be painful.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you needed your car to go shopping for Max and Rachel’s wedding gift this morning. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” She disconnected the call. “I’m going to run Jason’s car over to him and then I’ll come back and we can make breakfast.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you over there?”
“No. I think the fresh air will do him some good.”
She escorted Lily to the kitchen and settled her with a cup of green tea before she headed for the front door. Jason was already in the car when she arrived.
“Lily sounded upset this morning,” Jason said. “Did I hear her say she put an offer on a house?”
“In Portland. But she seems really unsure what her next move is.” She drove the car into the parking lot of a coffee shop in her neighborhood and cut the engine. “She’s conflicted about going.” She paused a beat. “Did you know they’re sleeping together?”
Silence filled the space between her and Jason. Ming listened to the engine tick as it cooled, her thoughts whirling.
“Yes.” He was keeping things from her. That wasn’t like him.
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to get upset.”
“I’m not upset.” Not about Lily and Evan.
Last weekend she’d discovered what she really wanted from Jason. It wasn’t a baby she would raise on her own. It was a husband who’d adore her and a bunch of kids to smother with love. She was never going to have that with him, and accepting that was tearing her apart.
“Well, you don’t look happy.”
“I want my sister to stay in Houston.” The air inside the car became stuffy and uncomfortable. Ming shoved open the door and got out.
By the time she reached the Camaro’s front bumper, Jason was there, waiting for her. “What happens if Lily and Evan decide to get married?”
Then she would be happy for them. “Evan and I were over six months ago.”
“You and Evan broke up six months ago.”
“Are you insinuating I’m not over him?”
“Are you?” He set his hand on his hips, preventing her from going past.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She tried to sidestep him, but he shifted to keep her blocked. “Would I be sleeping with you if I was hung up on your brother?”
“If I recall, the only reason you’re sleeping with me is so you can get pregnant.”
She should be relieved that he believed that. It alleviated the need for complicated explanations. But what had happened between them meant so much more to her than that she couldn’t stay silent.
“Perhaps you need to think a little harder about that first afternoon in your kitchen.” She leaned into his body, surrendering her pride. “Did it seem as if all I was interested in was getting pregnant?”
“Ming.” The guilt in his voice wrenched at her. He cupped her shoulders, the pressure comforting, reassuring.
She stared at his chest and hoped he wouldn’t see the tears burning her eyes. “I knew it was going to get weird between us.”
“It’s not weird.”
“It’s weird.” She circled around him and headed to the passenger side. “I should probably get back.”
For a moment Jason stood where she’d left him. Ming watched him through the windshield, appreciating the solitude to collect her thoughts. It was her fault that their relationship was strained. If she’d just stuck with her plan and used a clinic to get pregnant, she wouldn’t have developed a craving for a man who could never be hers. And she wouldn’t feel miserable for opening herself to love.
As Jason slid behind the wheel, she composed her expression and gathered breath to tell him that they needed to go back to being friends without benefits, but he spoke first.
“Last night.” He gripped the steering wheel hard and stared straight ahead. “I crossed the line.”
*
To fill the silence that followed his confession, Jason started the Camaro, but for once the car’s powerful engine didn’t make him smile.
“Because of what you wanted me to say.” Ming sounded irritated and unsure.
“Yes.” Moments earlier, he’d considered skirting the truth, but she’d been honest about her feelings toward him.
“Then why did you?”
Making love to her had flipped a switch, lighting him up like a damned merry-go-round. He kept circling, his thoughts stuck on the same track, going nowhere. He liked that they were lovers. At the same time he relied on the stability of their friendship. So far he’d been operating under the belief that he could have it both ways. Now, his emotions were getting away from him. Logic told him lust and love were equally powerful and easily confused. But he’d begun to question his determination to never fall in love.
“Because it’s how I feel.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
He saw the hope in her eyes and winced. “It isn’t bad. We’ve been close a long time. My feelings for you are strong.” How did he explain himself without hurting her? “I just don’t want to lead you on and I think that’s what I did.”
“Lead me on?” She frowned. “By making me think that you wanted to move beyond friendship into something…more?” Her fingers curled into fists. “I’m not sure who I’m more angry with right now. You or me.”
If he’d known for sure that sleeping with her would complicate their friendship, would he have suggested it? Yes. Even now he wasn’t ready to go back to the way things were. He had so much he longed to explore with Ming.
If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that helping her get pregnant was no longer his primary motivation for continuing their intimate relationship. He’d have to weigh a deeper connection with Ming against the risk that someday one of them would wake up and realize they were better off as friends. If emotions were uneven, their friendship might not survive.
“Do you want to stop?” He threw the car into gear and backed out of the parking spot.
“You’re making me responsible for what does or doesn’t happen between us? How is that fair?”
Below her even tone was a cry for help. Jason wanted to pull her close and kiss away her frown. If today they agreed to go back to the way things were, how long would he struggle against the impulse to touch her the way a lover would?
“I want you to be happy,” he told her. “Whatever that takes.”
“Do you?” She looked skeptical. “Last night I wanted you to stay, but you got all tense and uncomfortable.” A deep breath helped get her voice back under control. When she continued, she seemed calmer. “I know it’s because you have a rule against spending the night with the women you see.”
“But I spent last night with you.”
“And this morning you couldn’t put your clothes on fast enough.” She stared at him hard enough to leave marks on his face.
“So what do you want from me?”
“I’d like to know what you want. Are we just friends? Are we lovers?”
Last night he’d denied their relationship to his friends and felt resistance to her suggestion that he stay the night with her. As happy as Max and his brothers were to be in love with three terrific women, Jason could only wonder about future heartbreak when he looked at the couples. He didn’t want to live with the threat of loss hanging over his head, but he couldn’t deny that the thought of Ming with another man bugged him. So did her dismay that Evan had fallen in love with Lily.