His eyebrows rose. ‘You think I wanted a wife? After witnessing my parents’ relationship erode into nothing?’ He shook his head. ‘You weren’t the only one set on independence. For me the ultimate pleasure has always been just me against the wilderness.’ Orsino’s eyes blazed. ‘I’ve always been a loner. Relationships were short term and shallow, based on sex and lots of it.
‘And then I met you.’
His words were harsh. Did he blame her for making him want her? For disrupting his life?
She wanted to wail: what about her? But Poppy kept her mouth closed. She’d already bared her soul.
The flow of words ended. He walked beyond her and grabbed the railing, hands splayed wide, broad shoulders open. He should have looked like the lord of all he surveyed, except his hands were bleached white by his tight grip and even in profile his grimace was obvious.
That’s how she made him feel. Why did he haul her here just to tell her how unhappy she’d made him?
Poppy turned towards the door.
His arm shot out, hard fingers circling her wrist. Instantly heat flared and spread under her skin. A familiar heat. A longing.
No! This couldn’t be.
He must have realised the same thing for his hand dropped as if he’d touched a live circuit.
‘I can’t do this, Orsino.’ He was tearing her apart.
‘Wait, Poppy. Give me a few more minutes.’
‘Why?’ Bracing herself for pain she raised her eyes. His gaze glittered with a febrile heat.
‘Because I need to apologise.’
Apologise?
Suddenly Poppy was sinking onto a padded seat, her legs as wobbly as fresh-cooked spaghetti.
‘Don’t look so shocked.’ His voice wasn’t quite steady. ‘I know I deserve it but—’ He palmed the back of his neck, staring down at her as if he could see into the darkest corners of her soul.
Panic rose. After all he’d done, and all he’d not done, it was probably too late for them.
‘Marrying was a huge mistake. I see that now.’
He watched her face turn parchment white and cursed himself for inflicting more pain.
‘Because I hurt you. Because—’ the words tasted bitter on his tongue ‘—I hadn’t the first clue how to be a decent husband. All I knew was that I needed you. The more I had you, the more I needed you.’
Poppy had opened up a whole new world of wanting to him and it had terrified him.
‘I was selfish. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t enough for you. Why you had to spend your time working when I had enough money to support us both.’
Poppy frowned. ‘But it was my career.’
Orsino nodded, wincing at the self-absorbed fool he’d been. ‘I know. I gave lip service to it but never really understood.’ He swiped his hand over his jaw, wishing the right words would come. ‘Not till you told me about your parents and what your career meant. I’d thought you were playing at modelling.’
‘Playing?’ Her voice rose. Fire blazed in her eyes. He felt better seeing her like this, ready to fight from her corner. Watching her slump into the chair, her expression defeated, had gutted him.
‘I told you I was self-absorbed. I could say I was used to mixing with women whose jobs were fill-ins until they landed a rich husband but that’s no excuse. When I saw you were serious I began to get jealous.’
She stiffened. ‘Of Mischa.’
Orsino spread his arms. ‘You shared a relationship that excluded me. You turned to him so often. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t enough for you. You’re right. I’d led a life of privilege too long. It took the shock of our split, and burying myself in work, discovering I could do something useful for other people, for me to mature. Seeing the burdens other people face daily without complaint put my woes into perspective. Back then I was jealous of your work because it took you away. Those 4:00 a.m. starts when I wanted to drag you back to bed—’
‘You thought I wanted to leave you then?’ She looked dazed.
He shrugged. ‘I was insecure. I thought you were finding excuses.’
‘Excuses not to be with you?’ She shook her head. ‘I was head over ears in love with you. I told you.’
Heat washed up his throat and over his cheeks, making even his ears burn. He couldn’t remember blushing before. But then he’d never felt so ashamed.
‘You didn’t believe me?’ Poppy’s eyes widened till they seemed to consume her face.
‘I thought it was just—’ He gestured vaguely. ‘I thought it was passion, not love.’ Before she could respond he continued. ‘I was wrong. I know now I hurt you. It’s just that no one had ever loved me before.’ Orsino heard how pathetic that sounded and hurried on. He wasn’t after sympathy. ‘Not even my parents. The exception is Lucca, but that’s different.’ That was something they were born with.