She felt so sorry for Marco—sorry that he wouldn’t allow himself to feel anything, not even love for his son. Yet Marco could feel emotion. She’d seen proof of that in the delivery room when he’d cried when he’d held Luca for the first time. But Marco had very quickly retreated behind his barricades, becoming once again a cold, distant man that not even his infant son had the power to reach.
As the cab slowed outside her door, Cass wondered what Marco was doing now. He should be here to enjoy this moment. Taking their son home was such a special time. He must have been even more badly hurt than she knew to rob himself of this opportunity and then to take such trouble to hide his feelings. Even moments after holding his son in his arms, Marco had somehow managed to switch off. She felt so desperately sorry for him. Marco had no idea what he was missing, she thought as she gazed down into Luca’s face. Her heart was ready to burst with love. She could only think that Marco had given his heart as a child, only to have it trampled on and destroyed for good. Maybe that was why he had never settled down, Cass reflected as she paid the fare.
‘You stay there, love. I’ll help you out,’ the cabbie insisted. ‘You’ve got someone coming to look after you for the first few days, I hope?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she said quickly, seeing the cabby’s concerned face. He was the type of kind-hearted man who would send his wife round to look after her if she so much as hinted that she could do with some help, and as much as she would have liked the reassurance of an experienced person to back up her scant knowledge of baby care, she was determined to do this on her own. Better to start as she meant to go on, rather than put unfair demands on other people.
But she was apprehensive, Cass accepted as the cabbie opened the front door for her. Thanking him, she said goodnight, knowing that once she stepped over the threshold she was truly on her own with her baby in the little house.
Yes, it was a tiny house, but it was tiny and snug, and she’d be fine here, and so would Luca. She gazed adoringly into his sleeping face, and silently promised her little boy all the love and care that she could give him. But whatever gloss she tried to put on her new life, her footsteps still echoed as she walked into the empty house. However cosy she’d made their tiny nest, they were still alone. She put her apprehension down to baby blues. She’d get over it, Cass told herself firmly as she carefully tucked Luca in to his Moses basket. They’d warned her in the hospital to expect a bit of a comedown. ‘It’s just the hormones regulating themselves,’ the midwife had told her. ‘You’ll come out of it, and then you’ll find that every day is a new adventure for you and your son.’
At the time she had agreed, not wanting to burst the midwife’s kindly bubble, but right now alone was alone, and she had a long night ahead of her, with not much of a clue as to what to do.
Put the computer on and get some books out, do some research, prepare bottles, nappies and anything else you think you might need, and do it now, while the baby’s sleeping.
She felt better now she’d got a plan. She was bone-weary and longing for her bed, but she had things to do first, and then she had plans for the future to make.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘YOU’RE JUST LIKE your papa,’ she murmured, leaving Luca sleeping soundly in his Moses basket upstairs as she crept downstairs to make more bottles.
And Luca would probably be every bit as demanding as his father, Cass reflected as she switched on the all the lights to make the place look cheery. She put more logs on the smouldering fire and turned up the heating. It was still dark outside and snow was falling. There were so few hours of daylight in the winter...
She backed into the shadows of the room, seeing a sleek black four-wheeler parked outside beneath a streetlamp. Did Marco have people watching her even now?
She had just turned from the window when a rap on the door made her jump. Crossing the room, she stared through the security peephole and started back.
Marco!
She hesitated. Her initial instinct was not to let him in. She couldn’t face a replay of the drama in the hospital. But she loved him. How could she say no when everything inside the house was warm and cosy, and Marco was standing on her doorstep, stamping his feet, with his shoulders hunched against the driving wind and snow?
Her emotions were still in turmoil as she undid the locks and swung the door wide. ‘If this is about your DNA test—’