He was done with that now, though. He loved her. More than the throne. More than his own life.
So he could sit here and brood soberly, or he could go after her. Make a fool of himself. Again. For her love. And if he couldn’t have her love, he would beg her to let go of all that pain and live the life she was meant to live.
Not shut herself away from the world, but shine in it.
Of course, he would beg her to be with him first. She could shine with him. Failing that, he would let her shine alone. But dammit, she would shine. Scars and fears couldn’t keep her hidden anymore.
She was beautiful. She deserved everything. And he had to make sure that she knew it.
* * *
“Why don’t you go for a ride? Or a walk?”
Layna turned toward Mother Maria-Francesca, feeling distinctly ashamed just looking at the other woman. She shouldn’t still be here taking up valuable space and sulking. Though, sulking seemed like too weak of a term.
“That’s probably a good idea.”
“Where will you go?” She detected a hint of concern in her voice. Probably afraid Layna would do something dire since she looked like a specter of death.
But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t honestly say she wouldn’t. “Just up in the hills. To get a view of the ocean. My favorite place.”
“Will you take Phineas?”
“No. I need the walk. I need to move slow. I have a lot of thinking to do.”
She folded her arms beneath her breasts and walked out of the church building and out into the stormy weather. Wind was blowing in off the waves, rain threatening to fall from swollen gray clouds.
Layna lowered her head and started up the hill, not thinking, just feeling. Just letting her emotions wash through her.
She felt like she was drowning even while she was standing there breathing air. But the strangest thing was, she didn’t feel like she was losing herself.
She scrambled to the top of a grass-covered hill and looked out over the ocean, tears blinding her. She hurt as much as she ever had, her heart smashed to pieces, shards embedded in her chest, but she wasn’t fading into the mist.
Maybe it was because Xander’s face was too strong in her mind. Maybe it was just because she had something, someone, to care about now.
Maybe it was because she finally knew who she was.
She wasn’t a party girl with spoiled looks. Wasn’t a princess who would never be crowned. She was Layna Xenakos, whatever her circumstances. Whatever her face. She was strong. She had run through hell and caught on fire along the way, left with scars that were inside and out, but she’d run through.
She had lost her faith, but for one blinding moment, she felt like maybe she’d found it.
Because this was that place again. That rock-bottom moment. But she wasn’t alone.
She closed her eyes and tilted her face up to the sky, a raindrop landing on her cheeks. No, she wasn’t alone. And she was strong.
A lump rose in her throat, a sob breaking through.
It didn’t matter what happened. She could trust herself.
She could trust Xander.
Oh, Xander.
She needed to go to him. Because she loved him. Because he was the one she wanted to be with, that was the life she wanted.
She had to get down and beg for his forgiveness if that’s what she needed to do. To ask him if he would take her, as she was, so broken and scared, when she’d been so horrible to him.
To tell him she feared nothing. Not pain, or love, or the media, more than she feared a lifetime without him.
She turned and her heart nearly stopped when she saw a dark head come into view, cresting the top of the hill, followed by a familiar face, and a heartbreakingly familiar body.
“Xander,” she whispered.
And she ran to him.
Layna threw her arms around his neck and held him close to her, tears falling, her hands shaking. “What are you doing here?”
“I lied to you,” he said, voice rough, his fingers forked through her hair, his face buried in her neck.
“You did?” she asked, pulling her head back so that she could look at him.
“I told you no more running. But I’m running now. To you.”
She laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Well, you’re in luck because I just stopped running. So it looks like we’re finally standing in the same place.”
“It’s about time,” he said, kissing her lips. “It’s about time.”
“I love you,” she said. “I was so scared, Xander. So scared to say it, or hear it, or feel it. But I found my faith. I found it and now I’m not afraid.”
“I still can’t give you your guarantee. Not as far as anything in life is concerned. But with me you have one. I’ll always stand with you. I’ll always stay with you. You will be my wife. The mother of my children. You’re the only woman for me, Layna. Now and always. There are many uncertain things, but not my love.”