“Do you like it?” he prompted, surprised by how much he wanted her approval.
“It’s perfect.”
*
Nestled in Jason’s arms, Ming wouldn’t have believed it was possible to fall any deeper in love with him, but at that moment she did. The room had been crafted with loving care by a guy who was as comfortable in a department store as a cat in a kennel of yapping dogs.
He was an amazing man and he would be a terrific father. She was lucky to have such a good friend.
Jason’s arms tightened. “I’m glad you like the room. It turned out better than I expected.”
“I love you.” The courage to say those words had been building in her ever since Jason told her he wanted to go public about his part in her pregnancy. She’d always been truthful with Jason. She’d be a fool and a coward to hide something so important from him.
He tensed.
She gestured at the room. “Seeing this, I thought…” Well, that wasn’t true. She’d been reacting emotionally to Jason’s decision to be an active father and to his decorating this room to surprise her. “I want to be more than your best friend. I want to be a family with you and our baby.”
Fear that he’d react badly didn’t halt her confession. As her love for him strengthened with each day that passed, she knew she was going to bare her soul at some point. It might as well be sooner so they could talk it through. “I know that’s not what you want to hear,” she continued. “But I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with just being your best friend.”
When his mouth flattened into a grim line, Ming pulled free of his embrace. Without his warmth, she was immediately chilled. She rubbed her arms, but the cold she felt came from deep inside.
“Evan knew how you felt, didn’t he?” Jason made it sound like an accusation. “Tonight. He told me you weren’t as in love with him as I thought.”
“Why did he tell you that?”
“I assumed because he was justifying falling for Lily.”
“I swear I never gave him any reason to suspect how I felt about you. I couldn’t even admit it to myself until I saw you crash. You’ve always been so determined not to fall in love or get married.” Ming’s eyes burned as she spoke. “I knew you’d never let yourself feel anything more for me than friendship, so I bottled everything up and almost married your brother because I was completely convinced you and I could never be.”
He was silent a long time. “I haven’t told you what happened with Evan tonight.”
“Is he okay?”
“When I got to his house I found him on the floor with an empty bottle of painkillers beside him. I thought he was so upset over Lily refusing to marry him that he tried to kill himself.”
Ming’s heart squeezed in sympathy. The wound he’d suffered when he’d found his father in the garage with the car running had cut deeper than anyone knew. The damage had been permanent. Something Jason would never be free from.
“Did he?” She’d been with Evan for three years and had never seen any sign of depression, but Jason’s concern was so keen, she was ready to believe her ex-fiancé had done something to harm himself.
“No. He’d only taken a couple.” A muscle jumped in Jason’s jaw. He stared at the wall behind her, his gaze on a distant place. “I’ve never seen him like this. He’s devastated that Lily turned him down.”
“They’re not us.”
“What does that mean?” Annoyance edged his voice, warning her that he wasn’t in the mood to listen.
She refused to be deterred. “Just because they might not be able to make it work doesn’t mean we can’t.”
“Maybe. But I don’t want to take the risk.” He gripped her hands and held on tight.
“Have you considered what will happen if we go down that road and it doesn’t work out between us? You could come to hate me. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
Ming had thought about it, but she had no easy answer. “I don’t want to lose you, either, but I’m struggling to think of you as just my best friend. What I feel for you is so much deeper and stronger than that.”
And here’s where things got tricky. She could love Jason to the best of her ability, but he was convinced that loving someone meant opening up to overwhelming loss, and she couldn’t force him to accept something different. But she could make him face what he feared most.
“I love you,” she said, her voice brimming with conviction. “I need you to love me in return. I know you do. I feel it every time you touch me.” She paused to let her words sink in. “And because we love each other, whether you want to admit it or not, our friendship is altered. We’re no longer just best friends. We’re a whole lot more.”
Through her whole speech he regarded her with an unflinching stare. Now he spoke. “So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying what you’re trying to preserve by not moving our relationship forward no longer exists.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw as he stared at her. Silence surrounded them.
“Is this an ultimatum?”
Was it? When she started, she hadn’t meant it to be.
“No. It’s a statement of intent. Our friendship as it once was is over. I love you and I want us to be a family.”
“And if I don’t accept that things have to change?”
She made no attempt to hide her sadness. “Then we both lose.”
*
Half an hour after her conversation with Jason, Ming plopped onto her window seat and stared at the dark backyard. She didn’t bother changing into a nightgown and sliding between the sheets. What was the point when there was no way she was going to be able to sleep? Her conversation with Jason played over and over in her mind.
Could she have handled it better? Probably not. Jason was never going to relish hearing the truth. He liked their relationship exactly the way it was. Casual. Comfortable. Constant. No doubt he’d resent her for shaking things up.
Dawn found her perched on a stool at the breakfast bar, her gaze on the pool in her backyard. She cradled a cup of coffee in her hands.
“You’re up early.” Lily entered the kitchen and made a beeline for the cupboard where she kept the ingredients for her healthy breakfast shake. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“You’re an idiot.” Ming knew it wasn’t fair to take her frustration out on her sister, but Lily was throwing away love.
Her sister leaned back against the countertop. “Good morning to you, too.”
“I’m sorry.” Ming shook her head. Her heart hurt. “I’m sitting here thinking how lucky you are that Evan wants to marry you. And it just makes me so mad that you turned him down.”
“Are you sure that’s what you’re mad about?”
Ming blinked and focused her gaze on Lily. “Of course.”
“The whole time you were with Evan I was miserable.”
Seeing where her sister was going, Ming laughed. “And you think I’m unhappy because Evan loves you?”
“Are you?”
“Not even a little.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
With shaky hands, Ming set her cup down and rubbed her face. “I’m pregnant.”
After all the arguments she’d had with her sister, the last thing Ming expected was for Lily to rush over and hug her. Ming’s throat closed.
“Aren’t you going to scold me for doing the wrong thing?” Ming asked.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so unsupportive. It wasn’t fair of me to impose my opinions on you. I’m really happy for you.” Lily sounded sincere. “Why didn’t you didn’t tell me you’d gone to the clinic?”
“Because I didn’t go.”
“Then how…?” Lily’s eyes widened. “Jason?”
“Yes.” Ming couldn’t believe how much it relieved her to share the truth.
“Have you thought about what this is going to do to Evan?” It was natural that this would be Lily’s reaction. She loved Evan and wanted to protect him.
“I was more worried about it before I knew he’d moved on with you.” Ming crossed her arms. “But now you’ve turned down his proposal, and neither Jason nor I want to keep his involvement a secret.”
“Why did you have to pick Jason?” Lily shook her head.
Ming refrained from asking Lily why Evan had picked her. “When I decided to have a baby, I wasn’t keen on having a stranger’s child. Jason understood, and because he’s my best friend, he agreed to help.”
“So you slept with him.”
Ming’s cheeks grew warm. “Yes.”
“Does that mean you two are a couple?”
“No. As much as I want more, I understood that us being together was a temporary thing. Once I got pregnant, we’d stop.”
“But now you’re in love with him.” Not a question, a statement. “Does he know?”
“I told him last night.”
Lily squeezed Ming’s hands. “How did he react?”
“Exactly how I’d expected him to.” Ming put on her bravest smile. “He has his reasons for never falling in love.”
“What are you talking about? He loves you.”