He turned and walked through the curtain, down into the living area, and she just sat there, her knees drawn up to her chest, a shiver, a chill, working its way through her body.
For her, sex had changed everything. And it seemed to have changed things for him, too. But he didn’t feel closer to her. It didn’t make him want to hold her or be near her.
She’d given him her body. Let him run his hands over her bare skin, let him into her body.
She had given him absolutely everything. And it still hadn’t made him want her. It had only made him want to put her at a greater distance.
And the very last bit of fantasy, the last little shaft of light in the darkness, the hope that she hadn’t realized still lived inside of her, that someday he would feel something for her, was snuffed out.
* * *
She was very careful to avoid Ajax for as long as possible the next day. When she woke up, early the next morning, he was asleep on the couch. She had to fight the urge to go to him and cover him with a blanket, or smooth his hair back from his forehead, or try to move him into a more comfortable position.
He’d clearly fallen asleep while working, half sitting up, his laptop on the table in front of him, his neck turned at an angle that looked the opposite of comfortable.
But it worked out, because his obviously exhausted state allowed her to sneak out undetected. She spent the day wandering around the private beaches and swimming, stopping at the bar for a fruity drink and some lunch.
Yes, for being a small, exclusive island, there were a lot of ways and places to avoid her new husband, and to get a grip on what had happened between them last night. Try to figure out a way to rebuild the walls inside.
But she didn’t know how to do that. Didn’t know how to protect herself when it felt like he was in her.
She sighed and let her wrap drop around her ankles. Then she started to half jog down to the waves. She stopped, adjusted her bikini top and rethought the jogging. There was not enough support in that itty-bitty red top for that much bouncing up and down.
“How are you doing?”
She turned around, midadjust, her hand stuffed down her top, and saw Ajax. She slowly removed her hand and tried not to die of embarrassment. “Morning,” she said.
“I asked how you were.”
“I don’t know... How are you? You were practically a virgin, and don’t virgins get all emotional after sex?”
“Leah, I’m being serious.”
“So am I.”
He shrugged his broad shoulders, his loose white shirt tightening across his chest. “Fine.”
“Oh, yeah, good. Me, too. Fine. Totally fine. I’m glad you’re fine because I’d hate to feel all guilty over any wounded virtue.”
“I haven’t got any.”
“So you’ve said.”
“And you?”
“My wounded virtue? Fine. Fine.”
“That’s what I was asking about.”
“Okay,” she said, putting her hands up. “I’m not fine. I don’t want you sleeping on the couch.”
“Why?”
“Because it feels wrong. Don’t you think a married couple should share a bed?”
“Often in history married couples haven’t.”
“So? Often in history people died of dysentery, but that’s not really a trend I want to continue.”
“You don’t know what it will be like...to spend so much time with me. Perhaps you should worry about something other than sharing a bed all night. Like if you’ll be able to stand having breakfast with me in the morning.”
“Or maybe, since it’s our honeymoon, we see how much of each other we can stand. Why not have a little immersion therapy?”
“Why not keep us both from needing therapy?”
“Ajax, why don’t you want to share a bed with me?”
“It’s not what I do, Leah.”
“You admitted to me you hadn’t done anything like this in a long time, so how is it you have formed opinions on how you should be in this situation?” She looked out at the water, trying not to cry or do anything similarly humiliating. Like smacking him over the head. “Would you have shared a bed with Rachel?”
“No,” he said, his voice rough.
“But I thought you loved her.”
“I didn’t, Leah, obviously.”
The admission stunned her, left her feeling hollow. “What’s that supposed to mean? You’ve been telling me all this time that you loved her. You weren’t with another woman from the time you met her.”