He’d lost that somewhere along the way. And it wasn’t until now that he missed it.
“You look beautiful,” he said. It was true. She did. He realized the truth of it as he spoke it. He’d always put up a block where Leah was concerned. She was too young for him to look at her like that.
And he had been looking at one woman for years, a woman who was wholly different in looks and personality, and it was not an immediate thing, to want to look at anyone else.
Though Leah’s transformation was startling enough that he had to look, was powerless to do anything else.
Startling, not necessarily welcome. It seemed to him that the chill emanating from her like mist over frost would be obvious to anyone who saw them.
And then she smiled, red lips parting, and he could see how false it was.
“Let’s go then,” she said, extending her arm.
He took it, drawing her close to his side and leading her out the front door where the car was already waiting.
She leaned into her step, her body coming into fuller contact with his. He paused, and for a full second, he was unable to look away from the lush outline of her breasts. Fire kicked through him, a quick burst of it, like kerosene being thrown on a match. It was like nothing he’d felt for years. Nothing he’d let himself feel.
Nothing he’d felt since he was a boy. Surrounded by all of the women he could have. No one to tell him no. Until...
He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. No. He wouldn’t think of that. He wouldn’t look at her that way.
He gritted his teeth and moved away from her, rounding the car to open her door for her before going to the driver’s side and getting in.
They might have been a couple who’d been married for years. They were comfortably silent on the ride, Leah keeping her eyes on her phone while he kept his eyes on the road, taking the time to enjoy the way his car handled the turns.
It was one of his few indulgences. Cars. He liked different cars. The way they handled, the rate at which they accelerated. Driving was the one time he could keep a blank mind. The one time he could loosen his focus on the plan and simply see what was in front of him.
He was almost feeling relaxed by the time they pulled up to the front of the hotel where the event was being held. This could work. This sort of side-by-side existence.
It was only when he got out of the car and rounded to her side, when the flashbulbs started going off, and when he reached in and took her hand, helping her out, when he saw the frost in her eyes, that he felt the ease slip.
The blast of light from the camera revealed a flatness in her gaze. And tomorrow everyone would see it. They would have to be blind to miss it.
It took him a moment to realize she was smiling. Because he had only been looking at her eyes. And there was no smile there.
“Ready, darling husband?” she asked, the brittle steel in her voice carrying over to her posture, her body rigid, tense.
“Ready, agape mou.” He slid his arm around her waist, pulled her up against the side of his body. He’d held her close yesterday, kissed her lips. But then he’d been high on adrenaline, completely disconnected from his body. He’d been focused only on one thing: getting out of the wedding venue before questions had started pouring in.
And he’d succeeded. But there had been no time then, to think of her lips, of her curves, how soft and warm she felt up against him.
Suddenly it was the only thing he could think about. From shouting at her this morning, to the wave of lust he was battling with tonight, Leah seemed to make a mockery of his control.
Marriage had been intended to make everything easier, but so far, his was just making things more difficult. Made him feel like he was being dragged backward. Back to the place he’d started. Back to the man he’d been.
Back into hell. Where he wasn’t one of those suffering eternal damnation, no. That would be too kind. In his hell, he was the one meting it out.
He closed his eyes for a moment, blocking out the camera flashes. Blocking out the memories.
He led her up the steps and into the hotel, all the while smiling, at her, not at the photographers. It would look much better in the photos. Make a better headline.
He would close it off. The desire. The heat. He moved his fingers, gently, over the indent of her waist. He was used to going places with Rachel like this, with his arm around her like this. But Leah was different. Her waist nipped in a bit more, her hips flaring out wider, where Rachel was flat and slender.
An observation, that was all. And yet he did find it interesting. He moved his hand down slightly, to the rounded curve of her hip. Yes, very interesting.