The Arrangement 11 (The Arrangement 11)

The high from this is different, and I don’t know what to think. I can’t think. My body doesn’t know what I’m doing, or how it should react. I’m not sad, even though I shudder in his arms and tears streak my cheeks. My heart is pounding at the aftershocks and I can barely breathe, but it’s hard to tell if it’s from fear or euphoria.

I stay there like that, pressed to the wall with him still inside of me. Sean’s hands grip my thighs and his thumbs rub little circles on my skin. Neither of us says anything for a moment. I don’t want to move, but I can’t hold my legs around him any longer. They start shaking, so Sean pulls out and puts me down. My knees nearly buckle and my entire body is trembling, but I manage to pull the hem of my dress back down.

I hear Sean moving, redressing himself, before the lights come back on. They flicker, making me blink several times. As soon as his eyes adjust, he turns to look at me. Sean is pristine in his suit without a wrinkle on him. Meanwhile, I look and feel like a total mess. I’m covered in sweat and can barely stand.

For a moment we just watch each other. Then Sean finally says, “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

I lean back against the wall, and clutch the bar so I don’t fall over. I don’t trust myself to speak. Sean smiles at me and nods, before turning to the control panel again. I’m afraid he’s going to stop it and I can’t manage to be in here for another second. As it is, I’m going to need therapy after this, so I lunge for him. “No, please. I can’t.”

But Sean’s already done what he wanted. He pressed every button for every floor and then turns to me, smiling wide. “I needed more time, because I have something I need to tell you.” Sean tucks his chin and steps over to me, with his hands in his pockets. It’s such a boyish gesture, and so was pressing all the buttons, that I have no idea what he wants to do. The doors open and fresh air hits my face, calming me.

An irritated hotel employee is standing there with a crowd of people behind him. He’s saying something, but Sean ignores him. I take a deep breath before the doors slip shut again.

“Avery, I’m selfish. I’ve always been that way and what you just did was so completely…” he sucks in air and shakes his head. “There are no words. You give everything you have. You don’t hold back, and by God, if I could be like you for even a moment, if I could have your strength, your courage, your conviction—I can’t even fathom it.” The elevator is stopping floor by floor as he speaks. Sean doesn’t pause. He doesn’t look at the people waiting outside in the hallway, people who don’t want to get onto the broken elevator with the monologuing man.

The doors close and the pattern repeats until a little old lady gets on with us. She looks at me and then Sean, and smiles at his words. She’s wearing a pink paisley dress, with a matching pink satin bowling jacket that says RONKONKOMA SEXY DEVILS across the back, with an evening bag under her arm.

She reaches into it and hands me a tissue. “I think he’s going to ask you something, dear.” The old woman smiles, like this is the highlight of her night.

I take the tissue and dab my eyes. “Thank you, but you’re mistaken.” I don’t look at either of them and try to keep my gaze on the floor.

That’s when Sean drops to one knee and holds up a ring to me. “She’s not mistaken, and neither were you. I should have asked you. I should have said it sooner, and I wish I could say it better. Avery Stanz, will you marry me? Will you be my wife and share my life? Will you let me love you in sickness and in health? Will you let me stand beside you for the rest of my life? Because, if you say yes, I will love you with all my heart. I won’t withhold myself from you, like I’ve done for so long. I will protect you and give you everything I have. Will you share my bed, my soul, and my life?”

The doors ding open on another floor and the people smile at the sight. Me with a shocked face, the old lady is grinning and close to clapping, and Sean on his knee holding up a ring. As the doors slip shut, they groan since they won’t hear my answer.

It’s then that I realize I’m taking too long. My heart is pounding and I’m lost in limbo, caught between reality and dreamland. But I’m awake, and Sean’s looking up at me, blinking those bright blue eyes, completely and totally vulnerable.

I find my voice. “You jumped.” I sound shocked.

He nods. “I’d do anything for you, Avery. I’ll be anything you want, anything you need, no matter what you say, but I hope you say yes.” He smiles hard and those dimples flash and disappear.

“Yes. Yes, to all those things.” My lips quiver and I start sobbing as I hold out my hand. It’s shaking so much that Sean has to take it in his to slide the ring on my finger. When the cold metal touches my hot skin a shiver races over me, and I gasp.

When Sean stands, he takes me in his arms and holds me. The old woman claps and rides the elevator up to our floor with us, chattering excitedly, and wishing us well.

For a second, a bitter thought crosses my mind. “You’d wish those things for us even if he were Sean Ferro?” Sean tenses in my arms. It’s reckless, because in this moment his guard is down, and so is mine. If the old woman reacts the way the woman did earlier, I’ll cry. I don’t know why I said it. Something within me urged me to ask, so I did.

The elderly lady smiles, and touches my arm. “I’d wish every happiness on the two of you, especially if he were Sean Ferro. That man has had more pain in his life than one person could reasonably tolerate, and he’s bore it with grace. Everyone deserves a little ray of happiness after so much rain.”

CHAPTER 13

Sean presses his lips to the side of my face, covering me in little kisses. I giggle, I can’t help it. It feels like I’m floating, as if nothing could ruin this moment. The ring catches my eye, sparkling in the dim light of the elevator. I want to look at it, but I don’t want to pull away from Sean. I don’t want this moment to end. Something changed today. The walls that Sean erected came crashing down and he finally let me in. There’s nothing between us now and I can’t wait to snuggle against him once we get back to the room. It’s so hard not to jump up and down. I want to tell everyone and show them the ring. I want to tell them that I was right, that Sean wasn’t going to be the one to destroy me. I trusted my gut and I was right. It feels so good. The last few months have tossed me around so much that I didn’t know which way was up, but tonight, my feet are on the ground, right where they should be—between Sean Ferro and a crazy old lady who looks like she wants to celebrate with me.

She pulls out her phone and deflates when she can’t get a signal. “All my friends are going to be so jealous! I got to see the sweetest proposal I’ve ever witnessed and they’re all sitting in the room.” She chortles and holds her phone up, tilting it to the side like that’ll help it get some bars. “They’re going to blow a gasket when they find out it was Sean Ferro. And you... You are so sweet. I’m going to call you Sweetie.”

Sean holds me to his chest, hugging me hard and laughs. “She is sweet, and thoughtful, and completely perfect.” He kisses the top of my head and I feel my face flame red, which makes the old lady laugh more.

When the doors open on our floor, we both step out. The old woman stays behind. “Congratulations, you two! I’m going to go tell the girls!” She presses the button for her floor, the doors close, and she disappears.

There’s a fairytale smile plastered across my face. I used to wonder how princesses could look like that for so long. It had to be because of the prince. I’m talking about cartoon princesses, of course. When someone draws the perfect man, there’s a lot to smile about. Sean is by no means perfect, but he’s perfect for me.

Before we take another step, the squawk of a police CB shatters the hallway’s stuffy silence. Sean’s eyes narrow as his gaze shoots to the end of the hall. They’re standing in front of our room.

Instinct takes over and I grab Sean’s arm and try to pull him to the stairwell. It’s right next to me, but Sean shakes his head. They haven’t seen us yet. He shakes his head, and makes a snap decision. Leaning in close, he kisses my cheek, and shoves me into the stairwell as he does it. “Stay out of sight.”

Without a word, Sean walks toward the room. I glance through the little rectangle of glass, but I can’t see him. I can’t leave the hotel without setting off my bracelet, and I can’t hang out in the stairwell either. My stomach lurches as I consider why the police are here—what it means. Mel was in the room. Something bad could have happened to her, or worse. Someone reported us, which means someone knows we were here with Sean and what we are.

If the cops are looking for call girls, I look the part. Part of me wants to ignore Sean and walk down the hall. But, I’m not that stupid, so I rush down the flight of stairs and grab the elevator to the lobby. As I pass a large marble table with an oversized floral arrangement, I grab a newspaper and head to one of the posh seats. There are tons of reporters right outside the front doors. Flashes keep going off. I feel so sick. Should I crush the bead on my bracelet? Does this count as danger? Black could be exposed if they find me, but they must have found Mel.

I sit down on a blue velvet arm chair and slouch back like I’m not freaking out. As I ponder whether or not to break the bead, I hear three hotel employees speaking in hushed whispers. “I can’t believe it’s him, I mean first his wife and now this.”

“I know. At least he can’t get away with it twice.”

The third voice chimes in, “I don’t know, people don’t have a lot of sympathy for hookers.”

My spine goes straight. I can’t turn and look at them. The buzzing in my head has grown so loud that I can no longer hear their words. It sounds like they think Sean killed a hooker. That means that the cops were in his room because… Mel’s dead?

She can’t be. I just saw her. She was fine, but they just said… Oh my God. I can’t stand it. I turn around and look at them, unable to hide the emotions as they crawl out of my stomach. My jaw drops. I want to ask them what happened, but if I speak, they’ll connect the dots. People saw me and Mel walk in together and my clothes say everything. Even so, I don’t want to leave Sean and Mel up there. She has to be fine. It’s suddenly so hot inside that I feel like I’m going to hurl.

The air in here is too hot, too stuffy. I can’t breathe. My skin is numb and it feels like I’m walking in a bubble of cold mist. I try to exit through the bar, but it’s packed and there are people guarding the door, keeping the press out. Worry pinches my brow and I decide to head to the ladies room to give myself time to think. Sean said to leave. I need to leave, but I have to do it without being seen. Too bad everyone and their goddamn dog notices me in this dress! I’m about to push through the bathroom door, when a hand rests on my shoulder.

My elbow flies back and jabs the guy in the gut.

CHAPTER 14