I didn’t do anything as banal as looking for them, but I did feel rather exposed not knowing where they were or if he was even watching. If I were him, after yesterday I certainly would be. The thought made my skin prickle and heat rise up my neck. Better think of something else Jenny.
It went back to the holiday tomorrow and again I felt bad that he wasn’t going to have one. The girls were still too young to understand or appreciate, but the thought of this house, of him being the only one not celebrating gave me such pain it almost doubled me over.
I worked it over and over again in my mind until I came up with a solution that would give me some peace. At least it kept my mind from straying to other things, things best left forgotten. I felt a kind of panic rise up in my chest as I thought of what I’d lost, of one more thing I’d sacrificed.
Not now Jenny, rein it in. I took about ten deep breaths before I was able to calm myself down. If he were watching, he wouldn’t have noticed that there was anything wrong because as I sat there reliving the best thing that ever happened to me in my head, outwardly I gave nothing away.
Not the pleasure, nor the guilt that came after. Maybe it’s better that he doesn’t remember after all. And with that thought I felt my heart tear just a little bit more.
DERRICK
I didn’t think I would be this nervous being away from the girls this soon but I couldn’t hardly concentrate once I reached the site. Especially when I got there and the issue was something I myself had brought up and time or two which the client naysaid.
I gritted my teeth and pretended that the pompous ass had come up with a great idea when I was the one who’d mentioned how well an enclosed atrium would work for his new multi level building.
I wanted to lose my shit but this was not the time nor place. Something else was bugging me, something other than my wife being missing or her attempting to kill our kids. You’d think that would be enough to keep my mind occupied, but nope.
As soon as I saw that girl this morning something strange tickled the edges of my mind. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but when I saw her walking towards me down the driveway, before she noticed that I was there, there was an odd sense of knowing.
Not the usual I knew her when we were kids deal, but something more. And by the time she reached my side her scent had washed over me leaving me feeling…something. I hate myself for being this weak.
Lauren had only just disappeared and already it seems like I’m panting after the hot young babysitter. I don’t want to be that guy; I won’t be that guy. But all the while I was talking to the client my mind was back there with her.
Derrick
I was done sooner than I expected because the crew was working on a half-day schedule, something that reminded me that tomorrow was a holiday. I felt a moment’s pang that my girls were going to miss their first Thanksgiving but it couldn’t be helped because daddy doesn’t know how to cook anything more than spaghetti.
I caved once as soon as I reached the car and took out my phone to check them out on the nanny cam. My heart pounded when I didn’t see them in the living room where I’d left them but settled once more when I found them in the nursery. Looks like she’d given them a bath.
That wasn’t part of her job but I appreciated it. I studied her turning up the volume to hear what she was saying that held my two little angels so enraptured. She was telling them a story, with changed voices that made their little legs kick with excitement.
I thought of their mother and the way she’d been with them lately before all this happened. I don’t recall the girls being this happy except with me and I wondered how I’d missed it, how I’d let myself overlook it. Some daddy I am, what else have I missed in the last few months? Was yesterday the only time Lauren had tried to harm them? And I still needed answers as to why Jenny had been there at the house.
She hadn’t been for a while now, so something must’ve brought her there. And what was up with her when she answered the phone earlier? As I watched her lift one of the girls the angle of her face as her head leaned back made my pulse race. What the hell is that about?