Jenny (Babysitter's Club 5)

JENNY

Oh, thank goodness, I saw the number and thought for a second there that it was Lauren. Then again, I’m a bit nervous that it’s him for different reasons. I braced myself for the fallout, having already prepared myself all night for it.

“Hello Mr. Masters.” I bit my lip and stared at a point on the wall not really seeing anything.

“Ah, sorry to bother you, but can you do me a favor? I’ve just been called away and my mom is on her way to the airport. Is it possible…Are you free to watch the girls for a couple of hours?”

I released my pent up breath not sure if to be relieved or insulted. “Sure…hmm…” I had to clear my throat. “I’ll be right there.” I hung up the phone and dropped down on the side of my bed in a daze. Tears threatened but I fought them back.

I walked into the bathroom like a zombie, pretty much how I’d been walking through life all day. I splashed my face with water and hope the fact that I hadn’t slept a wink all night didn’t show.

“Mom, I’m going over to the Masters’ to watch the twins.”

“Okay dear. Jenny, are you feeling okay? You seem a little…off.”

“I’m fine mom, just have a lot on my mind with school and all.”

“Oh Jenny, take a break, the holiday is tomorrow.”

I waved her off and headed out the door before she could pry any further. As I reached the bottom of the driveway it hit me that Derrick and the twins were going to be alone. I felt a pang in my chest at the sadness of it all. I’m convinced more than ever now that Lauren does indeed have some kind of issue, something he doesn’t know about.

I took my time getting there still not quite sure what to expect. He was waiting at the door with keys in hand and barely spared me a hello as he rushed down the steps to the Porsche. “Thanks ever so much Jenny, you’re a life saver.”

I didn’t say a word to him, not that he waited around for one. The girls were asleep downstairs in their playpen so I just sat there in the living room feeling tense. My phone rang and jumped the heck out of me.

I saw his name in the readout. I guess he’d copied my number from her phone. “Hello.”

“It’s me, listen, if she comes back, don’t answer the door, just call me right away.

“Doesn’t she have keys?”

“No, I had the locks changed the locks first thing this morning.” I wanted to ask him about tomorrow, about his plans for the holiday but the words got stuck. It felt too much like over-stepping, which is a laugh at this point.

“Okay, I won’t answer the door for anyone.”

“I don’t think the UPS man poses any danger.” Did he just laugh? With me? Don’t be an ass Jenny. My own laugh sounded hollow even to my own ears. “Okay then, I’ll see you when I get back.” Way to go Jenny, now he thinks you’re a cold imbecile.

I put the phone away and sat staring around the room. She was everywhere here, not that I expected that to change overnight, it just made me feel like she was staring down at me, judging me. There was nothing I could do to make myself feel better, to ease the guilt I felt.

Then again it seems like it’s my secret, no one else knows. Maybe I can put this behind me like I’ve done with so much else and move on. I won’t even allow myself to think about it since it’s tainted… I felt the tears that I’d been holding at bay all night and day easing from my eyes.

Not now Jenny. If you start you may never stop. But it hurt; it hurt so bad and for so many reasons, not least of all the fact that he doesn’t remember. Maybe we’re destined to be like that. With me always on the outskirts of his life watching him live while I pine.

And whose fault is that? Whose idea was it to hang onto a promise made in jest? But I didn’t know. In my young impressionable mind it was real. And what about when you grew up Jenny? Are you really that stupid that you never realized? What’s the point of rehashing this over and over again?

I shut my thoughts off and tried to think of something else, anything else. Without the twins to distract me there was just way too much for me to get into. But I remember the way he’d rushed home that day, was it only yesterday?

He had to have seen or heard something that made him rush home like that. When my mind did relive the horrific events that was one of the things that stood out for me. By power of deduction I decided that there must be cameras here, there’s no other explanation.