‘Patrick set out to make me fall for him. He conned me into helping him manage his workload till I found him passing off my work as his. Using it to get a promotion at my expense. When he got it he dumped me and took up with a sexy blonde who knew how to please a man.’ She almost gagged, remembering Patrick’s satisfaction as he’d said that.
‘And now you, you…’ She blinked dry, scratchy eyes. ‘I can’t believe I fell for it again. That I actually believed you were attracted to me.’
She couldn’t go on. Bile rose in her throat and her stomach churned queasily. Being sick in front of Alaric would be the final humiliation.
Tamsin stumbled to the door, thrusting aside his hand, ignoring his call for her to stop as pain, nausea and despair took hold.
The cold seeped into Alaric’s bones as he stood, staring at the library’s empty fireplace. It wasn’t the chill air that froze his half-dressed body. It was the memory of Tamsin’s distress. The pain he had caused.
Guilt flexed its claws, raking his belly. Lacerating the peace he’d discovered these past days with Tamsin.
Seeing her anguish, hearing her desperate attempt to keep her voice steady, Alaric had wanted to gather her close and comfort her. Force her to accept his embrace. Accustomed as he was to causing pain, he couldn’t bear this.
Letting her leave had been the ultimate test of endurance when every instinct roared for him to go to her.
Yet he had to give her time alone. Enough to calm a little so she’d listen.
She felt betrayed by him.
He turned to pace, unable to remain inactive. If only he’d known her history with the Englishman! How much more damage had Alaric done to her bruised self-esteem?
She thought he’d used her for his own ends too.
But it hadn’t been like that.
Yes, he’d been selfish. He’d seduced an innocent. But his motives, though not pure, hadn’t been as despicable as the Englishman’s. Her work had been a catalyst for intimacy. Yet it had also provided a convenient excuse. How much easier to explain away his fascination with a drably dressed bookworm than admit she intrigued him? That he wanted her in ways he’d never wanted anyone? Ways that had as much to do with emotions as with sexual gratification?
Air punched from his lungs as an unseen blow pummelled his solar plexus.
Emotions.
He’d spent so long distancing himself from intimacy except the sort he found in the beds of accommodating women. It was a shock to realise how much he felt for Tamsin. How much he cared. He’d thought it impossible, but it was true.
Instantly fear rose. Its familiar, hoary hand clenched his heart and iced his blood. No matter how he fought he couldn’t blot out the voice in his soul.
He tainted everyone he touched.
He should never have allowed himself near Tamsin, so bright and generous and trusting.
His darkness spread like a miasma, infecting everyone he cared for. Now it had soiled that brief bright moment of delight. It had engulfed Tamsin too. He’d let her down.
But how to look into her bright eyes and listen to her soft, serious tones and not give in to temptation? For all his inner darkness, he was a man, not a machine. Resisting her innocent sweetness, her tart asperity and her zest for living had been impossible.
He’d craved an end to the darkness and he’d got that from her. No wonder he’d been insatiable, unable to bear her out of his sight. Before her his smiles and banter had carefully masked bleak emptiness. She’d filled that void with light and warmth.
Alaric recalled her soft murmurings as she’d listened to his story. Instead of shunning him when she’d heard what he’d done she’d called him ‘darling’ as naturally as if it might even be true. The sound of it had lodged somewhere near his heart and he’d cherished it.
He’d be damned if he’d give that up.
Twenty minutes since he’d let her walk away. A sensitive man might wait longer before confronting her. But his need was too urgent. He strode from the room.
The turret bedroom was empty. Alaric refused to think of it as their room, though the hint of her scent and the sight of rumpled sheets hit him in the chest like a ton of bricks. Setting his jaw, he searched the other rooms. Empty.
Fear ratcheted up in his belly.
It was only as he paused by a window that he realised where she’d gone. Her tracks led to the cliff where he’d given her a climbing lesson.
His heart almost failed as he remembered telling her that was the quickest way to the castle. It was an easy climb if you were experienced, but for a novice…
He’d hurt her so badly she’d rather face the mountain than him?
Alaric was no stranger to anguish but as he raced downstairs his torment was worse than anything he’d known.