Marriage Made of Secrets

‘So you were ready to find a way to give me what I wanted.’ He nodded. ‘Well, I’m ready to do what it takes too. This is an equal opportunities marriage.’

‘Yes, but this isn’t your problem, cara. The Tays-Sachs aside, I let what happened with Roberto and Valentina shame me into suppressing what I wanted until it was almost too late. You and Annabelle are the most precious things in my life and I nearly lost you both.’ He stopped, his breath shuddering out. ‘I’ve accepted that I didn’t handle things with Roberto very well and that I couldn’t help him when he was in pain. It’s something I have to live with.’

‘Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s at peace now,’ she said.

He nodded. ‘And I’ll make peace with it some day. But not at the cost of my family. And not at the cost of this condition. I cannot...I won’t let you take the burden on your shoulders.’

Although her heart lifted, a hint of shame stung her. ‘I’m not without fault myself. What you said, about me putting you front and centre of everything I wanted in a family...you were right. After my mother died, dreaming of a perfect family was what kept me together. I was like one of those women you see sitting alone in a coffee shop, watching couples go past and doodling her imaginary husband and children’s names on a napkin, only I used my camera. Then you appeared and I didn’t stop to think of what you wanted...my whole focus was on making my dream come true. When you didn’t immediately fall in line with my plans, I began to despise you for it.’ She looked deep into his eyes, her heart laid bare. ‘I’m sorry.’

With a deep groan, he pulled her tighter, kissed her until they were both out of breath. ‘I’ll forgive you if you give me a lifetime to make amends to you and to Annabelle for all the time I’ve lost with you.’

Her heart began to race. ‘A lifetime?’

‘Sì, non-negotiable.’ He looked around the sterile room. ‘And, speaking of non-negotiable, you accept that this is out of the question, don’t you?’

‘No. You’ve sacrificed enough for this family—’

‘By walking away? By leaving you to care for our child on your own? How is that caring?’

‘I was so hung up on finding a perfect family that I refused to see you were battling serious demons. I wanted you to be perfect for me and I had no right to do that. And the conversation I overheard on the phone, that was you arranging to have a medical procedure, wasn’t it? You were willing to deny yourself a chance to become a father again just so you could hang onto us. What’s that if not sacrifice?’

He clutched her hand tighter. ‘I was going to discuss it with you first. I wasn’t ready to give you up. Despite what I said in that message, I’m not and I never will be. But I don’t want to risk passing this gene on to another child.’

She leaned forward and kissed him, and Cesare felt his heart stutter crazily.

‘So let me do this. For us. It’s time for me to lighten your load.’

‘Absolutely not. You’re not getting your tubes tied and I don’t even want to hear the word hysterectomy.’

‘Cesare—’

‘It’s out of the question!’

‘You know, I’m sure there’s a rule that says you can’t yell at the patient.’

He didn’t know whether to kiss her or shake the living daylights out of her. He contented himself with pulling the ugly cap off her head and stroking his fingers through her gorgeous fiery hair. ‘Then you need to be nice to me.’

She frowned. ‘What do you mean—be nice to you?’

‘When Celine called and told me what you were planning, I called the doctor and altered the arrangement a little bit. No, don’t death-stare me. We will discuss this first like a normal married couple. And then we will agree to do things my way.’

‘You’re having a vasectomy.’ She didn’t frame it in a question because she saw the resolution in his eyes.

‘Mio bella moglie, this is something I have thought long and hard about.’

‘I’ll think about it, too, if you repeat the message you left on my phone.’

‘Which one?’

‘The one that says how you feel about me.’

‘They all say how I feel about you. Each and every one of them ends with me telling you how much I love you.’

Her mouth dropped open. Unable to resist, he kissed her.

‘Oh God, please say that again,’ she whispered against his lips when they parted.