‘Dara, I don’t know what is going on with you. You’ve been avoiding some of my phone calls while I was away. Even when I specifically called when I knew you’d be finished with work. And today my driver mentioned that you’ve been disappearing by yourself for hours at a time. With no reasonable explanation—’
‘You had your driver keeping tabs on me?’ Dara was incredulous.
‘I wasn’t going to pay it any attention, because I trust you. But dammit, Dara, you’re hiding something from me and I want to know what it is. Now.’
‘What do you think? That I’m cheating on you?’
Leo crossed his arms, looking darkly into the glowing fire. ‘I’d like to think I know you better than that.’
Dara placed her hands on her hips. ‘Well, it sounds like you’re accusing me of something. I’m entitled to some level of privacy. Just because we’re married, it doesn’t mean we need to live in each other’s pockets, for goodness’ sake.’
She moved to walk away and felt his hand move gently to her wrist.
‘Dara...’
His voice was quiet, and something in its tone appealed to her logic. She knew she was behaving out of character. And that he must be concerned. He had flown for almost twenty-four hours to come here and surprise her, and here she was shouting at him for asking if she was okay.
The realisation brought even more tears.
‘I’m sorry.’
She sat down heavily on the sofa, hiding her face in her hands. She felt him come to her, felt his solid warmth slide alongside her and envelop her as she sat there trying to make sense of why she was falling apart.
‘I’ve been going to the orphanage in Syracuse,’ she admitted. ‘It started as a simple project to update their facilities. But then it became...more.’
Leo sat silently, watching her reveal her secrets.
‘I was there one day, helping to choose wallpaper for the common room, when one of the smallest children—a boy—walked right up to me and grabbed my hand. The other children had avoided me on previous visits; I was a stranger with a foreign accent and a fancy suit. I was unapproachable.’ She smiled to herself. ‘But not him. He grabbed on to my hand and asked me to come and see his drawings. He had drawn a picture of a house by the sea. He gave it to me as a gift and asked me if I would come back again. So I did.’
Leo remained silent for a moment, watching her. ‘Why do you feel the need to hide all this? It’s charitable work.’
‘Don’t you see? It’s not work to me. I want to be there. It makes me happy to be there with all the children. But most of all with Luca...’
‘Luca is the boy’s name?’ Leo asked quietly.
Dara nodded. ‘It’s unfair of me to grow attached. Because he’s just a child and he will think that I want to...that we might want to...’ The words stuck in her throat, unable to come out.
‘That you might want to become his mother?’ Leo said.
Dara looked at him quickly, as though he had struck her. That one word was enough to make her mind turn to panic.
Mother.
‘I won’t go back again. I suppose I’m only just realizing that I’ve used the orphanage to relieve my restlessness. To occupy myself.’
She stood up and walked to the Christmas tree, touching one of the golden baubles and making it spin.
‘It was a selfish act and I’m feeling guilty, that’s all.’
Dara turned back to her husband. He sat completely nude on the sofa, watching her with a look so concerned it melted her heart. If she told him any more she would only regret it in the morning. It wasn’t that she feared his judgement. In fact it was completely the opposite. She feared his pity.
Leo had taken the news of her infertility in his stride from the moment she’d revealed her secret to him. He had been understanding, and he had helped her to realize that her condition did not define her.
To bring up all those old insecurities now would only belittle how far they had come as a couple.
That was the thing, though—she wasn’t quite so confident that she had ever rid herself of them at all. Rather, she had just chosen to focus on being the beautiful woman that Leo made her feel she was and ignored the sad and broken woman of her past.
She bit her lip. Leo was looking at her intensely, waiting for her to speak. She couldn’t tell him the truth, not tonight anyway.
‘I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve ruined this wonderful night with my own silly ramblings.’ She shook her head, banishing the dark thoughts from her mind.
She walked to him and straddled his lap.
‘Dara, we’re having quite a serious conversation here, and I will find it very difficult to concentrate with you in this position.’