Alaric forced himself to relinquish his hold on Tamsin, knowing she’d move away now.
Tamsin held her breath, shocked at his story. Stunned by the blankness in Alaric’s voice. How much he’d suffered! He’d hidden it all behind that charming mask.
It was obvious he’d loved his brother. Given the little she knew, perhaps Felix was the only person who’d ever cared for Alaric.
‘I’m so sorry.’ The words were pathetically little.
‘So am I. Every day. But that doesn’t change the fact I’m to blame.’
‘Don’t say that!’
‘If I hadn’t seduced Diana, none of it would have happened. If I’d stopped him—’
‘If Diana had loved him back, nothing you did could have caused a rift between them.’
There was silence for a moment as if Alaric considered the idea for the first time. Then he shook his head.
‘I should have been more careful, less eager to get her into my bed.’
Tamsin couldn’t argue with that. ‘Your brother blamed you because he was disappointed. It wasn’t your fault he loved someone who didn’t return his feelings.’
‘But he didn’t need me undermining him. He deserved my loyalty. I should have been there to help him. Protect him from himself when he turned to drink. I couldn’t even do that. I failed him when he needed me.’ His voice hollowed and Tamsin’s throat ached as she stifled tears at his pain.
From the first she’d noticed his tendency to set high standards for himself. Look at the way he’d talked about taking her virginity.
Did that overblown sense of responsibility come from being told constantly by his father that his best wasn’t good enough? She sensed the weight Alaric bore didn’t stem solely from tragic recent events, but from unhealed scars he’d carried a long time.
It didn’t surprise her that he wasn’t thinking clearly. He’d had one shock piled on another.
Alaric’s bitter laughter shredded the silence. ‘And here I am, about to take the crown. To do my duty and promise to serve and protect! How can I be sure I won’t fail again?’
Tamsin’s heart broke at his pain and self-doubt. He truly didn’t see how capable and competent he was.
No wonder he spent his time dallying with socialites and risking his neck in extreme sports. No wonder he never wanted to be still. He was running from this trauma.
Fury rose in her that those closest to him hadn’t seen this. That they hadn’t helped him.
Her mind boggled at the weight of guilt he bore. How did he function, much less put on that devil-may-care air? He believed he’d failed his duty to his comrades and his brother. That he was to blame.
That explained why he was appalled at becoming responsible for a nation. And why he didn’t want to get close to anyone. He felt himself unworthy. She’d bet, apart from his brother, his comrades were the closest he’d come to a family.
Tamsin breathed out a huff of relief that she hadn’t told him the chronicle’s date had been verified. Wild horses wouldn’t drag that from her now.
‘Oh, darling.’ She pressed closer, kissing his chin, neck and face. ‘You have to forgive yourself. Believe me, you’re a victim too.’
He shook his head. ‘Tell that to men who came home scarred. Or the mother of an innocent boy who died.’
Tamsin framed his face with her palms. His pain tore at her and she couldn’t bear it. ‘Your ego is out of control if you think you caused all that! Your brother would be horrified to know you blamed yourself. Do you really think he’d want that? You’re a good man, Alaric. I’d trust you with my life.’
‘Sweet Tamsin.’ He raised a hand and brushed a furious tear from her cheek. ‘Don’t waste your tears on me.’
‘I’ll cry if I want to.’ He was so stubborn! So eager to shoulder guilt.
Yet his loyalty and honour were part of what made him the man she cared for. The man she loved.
Knowledge sideswiped her with a force that left her speechless. Somehow, without her realising, he’d changed from fantasy prince to the man she loved.
Her heart gave a massive jerk and thundered out of control. Her hands shook against his lean cheeks.
She’d thought she risked her pride in coming here, only to discover she’d risked much more.
She’d given her heart to Alaric.
A man with no thought of long term relationships. Who distrusted love. Yet for now even that couldn’t dim the incandescent glow filling her.
‘We can talk about this later. Now you need sleep.’
‘I’ll move to another room.’
‘Don’t even think about it! I’ll just follow you.’ She slid down into the bed. ‘Shut your eyes and rest. I’ll stay awake. You won’t hurt me.’